To not give pocket money??

[hecktoe]

2 DCs 14 and 17. Oldest has a weekend job and uses money to buy clothes, fund his socialising.
I give them £18 each a week for lunches. I buy any clothes they need and they generally don't go without. I expect them to do their share about the house to help... tidy bedrooms, load/empty washer, set table, etc.
14 year old complaining that he wants paid for these tasks but I refuse to, my point being that he needs to contribute to the family running of the house. I have offered to pay him for other jobs -wash car etc but he's less than keen!! His point is that he has no money to do anything because I don't give pocket money. AIBU?

Funnily enough OP has decided to ignore questions asking how much these random jobs pay, so I'm guessing it isn't much at all.

I mean let’s face it those are few and far between these days! I don’t know a single person who still gets a paper delivered these days, it was much more common 20 years ago.
And I say that as someone who worked in a shop from the age of 13 but it’s just not accessible for a 13 year old to get a job these days.

Wtf am I reading? If you’re not hard up then you’re being really stingy.

My 15 yo gets £100 a month pocket money - she knows that when I get paid, so does she. She’s learnt to budget and knows not to ask for anything else in between.

It’s less than £25 a week and covers all her socialising and random shit she wants to buy (mostly clothes off Vinted). School dinner money is separate.

I don’t give pocket money. Kids use birthday money and if they want to go out I give them money specifically. Will buy clothes but generally they look to make their money work for them and have never been given any demands for
pricey designers named items.

I think I there is a biggish gap where pocket money gets spent on junk food more than anything and while I don’t mind some of that it seemed daft to encourage it. They work and save and get a gift for bigger jobs. Recently I have them all a one off bigger sum and all chose to get saving so seems to have worked here.

Probably £3 for washing a car. He could buy a mars bar while all his mates get the bus into town and go to the cinema.

My DH had a paper round at 13

My FIL was down a coal mine at 15. Times change.

Dd gets £60 per month, similar age (15). We pay for school lunch, basic refurbished phone and clothes.
It's what me Dad used to call "walking about money".

Whinge

Why does he need random money though?

When i was teen i lived in a middle class area and at 14 we weren't out spending money to socialise. We met at each others homes, we weren't off spending money constantly. If i was going swimming or something mum/dad would pay the entry. Hardly anyone got given a lot of money, i was given relatively more than most & tbh it got wittered away on sweets & snacks and gave me sugar addiction for life.

Spending money to socialise etc kicked in when we all got jobs at 16.

What I did is this. I gave pocket money with no strings because we all need money to live in society. I also expected them to contribute to the family community by doing chores appropriate to their age, and the time needed for sports or schoolwork. I believe very strongly that there should be no connection between pocket money and chores. One is a right. The other is a commitment and a responsibility.

Jumpers for goalposts?

You don't want to set the bar too high with pocket money as then they'll not want to go out looking for a part time job from aged 16, or it won't encourage them to help with DIY jobs for extra cash in the family home/garden (fence painting £50 for example).

But OP are you saying your 14 yo has to use his Christmas & birthday money for going out with pals, trips to shops or the cinema?

That's mad!

And yes, car washing is hard work!

I give pocket money, not quite linked to tasks either - they are expected to help regardless. It's often not enough for DS (14) to do all he wants so sometimes it's supplemented eg during summer or for special occasions, sometimes he needs to use birthday or other money, and sometimes he can get extra by doing a bigger chore.

I'm trying to figure out how he can afford to do anything with his friends?

What did the 17 year old do for money when he was 14?

£10 a month for a 16 year old?! Blimey.

Thx thread’s hilarious, there are some people living in the dark ages. Paper rounds? Fourteen year olds never going out with their mates? What planet are some of you living on?

For all those chores I’d forgo the tenner and have an easy life 😂😂 daily dog walking? That’s 33p a dog walk. Lord alive.

£10 gets you absolutely nowhere these days!

That's great, you got pocket money and wasted it because you never went out anywhere, and if you did your parents paid extra on top of the pocket money for entry fees etc. That's nothing like the OPs son, who has to use his birthday and Christmas money if he wants to buy something, or go out with his friends. Or he can do random jobs like clean the car for presumably a tiny amount of spare change.

It's really tight not to give pocket money. Fine to give extra for chores too, but a basic amount of cash for socialising at that age is expected. If you were fostering a child you'd be told to do this.

It means that they need to learn budgeting skills then. If they get given everything handed out to them where is the incentive to strive for part time work?

I’m afraid I do think it’s a bit mean to not give any pocket money when you can afford to. Lunches and clothes are completely separate, you’re required to provide for your dc.

DD13 gets €50 every month. The agreement is that she must save €10 (our attempt to make saving a habit) and she’s free to spend the rest on whatever (well, as long as it’s legal). It gives her some age appropriate freedom to socialise with her friends and she has to think about what she wants to buy or do as it has to last her for the month.

We’re strict about when it’s gone it’s gone so if there’s too much month at the end of the money she knows she won’t be able to join her friends if they’re doing anything that costs. As a result she doesn’t spend a lot on sweets and fizzy drinks and she’s developing some good bargain hunting and budgeting skills.

You want your 12 year old to get a part time job?

Dont you care about his schooling? Children with part time jobs generally suffer for it at school.

I know right. And I’m trying to figure out how you can make a £10 last a month 😂

My 16yo can get a job if he is not happy with £10/month. Making it easy for him would ultimately be doing him a disservice long term.

I was referring to the 16yo. Wasn't aware 12yo kids could work.

You can’t budget with nothing to begin with! The 12 year old could barely go swimming and get a drink after once in the month with that.