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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give pocket money??

140 replies

hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:01

2 DCs 14 and 17. Oldest has a weekend job and uses money to buy clothes, fund his socialising.
I give them £18 each a week for lunches. I buy any clothes they need and they generally don't go without. I expect them to do their share about the house to help... tidy bedrooms, load/empty washer, set table, etc.
14 year old complaining that he wants paid for these tasks but I refuse to, my point being that he needs to contribute to the family running of the house. I have offered to pay him for other jobs -wash car etc but he's less than keen!! His point is that he has no money to do anything because I don't give pocket money. AIBU?

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 10/07/2023 20:58

Vettrianofan · 10/07/2023 20:51

It means that they need to learn budgeting skills then. If they get given everything handed out to them where is the incentive to strive for part time work?

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You can’t learn budgeting skills if you’ve got no money to budget.

AbsolutelyNebulous · 10/07/2023 20:59

Vettrianofan · 10/07/2023 20:51

It means that they need to learn budgeting skills then. If they get given everything handed out to them where is the incentive to strive for part time work?

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There are no budgeting skills that can make £10 stretch like bloody elastic!

Vettrianofan · 10/07/2023 21:08

Peacoffee · 10/07/2023 20:57

You can’t budget with nothing to begin with! The 12 year old could barely go swimming and get a drink after once in the month with that.

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But if any of the DC are heading out with friends for a McDonald's or ice cream then they can have money for this. Same for residential trips. I don't mind handing them money for stuff like that as it's something that they rarely do. Activities are funded by DH and I too.

They are all given money for savings monthly too. Hardly destitute!!😆

teabag56 · 10/07/2023 21:09

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

Ilikejamtarts · 10/07/2023 21:09

Neither of mine have pocket money (13 and 15) eldest is an introvert so doesn't go anywhere to spend and is very good at saving birthday/Xmas money and will use that for new games through the year. Youngest also does the same with his. If he runs out of his present money and wants something he will ask if there's any Jobs he can do to earn some money but this rarely happens. Youngest plays out with friends and has my card on his apple pay, if he wants to nip in the shop whilst out he will tot up how much he needs and message to ask first. Usually a couple of quid for a drink and snack. I pay for all their necessities and social outings with friends which rarely happen. I've asked if they would like pocket money and both said they are happy with how things work now. I'd say it would average I spend about £40 a month on their none necessities. Both kids are grateful, not greedy and are able to save and manage any gift money so it works for all of us at the moment.

Vettrianofan · 10/07/2023 21:14

My older DC tend to play musical instruments and hang out with friends at their own house or their friends houses so don't need money for very much. Have free bus passes to get around🤷🏻

justanothermanicmonday1 · 10/07/2023 21:16

Really surprised that the youngest hasn't been given pocket money. At his age we where getting £10 a week, then when we were 16 it was £20 a week. I got my first job at 18 and then it stopped obviously.

CherryBlossom321 · 10/07/2023 21:17

Mine are 11 and 14, and they each have a monthly allowance. Not for domestic duties because in reality there’s no monetary gain for those things once you’re an adult, and intrinsic motivation is important when it comes to participation in the running of the family household. They can do tasks for extras if it’s affordable for us, and they’ve spent up, or saving for something big.

Their basic allowance covers social engagements, sweets, accessories, toiletries, makeup… we buy their clothes, footwear and other expenses.

Crumpleton · 10/07/2023 21:18

Clymene · 10/07/2023 20:04

How is he supposed to pay for going out with friends etc if he doesn't get pocket money?

Have you never given them pocket money?

You can work certain jobs at 14.

Many youngsters start by doing a paper round.

Snugglemonkey · 10/07/2023 21:19

I think children need pocket money. My son is 7 and has been getting it for a few years. I don't see how we can expect them to learn to manage money without then having money to manage. We give a base rate, but extra can be earned by doing jobs. Car washing is quite a big job. How much are you offering for that? Is it worth his while?

Peacoffee · 10/07/2023 21:21

Crumpleton · 10/07/2023 21:18

You can work certain jobs at 14.

Many youngsters start by doing a paper round.

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Seriously, how many people do you know who get a newspaper delivered?

Surely you have to acknowledge the concept of a paper is almost fully redundant now?

Visions of little Timmy cycling down the middle of a cul-de-sac are a bit 1970s at this point.

Snugglemonkey · 10/07/2023 21:23

hecktoe · 10/07/2023 20:21

Agree! I'm more than happy to pay him to do extra chores around the house, but I'm not handing him pocket money for the sake of it!

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I think giving him money so that he can fund a social life is a basic requirement of parenting to be honest.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/07/2023 21:23

Many youngsters start by doing a paper round.

Not many, these days, unless it's v different in the UK to Ireland.

It's nearly impossible to work here if under 16 (max 8 hours per week).

I'm sure many did; but these days, not giving DC pocket money that they can use at their discretion is really mean.

babbscrabbs · 10/07/2023 21:24

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/07/2023 20:22

OK here's my system, which so far has worked brilliantly.

Half their age in pounds per week, not connected to any housework. So a quid at 2 years old, a fiver at ten. They can spend this on anything they like, not policed by me at all. You want to spend it all on sweets or an online game, that's your business.

Unconnected, there is housework that needs to be done. Dishwasher, clothes washing, pet care etc. They do it because they are part of the household, not because they are paid. Same as the adults. I ask nicely and say thanks.

They learn money management (better than me so far) and to look after a home. No arguments because (as I've seen in their friends' houses) they'd rather be lazy and poor!

Your way makes no sense to me at all.

We do similar

Blossomtoes · 10/07/2023 21:25

God these paper rounds must be amazing. Remind me what year this is - still 1980 in some places obviously.

Bibbetybobbity · 10/07/2023 21:25

MNetters can be quite performative with this stuff ‘my 16 year old gets 2p and a button and is delighted with that even though we could afford to give them more’ and back in the real world kids get pocket money. Unless they never go out, they’re 100% cringing at not being able to afford the basics.

Snugglemonkey · 10/07/2023 21:27

Daisydu · 10/07/2023 20:46

£10 a month for a 16 year old?! Blimey.

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I am surprised you this too. My 6 year old gets £10 a week.

Crumpleton · 10/07/2023 21:28

Peacoffee · 10/07/2023 21:21

Seriously, how many people do you know who get a newspaper delivered?

Surely you have to acknowledge the concept of a paper is almost fully redundant now?

Visions of little Timmy cycling down the middle of a cul-de-sac are a bit 1970s at this point.

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Both my local newsagents still deliver newspapers and have a waiting list for kids wanting a round.

We also have the free monthly local news paper and magazine delivered.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/07/2023 21:31

@MrsTerryPratchett

Similar with mine too.

I find about 14 it gets a little complicated as they need more than they were getting, without being able to supplement it, as my 16 yo can.

My DS (2nd child) is woeful. He wants to meet up with his buddies after school on Friday & weekends & cannot understand where all his money goes - it's pretty easy to spend most of your money quickly on chicken rolls / drinks! He finds this very painful to accept!

I'm very strong on doing chores just because. They don't get paid to do tasks, and all of them now will cook, iron, put on washes, dry up etc. there's a few jobs I won't ask them to do as I'm very particular.

AbsolutelyNebulous · 10/07/2023 21:32

Bibbetybobbity · 10/07/2023 21:25

MNetters can be quite performative with this stuff ‘my 16 year old gets 2p and a button and is delighted with that even though we could afford to give them more’ and back in the real world kids get pocket money. Unless they never go out, they’re 100% cringing at not being able to afford the basics.

True but judging by some comments I’ve seen over the years on this site there are also MNers who seem to really resent their dc when they reach their teens and take great pleasure in teaching them miserable “life lessons”. Usually along the lines of tough shit, life’s hard and I didn’t have it easy so why should you… Hmm

Lancrelady80 · 10/07/2023 21:32

Haven't read full thread but re this:
I give them £18 each a week for lunches

My mum did the same with me - no pocket money but money for lunches (a lot less than that back in the day.)

I very quickly learned that the solution to having no money was to have minimal lunch and keep the change, which led to no lunch and keep the change. Which (with other factors) led to an eating disorder.

Your teen will find a way of getting money if it's important to them, whether it's my way, light fingers in a purse, county lines, whatever...just give them a fiver a week or something so you don't unintentionally push them into bad choices. I'm not accusing your teen of anything here, or bad mouthing their character. I know nothing about them, except by limiting positive ways of getting £, it's more likely they will be pushed into negative ones.

Wallywobbles · 10/07/2023 21:38

I've given them about €70 a month since they were about 12 with a debit card. All clothes, presents, cinema etc has to come out of that. 17 year old resells a lot on Vinted to make extra. Holiday job she's repainting and deep cleaning a holiday home with her boyfriend.

Cozzadelsol · 10/07/2023 21:42

My 14 year old son gets about £20 a week pocket money to socialise with his pals, go the cinema, bowling, climbing wall, etc. If he's a little shit and doesn't do his chores, homework, he gets sweet FA.

I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but I can afford this amount to give him to let him have fun and be a kid.

He's generally a very good boy, and I want him to enjoy his childhood.

XelaM · 10/07/2023 21:44

Stickybackplasticbear · 10/07/2023 20:05

This seems fair enough as you've given the younger one a way to earn pocket money. But I think you do need to understand that the younger one couldn't really earn his own money as he's too young for a job. There's a difficult period of a few years as a teen when they want to do stuff but can't have a job really. Also what did you do when the older one was that age? Did they get pocket money or money in exchange for household jobs?

14 is not too young to get a weekend job.

SingingNettles · 10/07/2023 21:45

Could he work as a chimney sweep, OP?

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