Skinny shaming

[Bobski123]

I was doing some moving and handling training for part of my job. The trainer required a volunteer, I offered and she said "Oh no not you, you're far too skinny."
She then chose a larger lady.
I get it's supposed to be some sort of compliment because being thin is 'desirable'.
However if she'd said "Not you, you're far too fat." She'd possibly be out of a job by now.
However it's ok to say the opposite.
I should've responded really.
It's like that meme going around with a picture of Sophia Loren and the caption "I'd rather eat pizza and drink wine than be a size 0."
A few of my colleagues posted it and I just think, yawn. They aren't mutually exclusive, ok, size 0 is very small but the point is you can enjoy pizza, wine whatever and still remain slim. I'm just over it.

It isn't objectively hard to eat less though. I thought most overweight people always go on about being happy with their size? If most overweight people wanted to get to a healthier weight then it isn't complicated to do it.

Well the concept is not difficult to understand but in practice it clearly isn't that easy

Have you never heard of the obesogenic society?

I absolutely do understand the variants in the 99% from fat to very thin but that doesn't take away the fact that the very thin in the 99% is attributed to environmental factors not their literal resistance to putting on weight. You seem to actually be the one that has difficulty comprehending this, maybe you want to believe that you are doing zero to stay very thin and of course that may be true but on the otherhand the probability of being in that 1% is unlikely. Anecdotally, I don't know any woman that is in the skinny percent and can eat as much as she wants and do little to no exercise. I just don't and that isn't particularly surprising as the chances are so slim. I do know very thin women that practice certain habits, that are mindful of eating habits, that exercise regularly or the other extreme because they have an eating disorder. They are the only very thin women I know.

Suspect we all have different definitions of “very thin”.

As we've established, a significant percentage of the population are overweight - obviously there'll be a lucrative diet industry. But that doesn't mean everyone who is thin is punishing themselves in order to be that way.

Honestly, I think you have some really deeply ingrained prejudice when it comes to thin women (I haven't heard you mention men). There's just no point me telling you that many many thin people just eat a fairly reasonable diet and exercise a bit but don't think very much about it because you've got an idea in your head that the only way to be thin bar a few vanishingly rare exceptions is to live off lettuce while claiming to eat burgers and pizzas every night or whatever. It's like me saying "well, people say they find it hard to lose weight but I just see overweight people living off donuts and burgers". It's offensive and just plain untrue in the vast majority of cases.

You are depicting an image of being very health conscious especially when you make judgemental remarks like this. Your anecdote about the popcorn and coconut sugar or something like that. I mean, do you honestly think you are naturally thin. It sounds very much like your very good habits keep you thin. I could lose weight quite easily under 40 just but dropping eating a whole pizza or something like that, I would be thin and it was easily maintainable, I don't need to eat salads and healthy popcorn. I am a stone overweight in early 40s and it is no longer a question of stopping eating pizza, it is not that easy at all. It is certainly not as easy as piling on the pounds if I actually ate lots of calorie dense food and I am like many people who are in the same boat. I'm unsure why you are being insincere about this.

Calories are not equal for all - just like the naturally thin there are people genetically, clinically and medically overweight beyond your simple just eat less and move more brigade - just like those that cannot put weight on easily there are those that can't lose it easily.

The bottom line is - do not comment on other people's bodies unless you are asked personally or professionally.

And "most overweight people" do not think as a single hive mind fwiw.

@Goldenbear making one comment about how older women in the office would refer to a pretty calorie heavy salad as "rabbit food" makes me "very health conscious"?
In what way is anything in my comment a judgemental remark when the people being judgemental are the ones referring to my lunch as rabbit good?
No clue what you are moaning about popcorn, I haven't mentioned it.

I mean, do you honestly think you are naturally thin

I have never said this, in fact I think ultimately everyone is under the same physiological conditions and will weight less if they eat less and weigh more if the at more.
I'm sure if I suddenly ate twice as much in a day I would be bigger. However that doesn't mean I obsessively go to the gym or count calories all day. I don't even own scales.
I just eat what I want and know what is a good portion for my body type.

I could lose weight quite easily under 40
Honestly I've heard countless versions of this and ultimately its just still diet and lifestyle but they don't want to acknowledge it.

People love to do this as a weird sort of one up mans-hip when you are thin.
'oh I was thin when I was 20 ... but now'
'oh I was thin too ... until I had kids!'
'oh I was thin until I hit 30'
'oh I was thin until I hit 40... it'll happen to you too'
Okay cook. None of those things have happened yet because having kids or hitting a certain age doesn't magically make you fat unless you overeat for your BMR, which ultimately goes down if you are less active. So if you hit 40 and become less active you will need to eat less. It doesn't mean you gain more based on your age.

The poster I was replying to was the one who stated "most overweight people wanted to be a healthy weight", not me.

I agree, I don't think you should comment on anyone's body to them. I don't think it is one rule for fat and one rule for thin, people can be just as nasty in both directions.

ComedyCook is not suggesting that at all, she is making the obvious point backed up by statistics that it is easier to put on weight than it is to lose it as is the propensity of 99% of the country! Of course there are variants in that but in the 99% of the population they are factual environmental factors! If you are the 1% then they will not be.

The best compliment I have ever had was when I over heard a conversation between two men (my age at the time, long time ago!) and one said they were quite attracted to me. The other said "oh no, not for me, she's way too skinny". For someone who always thought they were fat, hearing that someone thought I was skinny was the absolute best compliment I'd ever had!! Even though it wasn't meant as one!

Appreciate this is a bit messed up! But as someone who's always struggled with diets as always thought they were fat, being called skinny was truly my dream (won't happen again as I am quite big now!!) And still is!

It's all about perception. I'd love to be skinny. Id hate to be called fat. Some people would hate to be called skinny. Don't know many people who would dream of being called fat, but sure there are some

It's up to us how we react to comments. It's how we perceive them that matters. Don't like your reaction to a comment? Work on changing your reaction?

In the past I’ve been told that I was too thin, too good looking, too young looking. I enjoyed every single one of those comments. Just take it as a compliment and don’t get offended, or don’t and feel bad about it. It is up to you.

Commenting on people's bodies is sensitive and has so much potential for offense it's best avoided wherever possible. For example I was complimented on my weight loss/ appearance a few times during and after pregnancy because I had lost a lot of weight because of hyperemesis. My FIL even said to my DH that I'd needed to lose weight anyway. It was one of the worst times of my life and I felt the most unhealthy and miserable I'd ever been and got quite upset about being told I looked great when actually my face was sunken and I couldn't stop vomiting up water or anything I'd managed to eat a tiny bit of. I had no muscles or strength and was feeling really isolated as I'd been stuck in bed so much. It felt like people didn't care about my wellbeing and my looks are what they thought mattered, I'd always rather someone asked me how I was doing than commented on my figure.

Of course being in your 40s and aging changes things as you don't have as much muscle as you do in your 20s and you acquire more fat. You can adapt your diet of course but you can do that at any age, my contention is with your argument that it's an equal effort to put on weight as it is to lose it, no it is not for 99% of us!!

How is it one-upmanship, odd way to view it, isn't someone just explaining something about themselves - guess what it is not about 'you' and how thin you are. I have noticed on the thread how the very thin people who are offended think every comment is about them every interaction they have with people is seemingly about their weight. I'm sorry but lots of this is in your head.

In reality, the people on here who claim to have been offended (bar the genuinely underweight ones) over various comments are probably just using this thread to tell everyone that they're not fat and if only fat people ate less, they wouldn't be fat anymore. Classic mumsnet.

So what do we think about Peter crouch then?

Do we think while the rest of his team are shovelling down the food, he's sitting there counting calories and crying into his lettuce, or do we reckon that might just be his natural frame?

I am replying to your comment "It isn't objectively hard to eat less though. I thought most overweight people always go on about being happy with their size? If most overweight people wanted to get to a healthier weight then it isn't complicated to do it."

Oh you're one of those who hates fat people. That ok. We get it.

So -" It isn't objectively hard to eat less though. " - not all calories are equal - for some weight loss is much harder - just like for some putting on weight is - plus there are those who medically or clinically put on weight - just like there are those who cannot put on weight due to medical or clinical reasons.

"I thought most overweight people always go on about being happy with their size? " no and there is no "overweight hive mind" and they don't "go on" either - awful comment and phrasing.

"If most overweight people wanted to get to a healthier weight then it isn't complicated to do it. " see first point.

I imagine your colleague (the ‘larger lady’ that you describe) felt much more embarrassed about this than you did- imagine hearing the trainer say ‘we won’t chose a skinny person’ and then them choosing you instead! You’re right that people should learn not to comment on other peoples bodies, but comments definitely only hurt when they feed into an insecurity, so if you’re happy being slim then I can’t see how it’s really affected you.

This isn’t true in my experience. Me and most of my friends are slim. We don’t talk about diets - we do talk about food because we all love food. I think we all stay slim because we all have a good relationship with food. We naturally eat what we need, no more or less (other than in times of stress) we all move around pretty regularly but aren’t gym-goers. I only know of one person who purposely doesn’t eat to lose weight, she is currently being treated for an eating disorder and I can assure you - she is not interested in ‘cool girl status’

Maybe Peter Crouch is naturally thin hard to tell really as he obviously has to do lots of exercise for his job. Why would you think he eats lettuce, I doubt it very much.

Maybe, or maybe she isn’t unhappy about her size. Maybe she thinks the OP is too thin.
Maybe she’s a healthy weight.

But it’s not a contest. One person feeling worse than another doesn’t mean anything at all. No one would have felt bad if the comment wasn’t made in the first place.