To feel lazy relaxing at home when DH is here working?

[Listerntome]

Does anyone else feel like this?

I want to be watching box sets, napping and reading books … but I can hear DH working and it makes me feel I should be working myself.

I know it is probably stupid, but just wondering if I’m alone.

YABU - no I never feel like this.

YANBU - me too!

Does dh have a problem with you not working when he is?
i think it depends on what is acceptable for the couple/household.

I work 2 days per week term time and my dh works full time.
I have 3dcs all at school but if I worked more hours then we would have to pay after school clubs and holiday clubs.

My dh is fine with this arrangement even though sometimes I meet up with friends for lunch, go shopping, watch tv etc while the kids are at school and he's working.

It's not unusual for people to work part time or not at all.

I tend to get up much earlier than my DW, so will often get my share of house tasks done either before she's up or when she's in the bath or out on a walk. Later on, I'll be feet up watching tele while she's getting on with her share. Logically I know this is fine, but I still get a twinge of guilt that I should be doing something - I think it's due to a less than fair childhood.

Also, due to age I'll retire a few years before my DW, I'll therefore be doing all the house/garden jobs etc, so she'll have nothing to do other than her job, but I know I'll still feel a little guilty, cos all the housework in the world won't equal a full-time job, both in hours or effort.

However, at the end of the day what matters is are you both content with the situation, and appreciate what each of you brings to the relationship, things aren't always going to be equal, e.g. one may retire earlier, or have nothing to do when someone else is busy, but as long as generally everything's fair and there's no bad feeling I think it's important to value and protect rest and downtime as much as work and productivity.

Interesting discussion.
I do think for me it comes down to money. I’m the main breadwinner in our family, but I’m self-employed and work considerably fewer hours than my 9-5 partner. On days I’m not working I feel no guilt whatsoever about doing nothing, as long as the kitchen is tidy and any laundry is kept on top of. I would quite happily spend hours on the sofa watching box sets. Having said that, if my partner is working from home that day, I try to be discreet about how little I’m doing!

My partner works from home. I gave up work when we had children, they’re teens now and I’ve not gone back to work.

I never feel guilty, my partner would hate me to feel that way. We often go out for lunch or take the dogs out between his work/meetings. I have friends round, exercise, watch tv, do whatever, he doesn’t care. It works well for us.

If I was at home and no working on a weekday, it would either be because I am sick (and properly sick - I usually power through most things) or on annual leave.

If I was on annual leave and DH was wfh, I would probably not go sewing as that's loud. But I would have no qualms lounging, watching tv, baking, tidying, sun bathing, doing DIY (downstairs -sewing machine is upstairs), etc. As in, whatever I damned well pleased.

I work very very hard. (And so does DH). We are both usually found working on our computers at various points late into the night and over weekends, as well as long days.

I never take my full allotted time off - I have almost 60 days to use this year as a result.

So if I actually made the effort to have it off, I have no problem with doing something that revolves entirely about me relaxing and unwinding and enjoying myself.

For me, it's not the money as I enjoy what I do and I can see the wider benefit to society of what I do. So that's why I go out to work.

But I have no problem enjoying the time off I take because it is very well earned.

And as DH is a bit older than me, and wants to retire somewhat early, I am likely to work while he no longer does for at least 2-3 years and possibly as much as 10 years.

We may have discussions and make different decisions as it comes closer and the full reality of where we are by then and what retirement looks like in reality helping that process. But for the moment, I expect to be going out and leaving DH at home "doing nothing".

I work. My partner is SAHP. But honestly, even when dd is at school I don’t care if he goes back to work. I earn decent money doing something I love, albeit hard work, he earns not great money doing a back-breaking physical job that gives him no pleasure. Why shouldn’t my success make his life nicer?