To not give pocket money??

[hecktoe]

2 DCs 14 and 17. Oldest has a weekend job and uses money to buy clothes, fund his socialising.
I give them £18 each a week for lunches. I buy any clothes they need and they generally don't go without. I expect them to do their share about the house to help... tidy bedrooms, load/empty washer, set table, etc.
14 year old complaining that he wants paid for these tasks but I refuse to, my point being that he needs to contribute to the family running of the house. I have offered to pay him for other jobs -wash car etc but he's less than keen!! His point is that he has no money to do anything because I don't give pocket money. AIBU?

I think it would be more unreasonable if you did give the 14yo pocket money when you didn't your eldest.

You've offered a way for him to earn money, he refuses. It would be wrong to go oh OK then here you go anyway ££.

YANBU.

I wanted spending money when I was 14, I got a job.

But the time the eldest was 14 it was lock down so they didn't need money.

My children are the same age and have money for extra clothes, lip balm and meeting friends.

and if I offered an allowance and expected her to buy clothes and toiletries etc with it, she would blow it on crap.

Yes, and that would teach her an important lesson. Like it taught mine, years ago.

You're going to send your child out into the world in the next few years with no skills.

Just like riding a bike or leaning to do anything, there is an element of failure along the way. What do you think is going to magically happen at 18 to make sure she won't get into debt buying crap?

I gave my DSs pocket money for years, older one got slightly more at the beginning but ended up evening it out.

They learned to budget really well. They now have part time jobs (recently) and they have both said they no longer need the pocket money, although I have told them that if i in the fortnight (they and I get paid fortnightly) they haven't had shifts and don't get paid I will still give them their pocket money.

They both sued their pocket money in different ways, one to socialise, the other for online games, but both saved a fair proportion. Their choice entirely how they used it, and actually it ended up costing me LESS because I didn't get the constant requests for games, pizza with friends, etc. they budgeted it out of their money. Win win!

Totally agree with Kookaburra - by giving set pocket money per month DC cost us less than giving money each time they wanted to go to cinema/ Costa/buy nail varnish etc. Wasn't tied to chores, as pp have said we all muck in as part of the family. We did however make school lunches part of pocket money - there was always enough in at home to make a packed lunch, including specific ingredients/treats they requested, so if they chose to buy a school dinner that came out of pocket money. They also had to buy clothes they wanted rather than needed (or they were birthday presents or we split the cost if they wanted branded we paid the basic cost and they added the extra). Presents for friends' birthdays we paid half and they paid half. All of the above helped them to budget - 12 yo DS blew all his pocket money on cinema, Macdonald's and a coke in the cinema at the beginning of the Easter holidays. 11 years later he has saved a house deposit and is looking to buy only one year post graduating.

Yes this @MrsTerryPratchett .

I found before the were told to use their pocket money if we were out and they asked for something I'd say no problem, you've got money. That definitely focused whether they wanted to buy it or not 🤣. Usually it was not!

OP allow your children budget skills

One of mine has had to wait a few years but has just bought his own console to be like his friends - with his own savings (separate account from his pocket money allowance). We don't buy them stuff just because they want it. They have to learn about the value of money. So far my secondary aged DC have done well on this life lesson. My eldest used his savings for buying his own PC a few years ago. It can be done.

They aren't materialistic kids and don't care about labels/branded stuff thankfully. If they did it would probably mean they would blow all their savings and/or pocket money.

You said you give £18 a week for lunches, is there an option to make their own and keep that money? we tried that with DS for a while to show him the markup on the school meals and how far the money goes if you make your own instead.

If I offered an allowance and expected her to buy clothes and toiletries etc with it, she would blow it on crap.

That's the whole point.

There isn't one right way - each family will have their own dynamics.

But not giving a teen any budgeted amount that they are expected to manage in some agreed way is silly.

With your 16 yo, she can come & ask you for money whenever she wants to do stuff. So there is no planning or budgeting needed by her!

Equally you say she'd blow it - but doing this a few times & not having money for going out etc would help her learn! My 14 yo, very different to his 16 yo sister, got quite upset that his pocket money wasn't covering repeated trips to Spar, where he was spending €8 - €10 a time! I had to explain the choices he had in this regard - he found it all a bit painful but the penny is dropping more (plus with a limited budget that limits the amount of crap he can buy). If I was paying each time it would be for me to manage plus a task to work out when to say yes / no.

We give pocket money because it is an important part of learning to manage your own money, use bank accounts, budgeting and saving. Our DCs also had part time jobs as soon as they were old enough as they soon realised that pocket money is not enough to cover everything they wanted to do.

I don't see how. He buys a magazine and sweets and saves £5.

Definitely this.

Another thought about using Christmas and birthday money in lieu of pocket money is that if I was the aunt or whoever giving that money it's meant to be for fun extra stuff in lieu of a gift. I'd be a bit annoyed if I learned that was being used instead of providing the child with pocket money.

My son get £50 a month on pay day. If he wants sweets/pop/going out with friends/new trainers when he doesnt needs them etc then its up to him to pay for them. We pay for all toiletries, clothes he needs, clubs, lunches etc but if he is going to maccies with friends its up to him to pay. He wants a job but gcse year is coming up and i would rather pay him to revise (the £50 pocket money) than him take time out to work.

That’s such a good point. I’d be really cross if I was essentially subsidising the parents. We stopped giving money to a child in our family when we discovered they never saw it because it was being siphoned into their savings account. They get vouchers now.