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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a gift for my newborn?

424 replies

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:46

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this?

I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 10/07/2023 08:24

I do a gift but I wouldn't expect one! Plenty of people met my dc as newborns and didn't give a gift. That's wild to expect that.

Floofydawg · 10/07/2023 08:27

BreadInCaptivity · 10/07/2023 01:16

Of course she was unreasonable.

Your baby and yourself are the centre around which the universe revolves and this was a snub of the highest order, you having deigned to arrange an audience with her.

Frankincense, gold and myrrh should have been presented on arrival as is custom for such an historic meeting.

I think you are especially generous in not mentioning a lack of present for yourself quite frankly.

Some Jo Malone fragrance and candles should be a minimum pre-requisite offering (though a spa day would be more on par).

Honestly the world is going to the dogs.

Nobody knows how to behave any more.

Simply meeting a friend and having a lovely chat whilst they coo over your newborn is sooo last century...you can't Instagram a nice time - you need the merch for a good social media post that reflects how wonderful life is....

Hmm

😂 Best response ever!

ColourfulHairbands · 10/07/2023 08:28

It’s nice to bring a gift. You shouldn’t expect a gift. That’s your problem right there

Jifmicroliquid · 10/07/2023 08:29

There’s a cost of living crisis. Perhaps think about that.

headcheffer · 10/07/2023 08:29

I think people are being a bit harsh. It's a social norm to bring a gift to someone's baby, especially their first - or at least a card. So you're right to think it's unusual.

However, it's worth remembering you're full of hormones and in the newborn bubble and it's easy to get very upset about things. This isn't something worth getting upset about.

Congratulations on your new baby OP.

Mosaic123 · 10/07/2023 08:31

I wouldn't go empty handed to visit a new baby. I might take a small gift for the Mum if the parents had a lot of stuff already. But things are difficult right now for many people.

cansu · 10/07/2023 08:31

Newsflash
People do not need to pay to see your baby. If you don't want to see friends then don't. Expecting gifts for the privilege is awful.

Mikimoto · 10/07/2023 08:37

How much do you normally charge for friends to see your baby? Is there a standard rate?

SilkTrees · 10/07/2023 08:38

user1473878824 · 10/07/2023 00:47

Is your newborn very disappointed?

Grin

They'll be going NC in a minute, and blocking the friend on social media.

Turkey18 · 10/07/2023 08:38

She might not be able to afford it.

Jongleterre · 10/07/2023 08:39

The expectation of gifts overriding the pleasure of seeing your friend and enjoying their company and sharing the delight of meeting your baby shows you to be entitled and grasping.

Not pleasant attributes and something you should work on to get your priorities right and your greed under control.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/07/2023 08:39

user1473878824 · 10/07/2023 00:47

Is your newborn very disappointed?

😂😂😂😂

MrsMiddleMother · 10/07/2023 08:42

Yanbu op!
I ditched 2 friends due to this, when both of their babies were born a few months before mine I bought lovely and thoughtful gifts. One didn't get me or baby anything and the other regifted some crap she got for free at Christmas. It shows how much they care imo and really showed we weren't the friends I thought we were .

MrsMiddleMother · 10/07/2023 08:44

Partypiddler · 10/07/2023 07:13

The responses that this new mother is getting for asking if her friend was rude not to being a gift for her baby are uncomfortable to read.

So far this new mother has been called grabby, a cow, a c*nt, entitled, rude, when maybe all she needs is a simple 'yes it is normal to bring presents when meeting a baby, but it shouldn't really be expected. Instead enjoy time with your friend and don't get hung up on the gift thing'.

This can be said without some of the seething vitriol that I have seen. Op doesn't deserve this backlash at all. She hasn't killed anyone! This thread is absolutely horrible! What are you all getting out of this?

People are absolute vultures unfortunately!

luckylavender · 10/07/2023 08:45

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

You sound so entitled

Louoby · 10/07/2023 08:48

I wouldn't expect a gift from a friend but it would of been polite to bring at least a card. If I'm going to see my friend's new baby, I would 100% take a card and a gift. Depending on how close the friend is as to how big the gift would be but would still take something round.

Runnerduck34 · 10/07/2023 08:49

Congratulations on your new baby OP.
I think it is the norm to give a card and gift.
Especially when close enough to you to visit and meet new baby , so not a casual acquaitance
People on here are being a bit harsh!
You shouldnt really expect a one but I would be a bit surprised they came completely empty handed.
I echo PP about pregnancy hormones raging.
When youve gone through such a life changing experience having it acknowledged is important but your friend did visit so that shows shes cares.

baconcrisp · 10/07/2023 09:02

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 10/07/2023 09:04

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:55

I guess you don't take gifts to see your friend's newborn?

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

She was probably only being polite asking to see your newborn. Your baby isn’t as interesting to anyone else as they are to you. You’re acting like seeing your newborn was a brilliant treat for her 😂

Blossomtoes · 10/07/2023 09:06

Maybe she’s on MN and has seen the constant posts complaining about being given “tat”.

MustBeGinOclock · 10/07/2023 09:15

I think i wouldve expected a gift for my newborn. I hate to go anywhere 'empty handed' myself so guess I expect it of others.

adomizo · 10/07/2023 09:17

StormInaDcup99 · 10/07/2023 07:23

I'm actually mainly with the OP on this one. (However the post did come across as slightly insensitive)

I live in Ireland and you would never go to see a friend's new baby without taking a gift, even a small one. It would be seen as quite rude not to take something

Where are located OP?

This !

GalileoHumpkins · 10/07/2023 09:18

No one owes your newborn a gift.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/07/2023 09:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

This

MsRosley · 10/07/2023 09:35

user1473878824 · 10/07/2023 00:47

Is your newborn very disappointed?

😂