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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give pocket money??

140 replies

hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:01

2 DCs 14 and 17. Oldest has a weekend job and uses money to buy clothes, fund his socialising.
I give them £18 each a week for lunches. I buy any clothes they need and they generally don't go without. I expect them to do their share about the house to help... tidy bedrooms, load/empty washer, set table, etc.
14 year old complaining that he wants paid for these tasks but I refuse to, my point being that he needs to contribute to the family running of the house. I have offered to pay him for other jobs -wash car etc but he's less than keen!! His point is that he has no money to do anything because I don't give pocket money. AIBU?

OP posts:
Clymene · 10/07/2023 20:04

How is he supposed to pay for going out with friends etc if he doesn't get pocket money?

Have you never given them pocket money?

Stickybackplasticbear · 10/07/2023 20:05

This seems fair enough as you've given the younger one a way to earn pocket money. But I think you do need to understand that the younger one couldn't really earn his own money as he's too young for a job. There's a difficult period of a few years as a teen when they want to do stuff but can't have a job really. Also what did you do when the older one was that age? Did they get pocket money or money in exchange for household jobs?

Whinge · 10/07/2023 20:07

His point is that he has no money to do anything because I don't give pocket money.

Well technically he's not wrong. You may buy clothes and make sure they don't go without but he doesn't have money to spend on seeing friends or days out.

How much are you offering for the odd jobs, and is it actually enough for a trip to the cinema or a meal out with friends?

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 10/07/2023 20:07

DS is 14 and has a part time job so it is possible, although maybe dependant on where you live. If he has no other money then that sucks for him really, although £18 seems a lot for lunches! You’ve offered him a way to earn money though so it’s up to him to accept or not.

Sirzy · 10/07/2023 20:09

If he goes out with friends or something do you provide him with money?

i think some level of pocket money at that age if you can afford it is a good way for them to learn to budget.

00100001 · 10/07/2023 20:09

Why does he want to be paid to do household jobs, but not car washes.

00100001 · 10/07/2023 20:09

Oh wait never mind, he doesn't want to do anything extra to earn the money. Lazy git.

Peacoffee · 10/07/2023 20:10

This sort of depends on how much you pay for these odd jobs and how much opportunity he would have to earn a reasonable amount.

Personally I do think it’s a parents job to give a young teen pocket money. Having a set allowance is much better for their development than paying for something as and when it comes up.

Original poster
hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:11

00100001 · 10/07/2023 20:09

Why does he want to be paid to do household jobs, but not car washes.

He thinks car washing is hard work!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:13

Clymene · 10/07/2023 20:04

How is he supposed to pay for going out with friends etc if he doesn't get pocket money?

Have you never given them pocket money?

I've never given pocket money to either child. They have always saved birthday and Christmas money and used that to buy what they want and grandparent gives them occasional £10 here and there.

OP posts:
GeekyThings · 10/07/2023 20:14

How much are you offering him? Because if it isn't a comparable sum to his older brother's job, it at least enough to actually buy things and hang out with his friends, then I can understand why he doesn't want to do it. I wouldn't want to do extra chores for pennies, and I have to do the chores!

Blossomtoes · 10/07/2023 20:14

I don’t understand how you expect a child to learn the value of money or how to manage it if you never give them any. Pocket money proportionate to age is a fairly basic part of bringing a child up unless you’re on the bones of your arse.

edwinbear · 10/07/2023 20:15

My 14 year old gets £30 a month as his ‘spends’. He spends most of it on after school snacks/drinks which is a total waste of money in my mind, given we’re a 10min walk from school and have a full fridge. But his choice. If he wants money for PlayStation crap, he knows he has to cut down on his post school snacks & pay for it himself. If he wants to go out with his mates, train/bus fares, cinema tickets, burgers etc come out if this.

We still pay for his clothes, sports clubs/equipment, haircuts, general needs. But we do think he needs a bit of his own cash to start learning to budget. He’s expected to keep his room tidy, put dirty washing in the laundry basket and put his clean clothes away, but we have a cleaner, so he’s not required to vacuum etc. He probably has fewer chores than most. However, he loses his allowance for any hint of rudeness, poor schoolwork, detentions etc. He can earn extra by washing cars, an exceptional school report or sports performance might get him an extra £10. It’s working for us.

Original poster
hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:15

How much do you deem reasonable for a 14 yo ?

OP posts:
Whinge · 10/07/2023 20:16

hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:13

I've never given pocket money to either child. They have always saved birthday and Christmas money and used that to buy what they want and grandparent gives them occasional £10 here and there.

Show quote history

I can't imagine birthday and Christmas money goes far. For example if they get £100 that may seem like a lot, but a single Xbox game and a trip to the cinema could easily see the entire savings pot spent.

Butchyrestingface · 10/07/2023 20:18

I've never given pocket money to either child. They have always saved birthday and Christmas money and used that to buy what they want and grandparent gives them occasional £10 here and there.

Is there a particular reason for that? Are you financially strapped and can't afford to?

Blossomtoes · 10/07/2023 20:18

hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:15

How much do you deem reasonable for a 14 yo ?

How much do his peers get? You could ask around a few of their parents - you’ll probably get wildly different answers but then you could pitch it somewhere in the middle.

Original poster
hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:20

Butchyrestingface · 10/07/2023 20:18

I've never given pocket money to either child. They have always saved birthday and Christmas money and used that to buy what they want and grandparent gives them occasional £10 here and there.

Is there a particular reason for that? Are you financially strapped and can't afford to?

Far from strapped, it's just something we have never done. Older child never once asked either. Believe me, they definitely don't do without!

OP posts:
Greydogs123 · 10/07/2023 20:20

I think as you didn’t give pocket money to the oldest then it’s fine to not give to youngest. Keep reiterating that if they need money they can do actual jobs to help out or go and fine a job, such as a paper round.

takealettermsjones · 10/07/2023 20:21

I think if he's having to save Christmas money just to go out and see his friends, that's unfair, unless of course you just can't afford it.

It's really crap having no money as a teen.

Original poster
hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:21

Greydogs123 · 10/07/2023 20:20

I think as you didn’t give pocket money to the oldest then it’s fine to not give to youngest. Keep reiterating that if they need money they can do actual jobs to help out or go and fine a job, such as a paper round.

Agree! I'm more than happy to pay him to do extra chores around the house, but I'm not handing him pocket money for the sake of it!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/07/2023 20:22

OK here's my system, which so far has worked brilliantly.

Half their age in pounds per week, not connected to any housework. So a quid at 2 years old, a fiver at ten. They can spend this on anything they like, not policed by me at all. You want to spend it all on sweets or an online game, that's your business.

Unconnected, there is housework that needs to be done. Dishwasher, clothes washing, pet care etc. They do it because they are part of the household, not because they are paid. Same as the adults. I ask nicely and say thanks.

They learn money management (better than me so far) and to look after a home. No arguments because (as I've seen in their friends' houses) they'd rather be lazy and poor!

Your way makes no sense to me at all.

Hmmthatsgoodchicken · 10/07/2023 20:23

I used to give DD (13) £40 per month. Then she got a Saturday job and makes about £80 per month.
She goes to Costa, cinema, shopping and I don't have to hand over any cash, it's great 😂.

Peacoffee · 10/07/2023 20:23

So his christmas or birthday present is being able to go to the cinema in April? That seems quite mean unless you have literally nothing spare.
Is this money you give them or other relatives?
At 14 he’s old enough to have some say over his own money imo. He’s going to be an outlier among his peers by having no pocket money.

Whinge · 10/07/2023 20:24

hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:21

Agree! I'm more than happy to pay him to do extra chores around the house, but I'm not handing him pocket money for the sake of it!

Show quote history

Again, how much do you pay for these jobs? It's ok to say you offer money for car washing etc, but if it's only £3 every few months that's not really the same as having a monthly allowance, which is what many of his friends will have.