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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a gift for my newborn?

424 replies

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:46

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this?

I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

OP posts:
Sweetener12 · 10/07/2023 09:44

Sorry, but YABU. Expecting a gift is not nice, and while people may bring/ask if you need something, they aren't obliged to. I would send my friends smartshow 3d video cards and vouchers to congratulate them, but buying gifts is not exactly a thing for us. Let alone the fact new parents in our friend circle never really had enough time and energy to host gatherings for the first 3 or 4 months.

Original poster
Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

I think everyone is getting a bit confused by my post lol

I don't ever expect a gift for anything, I'm just asking as I would always do this.

Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know

OP posts:
Original poster
Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

Does no one now gift gifts?

OP posts:
WonderfulUsername · 10/07/2023 09:48

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

I think everyone is getting a bit confused by my post lol

I don't ever expect a gift for anything, I'm just asking as I would always do this.

Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know

No-one's getting confused, you've just read the replies and realised how self-centered you sound.

Buy her one or don't, if she's like the majority of people on this thread, she won't care.

Proudofitbabe · 10/07/2023 09:49

I always take a gift, and never not had a little something from visitors in those early days so I agree it is the norm.

Trinity65 · 10/07/2023 09:56

How Grabby

JenniferBarkley · 10/07/2023 09:57

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

I think everyone is getting a bit confused by my post lol

I don't ever expect a gift for anything, I'm just asking as I would always do this.

Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know

Gifts are the norm (as you presumably know as you'll have had plenty from others). Get your friend's baby a gift just as you would for anyone else, take the high road.

If it's a pattern with this friend that she's all take no give, then by all means revaluate the friendship.

Pearsoap · 10/07/2023 09:59

I agree with you OP. It is odd not to bring a little something, either for mother or baby, on this sort of occasion. Wouldn't expect it if she's struggling financially of course, but yes, it's the norm to bring a gift. She probably didn't realise this for some reason.

MammaTo · 10/07/2023 10:01

Yeah I’d always take a gift/vouchers or a bunch of flowers for mum if present might of been given at the baby shower.

Avondale89 · 10/07/2023 10:03

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

I think everyone is getting a bit confused by my post lol

I don't ever expect a gift for anything, I'm just asking as I would always do this.

Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know

You’ve just said you would never not take a gift with you when you met a newborn. So, by your own standards, surely you should get her one? This is all so petty.

Maybe instead of obsessing over the gift, it might be a better idea to reevaluate the friendship and what this person means to you. She also may yet get you something, not that you deserve it. I can’t believe you’re so hung up on receiving something from her, rather than recognising that she did a nice thing by coming to see you. I also can’t fathom the amount of people who agree with this attitude.

Confusion101 · 10/07/2023 10:09

You can't say "she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one" and then follow that up with "I don't ever expect a gift for anything". This whole thread is about you expecting a gift for your baby.

Tbh I would be delighted, she didn't get you one, now she's pregnant you don't have to get her one. Happy days! Unless you want to, then go for it, but there's no obligation!

Confusion101 · 10/07/2023 10:12

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

Does no one now gift gifts?

And FWIW I do give gifts. Because I love getting someone something I think they'd like, not because I expect a present back! I have often gone to meet newborn babies, sorry been let meet newborns without a gift, sussed out what the parents already had, what they needed, and gotten a present when the baby is a bit older!

ImNotReallySpartacus · 10/07/2023 10:19

It's a bit weird to talk about meeting a baby. How is it a meeting when one of the parties is not yet able to grasp who the other party is?

gettingoldisshit · 10/07/2023 10:20

I would always bring a gift for a newborn as would most people i know, however it wouldn't bother me if someone didn't bring one for my newborn.

kirinm · 10/07/2023 10:21

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

And you don't have an automatic right to a present. Jesus Christ. Get over yourself.

bunnypenny · 10/07/2023 10:21

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

I think everyone is getting a bit confused by my post lol

I don't ever expect a gift for anything, I'm just asking as I would always do this.

Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know

The title of your post says you expect a gift so you clearly do expect it. Otherwise you wouldn’t be posting….

GoodChat · 10/07/2023 10:25

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

I think everyone is getting a bit confused by my post lol

I don't ever expect a gift for anything, I'm just asking as I would always do this.

Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know

Maybe rethink your thread title next time

DiddyHeck · 10/07/2023 10:25

OP backpeddling...

I don't ever expect a gift for anything

OP's thread title...

AIBU to expect a gift for my newborn?

😂😂

M340 · 10/07/2023 10:27

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

No one cares about your newborn anywhere near as much as you.

Your child isn't the messiah.

I've always met my friends babies and wished them well, offered support and help. That's so much more meaningful than a plastic gift or an outfit that will be worn once with puke on it. I've never been clutching onto dear life with sheer desperation to meet a friends baby. I have never 'let' someone meet my newborn.

If they come over, they come over. My child isn't the centre of my friends world.

Jesus wept.

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 10/07/2023 10:28

I wouldn't dream of turning up without some sort of gift, and would be quietly surprised if friends turned up empty handed too. I would note that a hand-written/drawn card would be sufficient! It's just a signifier of thoughtfulness, usually. However if they turn up empty handed but do the washing up/hold baby while I go shower, then that is a gift in itself 😁

OneMoreCookieMonster · 10/07/2023 10:29
  • Babies are not 'pay per view'

most people would take a gift for a newborn, but also most parents want their babies to 'meet' their families & friends.*

This!

This is honestly a wind up...it's got to be. No one can be this self centered and entitled. Please think about what you've just said. I Hope you've have said this to anyone in rl.

M340 · 10/07/2023 10:30

But you do expect people to bring gifts. If they don't, you deem them rude.

(Hint, your friend isn't the rude one here.)

sunglassesonthetable · 10/07/2023 10:32

You have a lovely new baby. You're lucky.
Forget about the whole gifts thing.

If someone brings a gift, sweet. I usually do.
But if they don't- so what. Let it go. The friendship and the baby is the important bit.

THE GIFT IS NOT THE IMPORTANT BIT.

If you WANT to take her a gift for her LO. Do it. If not. Don't.

It's not transactional.

unsync · 10/07/2023 10:33

Nope. Offer of timeout / baby sitting / Spa for mum and then Christening gift for baby. Best friends only.

Newname47 · 10/07/2023 10:38

Why would you want more stuff for a baby? They have so much stuff already!