Skinny shaming

[Bobski123]

I was doing some moving and handling training for part of my job. The trainer required a volunteer, I offered and she said "Oh no not you, you're far too skinny."
She then chose a larger lady.
I get it's supposed to be some sort of compliment because being thin is 'desirable'.
However if she'd said "Not you, you're far too fat." She'd possibly be out of a job by now.
However it's ok to say the opposite.
I should've responded really.
It's like that meme going around with a picture of Sophia Loren and the caption "I'd rather eat pizza and drink wine than be a size 0."
A few of my colleagues posted it and I just think, yawn. They aren't mutually exclusive, ok, size 0 is very small but the point is you can enjoy pizza, wine whatever and still remain slim. I'm just over it.

Therefore someone saying ugh, you're too fat comes with so much more baggage than someone saying ugh, you're too thin.

That's not true.
The assumption if you're fat is that you're greedy or lazy.
The assumption if you're skinny is that you have MH problems, an eating disorder, or are overly concerned with your image

It should be offensive to call a woman "skinny" in the same way it would be to say a man or a dog is "skinny" i.e too thin, but it isn't because of the way society is structured.
Women are taught implicitly and explicitly to shrink themselves in every sense possible; we physically see this in terms of the societal preoccupation with women being thin.
Women are rewarded for following the rules, and being thin is one of those rules.

Yes, you said it far more succinctly than me!

It was a throw away comment, she was getting a coffee befor a meeting, the colleague wasn't skinny she is slim. She definitely wasn't looking for a motivational talk. The thin colleague had totally misjudged and was really just trying to tell her how easy it is, except it isn't and her explanation did in all honesty sound like a very boring existence.

This is the point though, apparently it is fine to discuss weight and make "throwaway comments" on someone else's body if you are fat, if you aren't and discuss weight then all of a sudden it's offensive.

Your overweight colleague should learn what is acceptable in the workplace. "I was I was skinny like X" is just unnecessary conversation at work.

And there it is again, of course the thin person had a 'very boring existence' because she can run 5k and doesn't overeat. Only fat people are vivacious, fun and live life. Yawn.

She isn't skinny she's slim like 99% of us who do have the ALK gene she isn't naturally weight resistant, she was describing all the behaviour and purposeful things she does like 99% of us would have to do to be slim. Not everyone who does not do this stuff is fat though, the colleague wasn't fat I would say like most of us at the other end of the acceptable weight, like most of us who find it easy to put on weight with only small poor choices, she was just bigger than the slim colleague. Yes, the slim colleague did describe a very dull obsessive existence but probably didn't realise. My DD'S friends Mum is the same, she definitely doesn't realise it but the way she lives is much more focused on diet, exercise and going to bed very early to avoid eating I would imagine. Lots of cake making for other people but never eating it yourself. On the other hand sister in law doesn't deprive herself in her mind but behaviour like having your main meal at lunchtime not drinking, one chocolate for a treat a day are her living her life but obviously the purpose is to maintain healthy to low weight. If she didn't behave like this she would put on weight like 99% of us do easily.

The colleague isn't skinny she is slim, it is a compliment and the slim colleague certainly took it as such and do you know why that is because despite your protestations, slim is desirable and overweight or even well covered is not.

@Goldenbear You're being pretty finicky with your wording if you are claiming "overweight" isn't "fat".

Fat, skinny and slim are not technical terms. Most people would describe overweight as fat, you aren't only fat if you are 300lbs.

I said a larger woman as in larger than the slim colleague.

Not technical terms no but culturally I think we all no there is a difference between skinny and slim. Again, why protest at this notion.

You get much more abuse from women when you are skinny than when you are fat whereas men appear to be equally nasty to fat and skinny women.

When I was underweight I usually knew when female class mates, coworkers etc went on a diet. Because then they pretty much wanted to kill me. Especially if they saw me eating my huge lunch.
I never commented on anyone's weight and we got along well when they weren't on a diet. I did distance myself from some of them while or after their diets, though. Some comments are unforgivable and when someone shows me who they are, I believe them.

Some of them lost quite a lot of their friends due to their behaviour while on a diet.

I was very slim at 18 and I got so many whines of 'It's not fair!!' from friends. I wasn't doing anything special, I was just 18. I'm still slim now, but 1st heavier than when I was that age.

I think this is slightly paranoid, I mean do you really think that women on mass are so jealous of your 'big lunch' so all women, whatever age are thinking, 'what a bitch she is with her big lunch'. Yeah right. Reinforcing sexist stereotypes about women there really aren't you.

There is totally a difference between the adjectives skinny and slim. The latter is a compliment, the former definitely isn't and comes with all sorts of implications

You described her as overweight.

"the overweight women looked taken a back as she just wanted a coffee."

Is there a difference between overweight and fat?

I don't agree, I don't think in any way you can say that is an absolute and it is offensive. 'Skinny' has positive connotations and is desired hence why it is used in marketing products e.g 'Skinny Latte' why not call it 'slim Latte' if what you are saying is true pretty poor marketing choice, not going to sell many of the there is no desirability around the word.

Not a relevant comparison. In that context, skinny is a reflection of the calories in it. I agree with much of what you've said above but the idea that 'skinny' is universally a compliment is nuts. "You're looking a bit skinny", "skinny bitch" etc The implication is that you're just skin on bone. Def not flattering. People, as a compliment, might say "ooh you look lovely and slim" - they'd never say "ooh you look lovely and skinny".

https://www.thefreedictionary.com/skinny

a. Having very little bodily flesh or fat, often unattractively so; very thin.

It is absolutely not just about the calories the drink contains, if it was, surely it would be marketed with another name, it isn't like there aren't any to chose from, I mean if slim is categorically better than skinny as you arguing why not choose slim. When you are marketing a product it is not just about a literal description, it's the aspirational elements that are going to sell many of them. There is Skinny Food co, there is 'Skinny lager', 'Skinny cow ice cream', if it was an offensive word, that no one saw as a compliment then I'm not sure why you would think any of these products would sell. After all it makes you think of being 'skinny' if you buy this food and drink and who wants to be that 🙄im sorry but this is disingenuous.

I agree OP. Also as a slim person it’s very hard to put on weight, whereas if you’re fat you just need to cut down on the calories

Well yes if you are one of the 1% that have an absence of the ALK gene that is resistant to weight gain but if you are like 99% of us it is actually very easy to put on weight and a lot harder to lose it!

It sounds like a passive-aggressive comment and the woman whose body was being discussed wasn’t putting up with it.

It’s never nice when someone says things like “I wish I was like…” about someone standing right there It never comes from a good place. It never feels good to hear it.

Absolute nonsense. I've been thin before. It was hard work and I had to be very careful not to put weight on.

Well, I guess we'll have to agree to differ. Have to admit I'd never come across the Skinny food Co who I've just looked up. I mean, they do make a point of saying on their website: "When we say Skinny, we’re talking about our food. Skinny because of the sugar we take away. Skinny because of the calories we reduce down to virtually zero. That’s the only Skinny we care about."

But I'm sure you'll say that's just talk / box ticking etc, and maybe that's right. I still think that in the context of marketing products skinny is generally shorthand for low in calories. I honestly don't think people drink 'skinny beer' because they aspiring to be skinny any more than people buying 'fat bastard burritos' etc...

But I 100% stand by the statement that describing someone as skinny is not a compliment whereas slim is.

What, if someone said this to me I wouldn't think it was an insult. I think it's funny that you have made the assumption that I would not know what that is like- I have been complimented on my skinniness and looks guess what even when I was at the upper end of BMI (I know what you are thinking, unbelievable) in 40s and still get compliments. Chatted up loads in my 20s and 30s, can't say it felt that bad/good I was indifferent about it, a bit annoying sometimes when I was a bar person. My DH complimented me on my face after about 10 mins of chatting to him. I'm still with him 16 years later, I honestly didn't think to myself he is coming from a bad place.

I'm not suggesting they are wanting to be skinny, well even if they are they are not realists as mostly not attainable by 99% of us. But the word doesn't have all these negative connotations when it comes to weight, if it did why not just use 'slim' you still haven't suggested why the word is chosen at all? You say because it is used to explain the low calorie element but slim can be used.