AIBU to find it sad that staring at our phones has become the default human activity?

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I just nipped out for an early lunch at the cafe across from my office. It’s a gorgeous spot with a big garden in full summer bloom and children’s play area. It was striking that the surrounding tables were full of people staring down at their phones in a way that wouldn’t have been normal even a couple of years ago. There was a lady watching a tv show with her phone propped up on a teapot. A mum with preschoolers playing on the equipment. A lady in a carers uniform, a couple, two females friends. All spent much more time looking down at their phones than looking at the beautiful gardens or interacting. In fact, the only phone free tables were an older couple and two late-teen girls. Those of my own age (45) seemed the most reliant/addicted. Similarly, at the theatre on Saturday night, the moment the interval started, most people whipped their phones out.

I am by no means a non-offender. Perhaps the reason I noticed it is that I’ve been trying really hard (and sometimes failing) to ignore my phone when I’m bored, stressed or need distracting, and to undo some of the damage I think my phone has done to my ability to pay attention and notice the world.

Since when did staring at our phones become socially acceptable, and even the norm in social situations? Is it just going to get more and more normal until it’s okay to scroll Insta in any situation? Is there any coming back for my generation? When I think of the interactions, interesting sights and moments of calm I’ve probably missed because I had my nose in my phone, it all feels quite sad.

What does everyone get up to on their phones? I'll be honest that I use it a lot but only when i've got nothing better to do.

Desperately job hunting 😭

I tend to use my iPad more but same issues

Good luck to you!

I think it's desperately sad and I hate myself for doing it.

I do however have a no screens at the dining table or in the bedrooms rule, which definitely helps.

I read The Times on my phone. Would it be bizarrely 'better' if I was to whip out a physical copy of the newspaper?

Covid made this much worse for me, it felt like the only link to the outside world

You’ll be even more hooked on your phone checking for updates on this MN thread now OP.

In the 90s/noughties I had an awful magazine addiction, spent thousands on them I reckon. If I was anywhere by myself I'd most likely be reading a magazine, so I don't see scrolling on my phone as being much different (other than saving me a shitload of money!)

I used to sometimes go to a cafe and read the Daily Mail. That’s how bad it used to be before phones.

I'm so bored of threads like this now, they seem to be popping up over and over and they're always written in a similar romanticised style; 'garden in full bloom' 'whipped their phones out' etc etc

I'm a normal adult woman who can interact perfectly find when I need to. I also have to keep up with news, emails, WhatsApps, Teams etc because I have a job and friends and interests. I'm learning a language with an app. I order my shopping online which I can do in a 'garden in full bloom' instead of under harsh strip lights in a supermarket. I book GP and dentist and vet appointments via websites, and I plan and book holidays with apps. I could go on. All of this contributes to my happy and healthy life.

Maybe, rather than being so bored looking at the garden because you're so superior to those on their phones, you could mind your own business?

Nothing says phone addiction like defensive posts about phone addictions.

DH and me have just spent a couple of days in a beautiful village in North Yorkshire. We were sat having lunch in a lovely pub garden complete with containers overflowing with summer bedding, a family of ducks from the nearby stream were wandering about and it was idyllic. My DH said " Would you believe everyone around us are sat looking at their phones"?

Didn't surprise me.

OP YANBU. I hit 50 this year and remember managing perfectly fine without smart phones. I wish we could go back, but of course, this particular genie is never going back in the bottle. I have a definite addiction, as do my family. I hate it. We have phone-free tables and that's pretty much it. Also kids have to hand in phones before bed. My excuse is that my DS has his blood glucose on his phone which feeds to mine, so I obsessively check that, which is not healthy either. Yuck. Any suggestions for family detoxing?!

So true.

But it’s not a book. It can be a book but it has an insidious element inherent in it that books don’t have. A master and slave dynamic. People are slaves to screens.

Gosh this is very sad 😞

I agree. Another important difference is that some people are glued to their phones while they’re walking. Not many people used to do that with books. Add headphones to that and you have someone who is not present, they’re somewhere else. I hate to see people doing this while they’re walking the dog because their attention is not on the dog at all. I also think it’s sad when parents are constantly checking their phone while they’re feeding or bathing young children. Again, they are not there and their attention isn’t on the child.

I’ve noticed that my teenagers and their friends are much less observant and aware of their surroundings than I am. They miss a lot of interesting things because they’re walking around in Phone Land. It isn’t that they’re not interested- they are genuinely fascinated when these things are pointed out to them- they just can’t spot things themselves. Also they are terrible at navigating using signposts and cues in the surroundings. They just blindly follow Google Maps.

Its a good crutch for passing the time, particularly when you are by yourself.

Before phones - I spent that time smoking cigarettes. Phones are better.

its when you pay £££ for tickets at a show or concert and literally everyone is on their phones. Went to see Donny Osmond in a panto at the palladium and people were specifically told no filming. Oh no, some woman felt the need to film it in front of us. Went to see a band and again told no filming which a fella thought he was above the rules. Band stopped and called him out on it !

I agree with you fully, and I am guilty of being on my phone FAR too much. No judgement of others from me, I'm absolutely the same. I have been making an effort to put the phone away. I read a lot so that helps. I also make a rule and stick to it that on holiday I don't use my phone beyond checking it once in the morning and once in the evening for any emergencies at home. It then goes in the safe. One image that really stuck with me was the Maxi Jazz Insomnia tribute played by Michael Bibi at Printworks. Watching a clip all you could see was phone screens being held up. A sea of screens. Nobody living in the moment. Nobody just enjoying the time. That made me want to put my phone down.

my ADHD brain loves a smartphone, I can spend hours scrolling on how to clean more, be organised all that great stuff… and then my rational brain is like WTF in the 6 hours!!!! a day you spend trying to obtain this perfect organised lifestyle by reading about it on your phone, your house would be immaculate and u could read that book, exercise and cook and do an epic job at work.

… I love and detest my phone in equal measure…

Given that almost every aspect of life - work, kids homework and activities, tickets, banking, news, shopping, paying bills, train tickets, bus times, holidays etc is all online or via an app it is very difficult not to be on your phone a lot of the time even without any social media.

Very true - but there's a time and a place. Not always easy but surely we should be prioritising time / attention with our children.
There can be rules like no phones at meal times etc.

None of that previously took place at a restaurant table however.

Now it does. Why?