AIBU to find it sad that staring at our phones has become the default human activity?

[SpanadorFanador]

I just nipped out for an early lunch at the cafe across from my office. It’s a gorgeous spot with a big garden in full summer bloom and children’s play area. It was striking that the surrounding tables were full of people staring down at their phones in a way that wouldn’t have been normal even a couple of years ago. There was a lady watching a tv show with her phone propped up on a teapot. A mum with preschoolers playing on the equipment. A lady in a carers uniform, a couple, two females friends. All spent much more time looking down at their phones than looking at the beautiful gardens or interacting. In fact, the only phone free tables were an older couple and two late-teen girls. Those of my own age (45) seemed the most reliant/addicted. Similarly, at the theatre on Saturday night, the moment the interval started, most people whipped their phones out.

I am by no means a non-offender. Perhaps the reason I noticed it is that I’ve been trying really hard (and sometimes failing) to ignore my phone when I’m bored, stressed or need distracting, and to undo some of the damage I think my phone has done to my ability to pay attention and notice the world.

Since when did staring at our phones become socially acceptable, and even the norm in social situations? Is it just going to get more and more normal until it’s okay to scroll Insta in any situation? Is there any coming back for my generation? When I think of the interactions, interesting sights and moments of calm I’ve probably missed because I had my nose in my phone, it all feels quite sad.

YANBU to be unhappy with your own phone use if you feel it's becoming a problem for you and making you miserable, or if phone use in your household in general is affecting your family life.

But YABU to be judging other people for using their phones in whatever way they choose. I think there's a tendency to sneer about 'mindless scrolling' and so on, and I do get that - but remember that a phone fulfils a lot of functions that nobody would have a problem with if it wasn't a phone that was performing them.

For example, if you were on holiday and you saw someone sitting at a cafe table writing a postcard to their parents, you wouldn't think that was a problem. But the same person sitting at the same table sending a WhatsApp message and a holiday photo to the family WhatsApp is looked upon as some sort of mindless tech addict 'staring at a phone' and 'not living in the moment'. If someone reads a newspaper or a book while their kids are at the playground, that's them having a moment of respite. But if they're reading the same newspaper online with their subscription, or reading a book via the Kindle app, they're accused of gawping at a phone instead of engaging with their kids. There are loads of other examples.

So while I do absolutely get what you're saying, and for some people, phone use probably is wrecking their lives, I think it's worth remembering that most people are honestly just using their phones to do the same things that they did without them really.

Best thing about my workplace is that phones are prohibited!

You are searched daily in case you forget.

People can interact properly, it's nice!

I'm sure my mum would take a book to read as did I or chat to other parents

Nice to have a break

I've knackered my neck and thumbs from phone scrolling. Its costing me a fortune in chiropractor sessions to try and fix my neck and shoulder pain.

But they're not the same. With a book you're engaging actively, reading, inferring stuff, imagining the characters, focusing on one thing for a long period of time. With a phone you're scrolling mindlessly...

Thing is, I'd rather look at my phone than engage in small talk with strangers.

Dont disagree with the principal.though.