To feel lazy relaxing at home when DH is here working?

[Listerntome]

Does anyone else feel like this?

I want to be watching box sets, napping and reading books … but I can hear DH working and it makes me feel I should be working myself.

I know it is probably stupid, but just wondering if I’m alone.

YABU - no I never feel like this.

YANBU - me too!

I totally hear you OP! I used to work 6-midnight and DH would often ask me “what have you been up to today?”

I would never reply “lying on the sofa eating kitkats and watching daytime tv”

In your shoes I would probably go to a friends house and drink tea with them, watching Wimbledon.

I don’t think a few days relaxing are signs of a selfish person (knackered maybe!)

who said it was? As long as you don't expect your full time working partner to do the chores and bring you breakfast in bed and diner on the sofa.

But if you talk about unemployed or retired partners doing nothing but collapse on the sofa watching tv full time, then yuk, how unattractive.

Kind of, except it wasn’t so much an opinion as a realisation that a lot of us do feel like we should be doing doing doing all of the time, that in a rare moment of leisure it is wrong to relax especially if someone else continues to work. Which is silly but it shows how ingrained this feeling is!

you keep insisting that the only way to "relax" , the only possible "leisure" is to do nothing.

Is it that hard to understand that it's not true for most of us?

@dontbejealousofmyartisticflair do you prefer to work to relax?

No but you do need to keep your self fed, watered, housed and dress - how you work that out as a couple or a single person is up to you, but it.is rare to be able to do this without some element of work.

For me, in a couple, I think both should contribute and have free time equally so it would be unfair to be working while my partner did nothing.

Retiring providing you have a sufficient retirement pot to fund your half of the living expenses and providing that was not derived at the expense of the other person, is fine - in my opinion.

Oh no not at all @dontbejealousofmyartisticflair . But one persons doing nothing can be doing something, can’t it? If you’re a poet or a writer or musician anyway (I’m not!)

I know some people do exercise as a relaxation thing, or go for walks and that’s sort of their ‘me time.’ I’m definitely not saying they are wrong, just for me personally today I haven’t done much.

Which is why context is important- a rare moment of relaxation would indicate that this is a rarity- the lack of context means people will ask for that context.

The thread did take on a pretty hostile tone almost from the start though. I’ve tried really hard to keep things reasonably light, as I’m not here for a row but as with a lot of things, peoples posts make you think, not necessarily agree but think. Maybe I’ve been thinking too much today (that’s one reason work can be good for you!) I wouldn’t expect anyone I loved to work to the bone to provide for me but equally I wouldn’t expect anyone I loved to insist I worked until I was exhausted and depressed just so that things were ‘fair’.

And your op wasn't a realisation on behalf of everyone - it was you having your thought and asking for other people's thoughts (these are opinions)

Of course

@Listerntome adults work is a put down? Why do you feel that way, it's not intended as such. Yes, sometimes being an adult is boring and you can't watch box sets all day, but there we are. For the majority of adults that's just how it is! Its not a put down, it's just life

It's not wrong to feel the way you do though, that's my whole point. It's subjective.

Of course everyone has got a different answer.. because it's subjective.

If you want people's opinions on a specific set of circumstances (be it yours or anyone else's) you'd be better just laying out what those circumstances are and welcoming the opinions otherwise you'll just get a wide spread of views which are personal to whoever gives it, which is what is happening.

With respect, going on to say you think it's sad that some people choose to live their life differently and get their enjoyment differently to yours comes across as judgmental, when no one is actually judging you, they're just sharing their personal observations into their own lives and what they would do in certain situations.

There is no right or wrong answer here.

again, why does it have to be either "work" or "do nothing"?

Ever heard of sport, travel, art, studying, baking...?

And no, I don't find "doing nothing" very relaxing personally. I can't imagine looking back to the week on Friday and think I've only managed to work/ do chores and watch tv.

well, no, doing nothing is doing nothing. Poet or writer, musician.. they are doing "something", even if it's just a hobby and they don't make a living out of it.

Again, doing nothing "today" is not a big deal if you don't expect your working partner to do everything for you. It's when today becomes every day and you do nothing with your life that it's not appealing.

I can't see anger on this thread, just people who don't agree that it's even possible let alone enjoyable to do nothing in life.

I sometimes do this but I've had to work on not feeling guilty!

I work part-time, and have Fridays totally off. Sometimes, when all my chores are done I get an hour or so to myself to sit and watch telly. It feels weird, especially as DH is upstairs working away, but I know that come Saturday and Sunday it will be me cooking and planning meals, changing bedclothes and packing up for picnics. It'll also be me loading and unloading the dishwasher.

I'm also working hard on not getting grumpy when I do all those things and DH is sat on his arse! 🤣

I love nothing more than sitting down with a good book knowing that the house won't fall down around me cos OH will crack on. Doesn't enter my head to feel guilty and it goes the other way too. Weird mindset to have. I remember when I was younger, my father was an early riser (did fuck all once he was up though) and couldn't stand the thought of us still in bed. Imagine thinking you had control over another human beings movements.

It's a weird hierarchy of hobbies too.

Watching tv bad
Playing computer games bad
Reading -probably okay
Going to gym -good
Doing art! Marvellous
Volunteering -very good

Probably why people go off to their allotment (then just watch cricket in peace)

in other words, there is wasting your time and achieving nothing

vs actually doing something.

No one has ever wished they'd watch more tv or played more video games or be on MN on their death bed.

Don't speak for us all.

I am enjoying having summer off from studying and catching up on playing games.

To be fair I am also only studying for fun so thats probably pointless too. Same as watching sports.

I shall write poems! Far more worthwhile lol

No one has ever wished they'd watch more tv or played more video games or be on MN on their death bed.

How do you know? Lots of people enjoy doing things like that and wish they had more time to do them.

Oh yes, I am sure people on their death bed wish they hadn't missed that episode of Love Island 😂

it's a life project to make that Sky and Netflix subscription worthwhile

What on earth are you talking about?

What's the actual situation?

You don't give enough information on what is actually going on, why one of you is working while another isn't for people to actually judge.

I definitely wish I had more time for Zelda!

if it works then people don't need permission to do it or to choose to feel guilty