To not give pocket money??

[hecktoe]

2 DCs 14 and 17. Oldest has a weekend job and uses money to buy clothes, fund his socialising.
I give them £18 each a week for lunches. I buy any clothes they need and they generally don't go without. I expect them to do their share about the house to help... tidy bedrooms, load/empty washer, set table, etc.
14 year old complaining that he wants paid for these tasks but I refuse to, my point being that he needs to contribute to the family running of the house. I have offered to pay him for other jobs -wash car etc but he's less than keen!! His point is that he has no money to do anything because I don't give pocket money. AIBU?

@hecktoe I'm not handing him pocket money for the sake of it!
You don’t think it’s your job as a parent to pay for your child to socialise, when they are largely too young for a job?

I'm not handing him pocket money for the sake of it!

It's not for the sake of it. It's to teach prioritisation, money management, deferred gratification, the value of money, self reliance... all of that and more.

My 12yo and 16yo both get £10/month paid into their bank accounts. They can use it or save it as they want. In return, they are expected to help around the house with various chores. Putting out recycling, helping a parent with supermarket shop, dog walking daily, and small errands like nipping round to local shop for milk if I run out etc.

12yo Dts get £30 a month, it really doesn't go far anymore. They want to go out with their friends, and I have to facilitate it.

They have to help around the house but it isn't linked to pocket money it's linked to living as a family.

Wouldn’t the eldest have been 14 in the midst of COVID where he had little to spend money on? So circumstances are quite different?

But surely paying for doing jobs that need doing is making it seem optional and something they can pick to do. I don’t get paying them to contribute to their household.

Did you get pocket money, OP?

It’s highly unusual and quite mean spirited never to give pocket money. Not going without it not the same as having a bit of money to call you own. Especially when you are 14 and wanting to meet up with friend. Opportunities to earn extra should, in my opinion, be additional to a basic level of pocket money. Finances permitting of course. Lunch money is irrelevant.

I've just remembered by poor BF growing up who had parents who were control freaks like this and would hand over money only with a purpose and only if she did housework.

Let me tell you, she managed to get access to things they didn't know about and how she did that wasn't pretty. Thieving, dodgy relationships, you name it.

I was trying not to say that but I can imagine if you have no money at all the temptation to help yourself to someone else’s could be quite strong.

If he's the only one of his friends who gets no pocket money and also has to do chores, I'm not surprised he's not willing to do anything more.

I gave mine a £7-10/ week at that age. They could save for a game or spend it on a cinema ticket or whatever they wanted.

I buy all essentials.

You sound incredibly mean

For example if they get £100 that may seem like a lot, but a single Xbox game and a trip to the cinema could easily see the entire savings pot spent.

Those are expensive things! Xbox games especially. Im not that old (30s!) and when i was a teen you got those for birthdays/xmas, you didn't just get to buy them routinely through the year as they are extortionate.

Teens these days seem to expect free access to the sorts of things when i was a child were considered luxuries only afforded by working adults, or teens who worked their bums off at saturday jobs or chores. Premium branded gear, console games, brand new iPhones etc. It just leads to entitled adults who think they deserve the trappings of wealthy lifestyle on a low responsibility job.

If he wants this shit he can wash the car for it like OP has offered.

@Blossomtoes or just to have to be the poor mate or sponguer of the group which is equally awful in a different way.

£10 doesn’t get much these days though does it? A macdonalds is £7/8.

Assuming you are not desperately poor then yes, it sounds like you’re being very mean.

Like a PP, I’m curious to know what amounts you’re offering for washing the car and any other chores.

It's fairly standard to give pocket money, I would say it's unusual not to.

I gave £30 per month to each of my teens. We also paid for phones (usually as a Christmas/birthday present), some clothes, haircuts etc. Then they had to get a weekend job or do extra chores (over and above what they were expected to do anyway) to get extra cash.

Pocket money, as long as you can afford it, is surely just what you do for your kids. It's a great way for children to learn how to budget, what's worth saving for and what is not, and helping them to make choices.

No and I never felt hard fine by, quite the opposite really!

But Op was talking about spending Christmas and birthday money.

He doesn't get random money to just buy things. OP buys his lunches and the grandparents might give him £10 throughout the year.

That's a pathetic amount and extraordinarily mean to give the same amount to the 16 year old as the 12 year old.

My DH had a paper round at 13

A quick google suggests £50 p/m is the average pocket money for a 14 year old in the UK.

Its funny op, DH is quite posh & from loaded parents. He never got pocket money and is excellent at budgeting and wastes very little money.

I was given quite a bit of pocket money and am definitely more prone to spend than him. Im now inclined to think the thing that makes you most careful with money is not having any until you've earned it through your own hard work!

I'd be inclined to offer chores like the car washing etc but pay them rather generously.

How many years ago was that? Do most people even have physical newspapers any more?