Skinny shaming

[Bobski123]

I was doing some moving and handling training for part of my job. The trainer required a volunteer, I offered and she said "Oh no not you, you're far too skinny."
She then chose a larger lady.
I get it's supposed to be some sort of compliment because being thin is 'desirable'.
However if she'd said "Not you, you're far too fat." She'd possibly be out of a job by now.
However it's ok to say the opposite.
I should've responded really.
It's like that meme going around with a picture of Sophia Loren and the caption "I'd rather eat pizza and drink wine than be a size 0."
A few of my colleagues posted it and I just think, yawn. They aren't mutually exclusive, ok, size 0 is very small but the point is you can enjoy pizza, wine whatever and still remain slim. I'm just over it.

@FuckOffTom to be fair I’m saying I’m sure I can’t eat unlimited amounts and not gain weight. By default I don’t overeat and live a relatively active life that just involves lots of walking about but if I ate more and decided to start driving everywhere I’m sure I would get heavier, but it’s not a conscious effort to not do that.

I just wish people would shut up about other peoples body sizes. I would never tell someone they are fat or thin. It’s really unnecessary to comment on someones physical appearance, they know! They live in their own body!

To be fair the word skinny is thrown around all the time when actually what people mean is slim. I think we've become so used to pumped up gym or surgery bodies, and a generally larger population, that people have forgotten what a naturally slender body looks like.

I'm not slim or slender, I actually am skinny, and gangly too, and let me tell you it's not pleasant, and even before "real curves" became a thing it wasn't pleasant. Flashbacks to the nineties and early 2000s and having guys make chicken sounds out the window to me as I walked down the street, faux concern about my eating from other women, just generally being made to feel like your body is unattractive, wrong, and weird.

Once I was in a seminar and asked a lecturer a question, and she said (it was completely irrelevant to the question): "You should eat more". The entire room was basically stunned.

I don't know why it seems to be OK to put skinny women's bodies under the microscope like this, but it is. You are fighting a losing battle here though OP, as you are up against women who struggle to keep weight off and have their own complexes to deal with - for whatever reason though, they don't seem to understand its the flip side of the same coin, and they don't extend their empathy to skinny women.

I don't know how old you are as I think that makes a difference, equally height makes a difference, I mean my family member is size 6 but she is a small build and 5ft 1. I have Scandinavian heritage and have fairly broad shoulders, pretty flat chest and my weight hangs in a completely different way. I visited Denmark with MIL, was constantly been spoken to in Danish and my MiL was not and commented on size wise how British she felt as everyone was bigger, not in an overweight way as my MIL is overweight but in build. My point is a size 6 isn't something that would be attainable or as easy to achieve as it may be for my small SIL for example.

But ComedyCook is right that does happen. My DD's friend's Mum's anecdote about fish and chips was exactly that, she told me to explain how the fish and chip man asked how such a small women could have a large fish and chips. My DH was there at the time and showed his surprise as said they are nice and men but barely speak to you when you are buying fish and chips. He said to me afterwards that it appeared rubbish to make me feel shit as it is well known from her husband that he is desperate for her to eat something. It is all really sad tbh.

It isn't the same for men, my DS is naturally skinny and doesn't want to be he wants muscle, it is not something that is desirable for a 16 year old boy

I’m underweight - it doesn’t suit me and I’m actively trying to gain weight but nothing sticks. I find the comments pretty offensive. I’ve had people say to me at a party that I look anorexic - massively embarrassing and fortunately my kids were too young to clock it. I’ve had colleagues pinch my arms and tell me I need to eat more / or ask me in really patronising tones if I’m OK etc…

i think comments towards bigger women are totally awful too and I know that larger friends can feel self-conscious even enjoying food in public because they feel they will be judged, which is terrible. I do think that is changing though and certainly where I live, people are far less likely to comment / be unpleasant towards someone who is overweight whereas the same is not yet true for people who are underweight. I think it often prompts all sorts of assumptions about mental health and a joyless / puritanical outlook. I’m really glad I no longer work somewhere where people are rude enough to comment on my weight.

Yes I hear it all the time. Men saying how cool it is if a woman loves pigging out on the sofa with him eating pizza...yet he also expects her to be thin and attractive. They also say they love the no make up look but you should also look stunning at all times. Oh and they don't want women who are high maintenance but also want to date women who look high maintenance. Its the expectation on women that you should be all things at all times. Its an impossible standard.

So do you take all your life experience from gone girl? Are you aware its trash fiction?

I don't even know what that it.

But if you look at the celebrity world...it's totally true. Skinny celebrities telling us all that they love takeaways and wine and stay slim by running round after their kids. Meanwhile in the real world, I've only got fatter when I've eaten takeaways.

Oh god yes, the men saying you're too thin and should eat more 🤬. Too thin for what?? A woman I vaguely knew at a show asked me outright if I was anorexic in front of two strangers, Christ I was mortified. Makes you feel like a freak and I promise with all my heart it did not make me feel good, quite the opposite.

It is rude and no doubt you felt shit being spoken to like that...but we live in a world where from childhood we hear the message of...

Fat is ugly, fat is bad, fat is disgusting

Lose weight

Be thin, be thinner, thin is beautiful, thin is better

Therefore someone saying ugh, you're too fat comes with so much more baggage than someone saying ugh, you're too thin.

Exactly - endless comments about 'eating more cake' and how being thin as you get older is ageing etc. There's an underlying implication that you're vain and boring. Or people will sigh and say "I just like to enjoy life" as if you're not capable of having fun if you're skinny. I don't know anyone who would make personal comments about someone being overweight. Who knows maybe they say horrible things behind closed doors but, thankfully, I don't think it's socially acceptable to have a go about people's weight in public now if they are overweight. Hopefully we'll get to a point soon where people don't feel the need to comment on anyone's appearance in that way.

Don't know what it is and yet you've basically quoted the cool girl line word for word multiple times. Or did you just read someone else comment it before and memorise it without realising what it was?

You seriously don't think someone can drink wine and eat takeways and remain slim/skinny/whatever you want to call it?

All you are doing is adding to this BS rhetoric that you must be neurotic and obsessed with food and exercise to be skinny.

I'm skinny and have no problem drinking wine or eating takeaways and not gaining weight. Is that not the real world? Am I a work of fiction?

You gain weight based on what you eat over the course of a week and how much energy you burn. These comments like 'oh i just look at a takeway or a bar or chocolate and gain weight' are nonsense. You gain weight if you consume too much. It isn't witchcraft.

I agree that was true when I was a kid in the 80s. There was definitely some horrible fat shaming in the playground (particularly from the 'popular' kids). And the thin is beautiful culture was totally prevalent in the 90s. But my impression from my own DC (who are teens now) is that there isn't much of that happening in their schools. I heard of one fat shaming comment a few years back and everyone was up in arms about it, which is as it should be. There are many more role models of different sizes and the people that the young people I know look up to and think of as attractive and cool are certainly not all skinny.

Well most people if they regularly ate takeaways and had bottle of wine a night would put on weight. One non greasy takeaway a month and a glass of wine a week won't.

But I'm talking extremes....very thin celebrities who apparently love pigging out. Its just not true. They are in reality being very careful with their diet. Its why I actually quite like Gwyneth Paltrow for being honest about what she eats.

I mean I'm not doubting you but I know quite a few people, I'm in quite a few friendship groups, go to a workplace that is large and I've literally not herd anyone say these incredibly rude things to skinny people and the frankly shocking pinching of the arm skin, I can't believe how bold you'd have to be to do that.

The only comment I did hear at work was at the coffee making area where a larger women was lamenting the fact that she was loosing weight at such as slow rate and wishes she could look like her very slim colleague. The very slim colleague then proceeded to advise her how she could look like her with coach to 5k and macros talk(boring!), I was a real person al trainer style lecture and the overweight women looked taken a back as she just wanted a coffee. A male colleague picked up on this and commented, 'if only it was that easy'.

Yes, agreed - I think it's problematic also to assume that everyone reacts the same to food. It would take a hell of a lot of takeaways for me to gain weight but I'm not the norm. I have plenty of friends who are extremely careful what they eat and yet still struggle to keep down to whatever is considered a healthy bmi. So neither assumptions i.e. that overweight people are surviving of takeaways and beer or that underweight people are counting out the number of almonds they eat for lunch are helpful

Who is claiming to eat a takeway and a bottle of wine every night though?

You don't think that is an inference you are making because you hear someone say they have some wine and a takeway? If I say I drink wine and eat takeaways I obviously don't mean they sustain my entire life. Surely that is obvious?

Who even reads celebrity weight gossip in 2023?

Honestly your life would be much happier if you didn't read the daily mail sidebar or trash magazines.

I couldn't tell you what Z list celebrities answer about their diet, or how much they weigh.

From experience, it may well stem from jealousy.

I only found out months after she started the rumour, that a so-called friend had been telling everyone I was anorexic.

I was* a size ten, certainly not painfully thin, and had never had an eating disorder - I just had a small appetite.
She was several sizes bigger and permanently on a diet she never stuck to.

Apparently she’d based it on the fact that I declined biscuits at her house (probably custard creams which I never liked anyway).

*NB was, I’m an awful lot older and somewhat fatter now.

@Goldenbear The only comment I did hear at work was at the coffee making area where a larger women was lamenting the fact that she was loosing weight at such as slow rate and wishes she could look like her very slim colleague. The very slim colleague then proceeded to advise her how she could look like her with coach to 5k and macros talk(boring!), I was a real person al trainer style lecture and the overweight women looked taken a back as she just wanted a coffee. A male colleague picked up on this and commented, 'if only it was that easy'.

So a person complained that she wishes she looked like a particular skinny person, that skinny person then offers up advice on what she does for her lifestyle and is lamented over being "boring" and apparently out of line given how taken aback the overweight woman as she innocently "just wanted a coffee" even though she was the one who brought up losing weight and the skinny colleagues body specifically?

Yes, of course you can eat takeaway and drink wine as my SIL does once a week and is tiny. Like my DD's friend's Mum with disordered eating whose husband is incredibly stressed about it, she won't do this unless she has sufficiently exercised. With the fish and chips she hadn't managed to eat for 36hrs apparently, totally slipped her mind apparently 😐so she got this large takeaway. My SIL will eat a healthy takeaway without starving herself but she will eat small portions and would have gone for a run at least 3x that week. She is not excessive but it is disingenuous to say this is not purposeful as it is!

I couldn't tell you what Z list celebrities answer about their diet, or how much they weigh

I do because it affects people's perceptions. So for a young woman who is struggling with her weight and hears thin celebrities say they eat loads and never go to the gym gives an unrealistic expectation and leaves an average person with a sense of failure. Why can they eat lots, never exercise and stay so thin and I can't? Also in terms of men, they are given the warped idea that therefore any woman who is not thin must be totally gluttonous..In reality, even small things such as a biscuit with your tea, an extra roast potato on your dinner can easily up your calories and see you creep into the overweight category.

Right - well I guess a lot of it is to do with work culture, where you are in the country etc and, as I say, where I work now, it's very different and no-one would dream of making rude comments. People do talk about the diets they are on and a few are looking to lose weight but thankfully no-one sees fit to jump in and lecture them on their carb-free / couch to 5k success etc. But it's a small, supportive workplace and I can imagine it might not be the norm.

Not sure why my comment further up came out all huge and bold. Didn't mean to shout!!

And you stated that you would put on weight if you didn't eat healthy most of the time and exercise whereas as my 16 year old son regularly eats a wrap, a double Whopper meal, chicken nuggets and cheese bites on the side in one sitting and then will want food again that is a big serving for dinner that is quite apart from all the snacks and he still doesn't put on weight, he doesn't do any purposeful exercise most days other than walking to a bus stop, occasionally playing football but now he has finished school that has happened. This is naturally skinny not what you are describing.