AIBU to find it sad that staring at our phones has become the default human activity?

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I just nipped out for an early lunch at the cafe across from my office. It’s a gorgeous spot with a big garden in full summer bloom and children’s play area. It was striking that the surrounding tables were full of people staring down at their phones in a way that wouldn’t have been normal even a couple of years ago. There was a lady watching a tv show with her phone propped up on a teapot. A mum with preschoolers playing on the equipment. A lady in a carers uniform, a couple, two females friends. All spent much more time looking down at their phones than looking at the beautiful gardens or interacting. In fact, the only phone free tables were an older couple and two late-teen girls. Those of my own age (45) seemed the most reliant/addicted. Similarly, at the theatre on Saturday night, the moment the interval started, most people whipped their phones out.

I am by no means a non-offender. Perhaps the reason I noticed it is that I’ve been trying really hard (and sometimes failing) to ignore my phone when I’m bored, stressed or need distracting, and to undo some of the damage I think my phone has done to my ability to pay attention and notice the world.

Since when did staring at our phones become socially acceptable, and even the norm in social situations? Is it just going to get more and more normal until it’s okay to scroll Insta in any situation? Is there any coming back for my generation? When I think of the interactions, interesting sights and moments of calm I’ve probably missed because I had my nose in my phone, it all feels quite sad.

I use it to escape. I know I do. When I'm overwhelmed, when I'm tired and need to do dull things like cooking, or when I'm just trying to keep going until I can crash I scroll my phone. I know I'm addicted. I don't know how to cope without it. I used to read books for the same reason, but I'm too tired to even read these days.

Yes it's dreadful. I'm getting worse and worse for it.

Does anyone know how to limit time on certain websites using Android? I can limit my use of Chrome but sometimes I get drawn into particular websites and I'm driving myself nuts.

I've never been addicted to anything in my life but I hold my hands up and admit I struggle with my phone at the moment

I'm job hunting too and as it's all online - I rarely put my phone down. Trying to only look for jobs between 9am - Midday is not working but I am trying! I could do with limiting the job hunting websites to 3 hours a day.

I have spent so much time watching informative videos on YouTube on various crafts, hobbies and travel items I never have the time to do any of them.

Those comparing books and phones have no concept of the addictive quality of phones. There is absolutely no comparison - it’s utterly disingenuous to suggest one.

As a disabled person with limited pocket and bag / carrying things ability, being able to condense my banking, comms, reading books, newspapers, magazines, music and entertainment and so on into just my phone, kindle and ipod means life is much easier and more accessible for me. Reasonable adjustments made through modern technology.

I know several people who use reading apps on their phones and whose music is also on their phones, so they don't even need the kindle and ipod.

It's no different to sitting at the park reading a newspaper or magazine.

My child writes creative fiction stories on his. He also draws and designs comics on there.

Before having a phone, he carted loads of pens and pads and other equipment everywhere which was a struggle.

He uses those at home or if we are going to specific places but otherwise he can use his phone.

It's sad if people ignore each other to use their devices, but it's otherwise a wonderful way to manage hobbies and admin.

I don't do this, but then I have had a mobile 'phone since 1996, way before smart 'phones, so my 'phone is just that. A telephone. A means for people to get hold of me or for me to get hold of them.
However, I do agree with the OP and not just in an outdoor seated way, the number of times I have to take evasive action when walking around town, because people are engrossed in their 'phones, beggars belief.

This is sad 😔

This is awful! Thankfully I'm not that bad ☹️

Also, total bollocks. A local school has a similar sign. I don't get it. Yes, parents might well stand around on their phones while waiting for their DC to com outside, but I've never seen them still standing with their phones while the DC are being handed over.

Ditto the accusations of "doom scrolling". What even is that? My sister reads on her kindle app a lot. I think she's crazy because it can't be good for her eyes, but she barely uses social media so when she's on her phone she's reading or checking her email because she has a very busy, high profile job and checking her email for urgent items is one of the things that allows her to slip out and do the school run rather than delegating it to someone else. Or she's responding to the 50000 WhatsApp messages that a busy woman, with an active social life, three kids (at two schools) needs to do.

Back in the 1980's I remember lunchtime at work we would sit in the staff room munching on our sandwiches whilst generally chatting as a group. Now I sit in a staff room amongst my colleagues during my break, in silence as we all stare at our mobiles, I miss the old days.

Yes this, it is sad there's no doubt about it

Yes.

I Can't move from room to room without mine.

I absolutely love it. However... I work in education and the amount of dc all on phones during lessons is frighting.

They are technically not allowed them but they are too lazy to take them Off them or enforce strict measures if they use them.

So..they use them.

We need to give our dc a space without phones.

Yes I'm more the happy for them to have them for the journey but really we need phones absolutely banned from first register to when they leave.

It was a brilliant book! I really enjoyed it - scary though!
Our phones are designed to be addictive!

I was once out for lunch with a friend, mid-way through lunch she whips her phone out and started watching cat videos on YouTube. WTF!

I get this. It is my default when I'm stressed and overwhelmed too. My escape. That's OK though, I've decided. But on the back of this thread I've just set myself a screen time limit of 2 hours for random scrolling. It's a start. With the dull task of cooking, I've set up an old school radio in the kitchen and listening to a radio show or music I haven't chosen takes my mind off the monotonous task of preparing dinner. The garden is my next weapon against screen addiction. Wish me luck!

Not at all unreasonable. We are losing our humanity. It's tragic.

I am considering getting a dumb phone, but sadly I have banking apps etc that are really useful. It would take a huge effort to do it, but I am sure it would benefit my brain and attention span.

im completely addicted to my phone. I hate it but I can’t stop. I never have the opportunity to think anymore and I think it’s really damaging. I think we used to spend a lot of time just thinking but now I’m either in the middle of something or in my phone. If I have to do a task that isn’t 100 percent engaging I will just look at my phone instead. It’s probably ruined my life.

i would like to get rid of my smart phone and go back to a basic phone but my whole life is on here including 13 years of photos, I need to use sm for work and it’s the only way I keep in touch with friends and family, so I don’t see how I can just get rid of it.

I'm 42 this year and think often about the things I've seen, as in the switch from literally no internet to everyone using it every second of every day, including myself.

It makes me sad that I would walk around reading a book on the go while I was working (walking between jobs) or in a bar waiting to be served I'd have a book, I loved reading.

Now I do the same but with a phone. I even bought myself some books to get myself back into it but the pull to go to Instagram and watch reels that change every swipe and often contain interesting content was too strong for me.
I'm trying to slowly detox from technology which is difficult as I use it daily and have done for work for decades. I'm trying to go out without my phone for instance, only when I'm with my daughter though, which some even tell me is irresponsible but I dislike the way now we set at a default of being available wherever we may be. It never got put into law that we all had to have a smartphone but it's become something we cannot live without.

My phone broke yesterday (temporarily thank goodness) and I realised how would I now speak to work? Speak to my ex (court ordered parenting app) pick up work when out and about. How would I get places without the map? I used to carry around an A-Z.

I would flick a switch to go back if I could because I find it all quite scary, but at the same time I love technology, I love the internet, I love ChatGPT and forums and chilling with reels. But I don’t feel it's a “good” thing, but I realise it is inevitable progress, and we are far from done. The rate technology is advancing at means it will take over human society completely within our lifetimes.

I looked up from my phone on the train the other day and saw I'd been missing the most gorgeous sunset over the hills.

I wondered what else I've missed.

People on phones instead of magazines, newspapers, books etc while sitting down in a park or coffee shop, that's fine. The phone has replaced the type of reading format.

People on phones whilst driving or even walking and crossing the road, not fine. I would feel the same if it was a book. You need to be aware of your surroundings.

It depends on the context.

I agree 100% and I say this as someone who's addicted to my phone!

I think it goes hand in hand with people's tolerance for boredom.

In the past, afternoon boredom was the norm for many kids. You'd come back home from school and often you'd roll around doing nothing if none of your friends were free. Even with friends, I remember us sitting in a park being bored out of our minds because there was nothing to do but we accepted that that was just how it was.

Parents these days, on the other hand, seem to feel like kids have to always be doing something. There are kids and teens who have more on their plate than I do and idling/sleeping in till the afternoon on weekends is frowned upon. It's no wonder people are always looking for something to busy themselves with, and scrolling through their phone whenever there's downtime just so happens to be one way for that.

Not unreasonable at all. I particularly found it sad for example when my son was a toddler and at soft play, I used to thoroughly enjoy watching him have fun and also watch how he interacted with other children, there were some really cute interactions that I'm glad I didn't miss, not to mention how quickly your little one could get into trouble or have an accident. Most of the other parents around me were looking into their phones instead while the poor children tried to get their attention, for example "look at me mummy I managed to climb the slide by myself, or watch me mummy! Most of the time the parent wouldn't hear them and you'd see the poor kid look disappointed that their achievement got missed and not acknowledged. I miss the days of watching my small boy playing and having fun, he's now a tween and not so keen to be watched haha 😆

I agree. I find it particularly sad when I see parents walking along pushing a pram, or with a young child in a cafe, and they are just scrolling through their phone and not interacting with their child.

But....I have found myself doing the same thing when my children want to talk to me (luckily they are old enough to pull me up on it). And for me, the site that I found such an irresistible distraction from my children was Mumsnet, ironically (and not just from my children, but also from my work; beautiful surroundings when walking my dog; housework...and dealing with difficult or uncomfortable feelings...I distracted myself away from boredom, worry, self-doubt - which was sometimes helpful, but also led to problems left untended).

I asked my husband to install a site blocker on my phone, just for Mumsnet. I asked him to do it for me so that it would be more difficult for me to work out how to uninstall it. I still have access to news, email, whatsapp, camera, facebook etc on my phone, because they don't draw me in like Mumsnet does. I can still access Mumsnet from our family computer (as I am right now), but because I share it with everybody else in the family and I don't carry the PC around with me, there are fewer opportunities to do so. I go on about twice a day now, instead of every time I boiled the kettle or was waiting for the kids to put their shoes on, etc. It's helped a lot!

I think you can get the site blocker to block any site you want, and the one we use is free (in a basic form).

Would this be a solution for some people?

Really? You've never seen a parent on their phone when their child comes out of school / is handed over to them? It happens a lot.

People are on their phones a lot. It is sad to see it sometimes like in a restaurant, a family of 4, all on their mobiles. Why not talk to each other?