AIBU to find it sad that staring at our phones has become the default human activity?

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I just nipped out for an early lunch at the cafe across from my office. It’s a gorgeous spot with a big garden in full summer bloom and children’s play area. It was striking that the surrounding tables were full of people staring down at their phones in a way that wouldn’t have been normal even a couple of years ago. There was a lady watching a tv show with her phone propped up on a teapot. A mum with preschoolers playing on the equipment. A lady in a carers uniform, a couple, two females friends. All spent much more time looking down at their phones than looking at the beautiful gardens or interacting. In fact, the only phone free tables were an older couple and two late-teen girls. Those of my own age (45) seemed the most reliant/addicted. Similarly, at the theatre on Saturday night, the moment the interval started, most people whipped their phones out.

I am by no means a non-offender. Perhaps the reason I noticed it is that I’ve been trying really hard (and sometimes failing) to ignore my phone when I’m bored, stressed or need distracting, and to undo some of the damage I think my phone has done to my ability to pay attention and notice the world.

Since when did staring at our phones become socially acceptable, and even the norm in social situations? Is it just going to get more and more normal until it’s okay to scroll Insta in any situation? Is there any coming back for my generation? When I think of the interactions, interesting sights and moments of calm I’ve probably missed because I had my nose in my phone, it all feels quite sad.

But then why not use robots especially if they are better at x tasks

Master and slave to paper, how are books on paper different than screens ect.

I look at MN, BBC, TIK TOK and check messages on my I pad and phone on waking for an hour as I wake up while drinking tea, DH and I are not morning people and it has always been thus. I then look at my i pad and again messages in the late evening. So I look twice a day at my I pad and only answer my phone if it rings.

@Hawkins0001

It will lead to a lot of unnecessary humans

TBH, I miss a lot with my nose in a book too! Including more than one bus.

But then humanity needs to spread to the star's and begin conquering the galaxies

I sort of agree. I justify it to myself in that I have my newspaper and kindle on my phone and no one would have been negative about someone reading the paper or a book, but to be honest a lot of the time I am on MN/WhatsApp/social media too.

Because a book is just a book. It doesn't analyse how long you spend on each page/sentence/word, or which other books you like to read, or what other people in your demographic like to read/buy/consume, and then use that information to tailor what you're reading, to keep engaged for longer and/or buy more stuff. Which is what a vast amount of the apps/sites we use are doing all the time.

I love my phone for so many things, but it has definitely messed with my brain.

If you might be interested in how tech companies have contributed to this then watch this programme from 2018: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt8669136/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk

Basically ctos 2.0 type system.

Whereas OP stares at the people staring at their phones and judging them, which is obviously a much more worthwhile way to pass time. 😅

Have you read the OP's OP?

What I find particularly awful is people out walking with their babies/children, or even their dog, and totally ignoring them while they stare at their phone.

Have you read the OP's OP?

Yep. The one where she’s saying she’s done the same but is now trying to change because, unlike others, she’s so much better, and has realised the error of her ways. She’s now staring at others staring at their phone. And writing about it on mumsnet, probably using her phone. She’s a changed woman, I tell you. 😂

Lots of people text each other about the people around them.

DD and I text each other stuff that we don't want strangers to overhear

Like passing notes in class? 😂

Smartphones are very addictive, but using one to the exclusion of all else is still a conscious decision at the end of the day. All the people saying "I'm hopelessly addicted and I can't stop" like it's some kind of excuse; you absolutely can stop - you just don't want to.

I use my phone a fair bit (it's telling me I have an average of 3 hours screen time a day) to pass time when waiting for other things to happen, but I always try to do productive things with it like read books/journals/articles, learn a language on Duolingo or watch educational YouTube videos rather than just spending time doom scrolling through banal shit on social media. Their algorithms are designed solely to keep you scrolling and scrolling and scrolling - breaking the cycle is something you have to make a real effort to do.

I remember in 2011-2013 sitting in a low wall cube farm at work - about 8 of us sat there and there was one woman who had to walk past us to get from her work space in another area to the restroom near us. She always had her head looking down at her phone walking back and forth and it was so weird to see. She never looked up. It was not normal then.

We talked about it, trying to figure out her motive. Can she not walk to the restroom without looking at her phone? Is she insecure walking to the restroom? Does she get motion sickness reading words while walking? Is she not allowed to look at her phone at her desk and this is her only chance? Is she trying to avoid being forced into a random conversation?

We were genuinely confused at what she was doing. Laughable now, of course.

Thanks everyone who has replied. It’s so interesting to hear of others with similar issues (and different views, are interesting too).

Like others, I’ve found my phone use is linked to my mood. When I’m anxious or feel out of control, the phone is a little world I’m master of (except I’m not of course, so it hardly helps).

As well as being a moderately phone addicted woman, I’m also a practising psychologist. I also have a masters in cognitive neuroscience ( pre smart phone, I wonder if they are on the curriculum now?) I have the same qualification as the tricksters in Palo Alto that work on keeping us hooked. I know more than most about the attentional, emotional and social mechanisms at work, and yet I still get sucked in!

A couple of times (not many, I hope) I’ve caught myself thinking ‘this is actually probably quite rude’ or ‘this isn’t a great example to set my kids’ and kept on scrolling (until my prefrontal cortex catches up with what’s going on!) That’s just the worst feeling.

I, thank God, never got into Twitter or Insta. Several friends are already well into Threads, which I also plan to dodge.

One tip a friend gave me that has really helped us just to turn off my data roaming when our and about. As I say, I’m addicted, but not so addicted that I go to the effort of turning it back on unless I need it. That just catches me before I start mindless scrolling. And people can still call in an emergency.

I’ve joked to DH that, one day, we’ll be going into a restaurant and conduct the whole conversation with the waiter on our phones.

Today, even. What conversation? In my local, you order and pay by QR code and bank card.
Bring back human interaction!

I hate that in restaurants and avoid those that have that system. It seems it came with covid to avoid contact but stayed in some places. Sometimes I like to ask questions about the food, or ask for tweaks. How will they know how I like my steak done?

Actually I prefer to order by app in restaurants. I like seeing the various different options and alternatives, such as swapping one side for another, etc. They're usually more options/flexibility than paper menus. And I can sit and order straight away instead of having to try to catch a waiter/ress passing by. When it comes to options, I far prefer having time to think rather than have the waiter/ress quickly saying a list, me having to ask them to repeat, then them stood sighing whilst trying to make up my mind.

In some restaurants with decent ordering systems, you can virtually make up your own meal by picking different mains/sides/sauces etc through the options, and those that do steaks/grills etc often have the option for you to enter how you want them cooked.

I also have hearing impairment which means I have to constant ask them repeat what they're saying, especially in noisy environments like a busy restaurant, so without an app, I'd be more likely just to select a menu option and not tailor it at all, just to avoid the time/embarrassment of constantly asking them to repeat themselves going through lists of options, etc.

Given the option, I'll order online any day!

There is a 12 step fellowship for screen addiction if anyone is struggling. (Free and totally run by volunteers)

https://internetaddictsanonymous.org/

YANBU. I was addicted and ignoring my children.

I have got rid of mine, I have a very basic one for texts and calls (and there's practically no signal in my village, even better).

Noticed when I took DC to their swimming lesson last week - 80% of the parents in the viewing gallery were looking at their phones instead of their children.

This generation of kids are having a very different experience than mine did. Awful.