AIBU to find it sad that staring at our phones has become the default human activity?

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I just nipped out for an early lunch at the cafe across from my office. It’s a gorgeous spot with a big garden in full summer bloom and children’s play area. It was striking that the surrounding tables were full of people staring down at their phones in a way that wouldn’t have been normal even a couple of years ago. There was a lady watching a tv show with her phone propped up on a teapot. A mum with preschoolers playing on the equipment. A lady in a carers uniform, a couple, two females friends. All spent much more time looking down at their phones than looking at the beautiful gardens or interacting. In fact, the only phone free tables were an older couple and two late-teen girls. Those of my own age (45) seemed the most reliant/addicted. Similarly, at the theatre on Saturday night, the moment the interval started, most people whipped their phones out.

I am by no means a non-offender. Perhaps the reason I noticed it is that I’ve been trying really hard (and sometimes failing) to ignore my phone when I’m bored, stressed or need distracting, and to undo some of the damage I think my phone has done to my ability to pay attention and notice the world.

Since when did staring at our phones become socially acceptable, and even the norm in social situations? Is it just going to get more and more normal until it’s okay to scroll Insta in any situation? Is there any coming back for my generation? When I think of the interactions, interesting sights and moments of calm I’ve probably missed because I had my nose in my phone, it all feels quite sad.

I hate this. I went to a pub quiz last week with 4 friends. During the break they all instantly reached for their phones and just looked down, not speaking. I started a conversation, got some vague answers and they went back to their phones. L So I gave up and I went to the bar ☹️

Looking around, most tables were similar. It’s so sad to see

YANBU - that film WALL-E in 2008 was scarily accurate about what looked fe would be like and it feels like we’re half way there:

1. rampant consumerism corporate greed, and environmental neglect has caused Earth to become uninhabitable

2. Earth over populated by humans

3. Humans addicted to screens

4. Humans increasingly obese

5. Robots providing endless loop of pleasurable living and doing everything for humans so they are incapable of critical thinking

Yes I hate it when people ignore the rules on this

Stolen Focus is a great book.

My social media use plummeted with the growth of Instagram & TikTok. I don't live my life in photos or tiny videos, and realised my screen addiction is to text. I like discussions, news and analysis, fiction - all things I used to consume on paper or engage in by talking.

It's the reason I came back to MN, actually! So many people left Facebook or disappeared into groups & messaging, and Twitter got ridiculously segmented. I prefer the 'random pub conversations' aspect of boards like this - and Reddit, once you find your subs.

I'd like to think it's an indication that forums might make a comeback. I suspect it's more of an age thing, though. People under 35-ish seem to be predominantly visual, having been trained by the algorithms you mention. I do worry about the effects on critical thinking (or any thinking) and communication skills, and suspect it may be blunting people's sensory capacities. It's pretty sad, imo.

It may be the way humans have always been heading, though: striving to live at one further remove from the tangible world. I mean, I'd hate to have to fetch my water from the river and cut my own peat for the fire I would have to build. There were, and still are, people who say total DIY is the only way to truly live. Reading a magazine in the park, whether on paper or a screen, would look to them like a refusal to face reality.

As younger humans filter all their experience through digital imaging, tweaking it with enhancements, changing it with AI fakery and adding to it with augmentations, they're probably just taking the next step. I'm okay with being left behind in my 'distracted but not removed' state, tbh.

Books and magazines are different coz you wouldn’t normally read a book while in the pub with friends. Or during a family meal. Or while exercising.

I find it really fascinating. Human behaviour has changed massively. I'm sure our brains are changing too as a result, we certainly have shorter attention spans.

90% of the time I don't notice it because I'm looking at my phone. 10% of the time when I look up I think it's kind of sad, but then I just get back to Insta/ Facebook/ whatever I was doing!

@TrustPenguins @DataNotLore I agree just saying that it is incredibly difficult to be phone free when you're whole life is dictated by that tiny screen. I find it sad that couples and families are all on screens in restaurants and cafes, kids must be missing out on so much by not having the same interaction with their parents and the world around them.

@GarlicGrace That is pretty condescending towards younger people. I know loads of people under 35 who are extremely bright and switched on, perfectly capable of critical thinking and excellent communicators.

I also know lots of older people who are the complete opposite.

You sound a bit snobbish to be honest, like you feel you are somehow superior because you like discussion and analysis. That's not an age thing. It's a personality thing.

Your not you're

That is so sad. I was on the train today with a woman holding a little baby. She was on her phone 95% of the time and didn't look at her baby directly for most of the journey (2 and a half hours). Everyone on the carriage was staring at phones (including me) and this baby was watching us all. This will be her world. I regularly use to take my babies pre smart phones on the same journey and people would peekaboo them, smile, talk to them etc (not everyone but lots). It's quite scary.

YANBU at all! I’m terrible since lockdown and curse myself about it as I was so much more restrained prior. I now leave my phone in a different room so I’m not tempted when with the kids, that’s how often I reach for it when it’s next to me.

An example for me, I love the woods, so I'll use the phone for some nature photography, then I'll see where I can sit eg bench or tree logs etc, then I'll catch up on any articles while enjoying nature, if I don't have the phone then it's a DSLR camera for photos and a book instead.

Similar when I'm at a cafe, I'll order then it's read a book, do paperwork or use Wi-Fi and mumsnet etc

You sound a bit snobbish to be honest, like you feel you are somehow superior because you like discussion and analysis.

That's what you got from my post, @snufkinhat ? It wasn't even long-form text. Granted, though, it was a bit longer than the average Instagram caption so perhaps you lost focus before the end.

I know higher screen usage for me is directly linked to my mood- when I’m down/struggling/lacking motivation I spend way more time on MN/insta etc. It’s a vicious circle then as too much screen time makes me feel guilty/worse about myself. I don’t know the answer other than better self control!

I think it’s sad. I was on the train recently and a group of 4 young people got on and sat on a 4 table together. As soon as they were settled they got their phones out and stared at them for the entire journey without speaking to each other unless it was to quickly show each other something on their phone. There was a young couple on the same train and they had ear phones plugged into their phones and ignored each other apart from holding hands for the entire same journey. I’m a people-watcher 😂

I'm watching Wimbledon, a great game but so many of the crowd are using their phones!

It's my biggest source of annoyance with DH, my two teens and now my oldest DS.
I'm not innocent of it but I can go hours without looking at my phone. The rest of my family can't go 10 bloody minutes!
Every Sunday I leave my phone upstairs for the whole day. I check in in the morning for 5 mins and before bed and that's it, the rest of the day I don't look at it. It's liberating and nothing untoward has ever happened as a result.

It is not the same. A book takes concentration for the whole time you are reading. Scrolling through tik tok etc shortens people attention span, ask teachers. Even when not on the phone but having it nearby makes people concentrate less as they can't resist picking it up to check it even when they are having a conversation with someone beside them.

Yanbu and tbh I try to not be on my phone in the evening but then my H and older dc are sat on theirs so I sit there like a spare part

It's sad

Are you me? I have been saying this about WALL-E for years, it is scarily becoming reality!

"But it’s not a book. It can be a book but it has an insidious element inherent in it that books don’t have. A master and slave dynamic. People are slaves to screens."

This is utter nonsense - master and slave dynamic, my arse!

Oh I totally agree about Wall-E

We have cars instead of floating chairs tho

I go out for coffee every morning and spend 30 minutes checking and answering work emails then reading the news - if I have time I’ll come on here
if I’m in a cafe with someone else including DP, DC or friends or colleagues we talk to each other with phones away unless someone is waiting for a message or an update about something
I will only get my phone to check up on something eg last weekend DP and I were talking about car prices and we both went on auto trader to do research then compared and carried on chatting
when I am on my own I spend too much time on phone but it’s a mixture of YouTube, games, MN, online news and chatting to friends by text of what’s app or Instagram

I think I probably am addicted but am
not on any social media apart from MN and LinkedIn for work. However I do use my phone to do crosswords and read the news etc. so I probably look like one of those people. I occasionally buy a newspaper to do the same thing which somehow seems more acceptable.