AIBU to find it sad that staring at our phones has become the default human activity?

[SpanadorFanador]

I just nipped out for an early lunch at the cafe across from my office. It’s a gorgeous spot with a big garden in full summer bloom and children’s play area. It was striking that the surrounding tables were full of people staring down at their phones in a way that wouldn’t have been normal even a couple of years ago. There was a lady watching a tv show with her phone propped up on a teapot. A mum with preschoolers playing on the equipment. A lady in a carers uniform, a couple, two females friends. All spent much more time looking down at their phones than looking at the beautiful gardens or interacting. In fact, the only phone free tables were an older couple and two late-teen girls. Those of my own age (45) seemed the most reliant/addicted. Similarly, at the theatre on Saturday night, the moment the interval started, most people whipped their phones out.

I am by no means a non-offender. Perhaps the reason I noticed it is that I’ve been trying really hard (and sometimes failing) to ignore my phone when I’m bored, stressed or need distracting, and to undo some of the damage I think my phone has done to my ability to pay attention and notice the world.

Since when did staring at our phones become socially acceptable, and even the norm in social situations? Is it just going to get more and more normal until it’s okay to scroll Insta in any situation? Is there any coming back for my generation? When I think of the interactions, interesting sights and moments of calm I’ve probably missed because I had my nose in my phone, it all feels quite sad.

YANBU. I am hopelessly addicted to my phone. I miss being able to zone out or just watch the world around me. I worry about lack of thinking space or time to properly relax my mind. My friend is even worse, she scrolls while talking to people. I need to somehow lock away my phone and work on resetting my brain.

100% am with you on this one

My too. I listened to Stolen Focus a month or so ago and it has really got me thinking.
I have started turning my phone off when the whole family is home. I’ve found that, while I am addicted, I’m not so addicted that I can be arsed to switch it on!

It is such an addiction!

I hope the teapot lady had headphones

YANBU

I tend to read it as I once would have read a book while eating. Main thing for me is that my attention span has shortened since the internet became a thing.

Would you feel the same if it was a book?

YANBU I absolutely hate it, and I’m completely addicted myself. My kids aren’t old enough for their own phones yet but I know I’m setting an awful example to them. Have tried setting limits/deleting apps etc but still have the default urge to look at my phone for escape/entertainment/habit

YANBU

My local primary school has had to resort to putting posters in the playground, actually asking parents to put their phones away and greet their kids as they come out.

I feel completely different when I’m reading a book rather than on my phone, it engages my brain in a very different way.

Pre phones, if I went out to the park at lunch time, I didn't sit there looking at people, I had a book or a newspaper or a magazine. Now, I might have my kindle, or I might have my phone and scroll through SM or look at a news website.

Many of the people around me would be doing the same, or perhaps dozing or chatting with friends or listening to music.

So I can't get that worked up about this. A phone is just another way to do these things that we were all doing before.

I DO worry sometimes that it's too easy for my children to watch short you tube videos than preservere with longer, more complex stories in actual books. But I don't blame the phones for that in itself and I've implemented rules to help them get better at, and therefore enjoy more, reading.

It depends.
If I'm in a cafe on my own then I'd read a book or read on my kindle or my Kindle app, or I might sort the shopping out or browse social media aimlessly. I'm not convinced I'm any better for reading a book Vs taking 10 minutes out my day to scroll crap.

If people have gone to a cafe with other people then I find the phones out thing rude.

YANBU.

We were out for dinner last week and there was a family at the next table. Parents and two mid 20s kids. Dad was watching football with his earphones in, the son was watching someone playing a video game on YouTube. Daughter was scrolling on I assume Instagram or TikTok. The mum was sitting looking bored out of her mind, nobody talking to each other. It was mind boggling to see.

It really depends on what's on the phone!

Before phones, I'd sit in cafes or on benches/walls etc., probably reading a book or newspaper, and glance around to look at wildlife, scenery, etc.

Now, I do the same, but read a book or read the news on a phone, still glancing around occasionally to look at wildlife, scenery, etc.

Not sure what the difference is really?

When I'm out with friends/family, we only occasionally look at our phones when they ping or when we want to look up something - we certainly don't just sit there in silence all doing our own things on our phones.

So I think it's more a personal issue really - some people are glued to them and can't do anything else other than obsess about social media, but I do think most people use them as a tool and do useful things with them, in between "normal" things like chatting etc.

I think there is a difference reading a book on a phone/ tablet than aimlessly scrolling which is what I do. My attention span is shocking now and I need to stop and read more books.

The other day I was remembering when I use to get up (before the kids) and have my morning cup of Tea and just sit there… no phone, no social media, no distractions whatsoever…

These days the first thing I reach for whilst drinking my tea is my phone!

I have been trying so hard to stop just the aimless scrolling. I have been putting my phone upstairs and having my apple watch on so if any urgent messages or phone calls come through I can see them, but I can not just scroll none stop. Also trying to read more as it is completely different than staring at a phone I find.

Yes

We must have got so much done

I feel the same way, although I'm as much an offender as anyone else. I try to make sure there's some time when I don't have my phone to hand to be 100% available to my child every day. I don't like the fact that I have to think about that and make plans to do it.

Last year, on holiday, I lost my charger so I didn't have my phone for the week. It was actually great and I managed just fine. Unfortunately, I learned no lessons and created no new habits when I got back.

I don't think many people randomly flick through a book, read a couple of pages, drop it down, then pick up another book and repeat the process.

Most people don't read on their phones. They doom scroll.

I've just started to get updates on my phone about how long I've been on various apps and online. That was a shock. 5 hours one day. It made me put my phone down and search for something else to do. I work and have a young family. I didnt know I had 5 spare hours. I would never scroll through my phone with company or sitting down to a meal with others. But I am addicted to it and my boredom threshold is much lower. I'm actively trying to use it less now.

So???
It has the exact same effect. It distracts you from the outside world
Is that not what the OP said
All spent much more time looking down at their phones than looking at the beautiful gardens or interacting.

@Lemoncurdslice I agree the brain engages differently. If anything you get more 'lost' in a book.

I don't do either, I like to watch the world pass by but just seem to think that phones get villainised while books get romaticised
magazines and papers have also always been used for something to do.

@SpanadorFanador

i just finished Stolen Focus (managed to read an actual book for once), it is unnerving. Some of the cleverest people on the planet dedicated to finding wants to keep our eyeballs on the screen for as long as possible so that the big tech companies can rake in the maximum advertising revenue. That’s it, there’s nothing noble about it.

but here I am back on my phone. It’s hot, I’m tired, I can pass the time looking at something semi interesting that doesn’t require any engagement - unlike a book or a person.

It's when people are walking along crowded streets totally oblivious that they're about to walk into someone because they're obsessed with their phone - that's what really annoys me. I spend a lot of time trying to avoid these zombies, sometimes I wonder why they even bother going out -they don't see anything.