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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a gift for my newborn?

424 replies

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 00:46

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this?

I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 10/07/2023 15:05

Definitely don’t get the person who didn’t get you a gift a gift!

Ah so that's how it works. 😄

It's all about tit for tat.

Allhailkingcharlie · 10/07/2023 15:09

Wow. You are being quite rude. No one has to buy anything for anyone If they don't want too.

BodyKeepingScore · 10/07/2023 15:09

I buy close friends or family a gift. Outside of that, no I don't. I did not expect gifts when I had any of mine, nor did I judge those who didn't bring one. I didn't give it a second thought. I was just excited to share my new baby with them. You sound quite selfish and superficial. Your baby doesn't care whether someone comes empty handed or not. The world is too focused on "stuff" and material items, it's ridiculous

MrsRonaldWeasley · 10/07/2023 15:10

You sound a bit entitled OP 🙈

Wishimaywishimight · 10/07/2023 15:17

I probably would bring a gift at some stage. However I always feel "look at" is more appropriate than "meet" when it comes to newborns. A glance, a "ah, s/he is adorable" then back to grown up talk.

DisquietintheRanks · 10/07/2023 15:20

HerRoyalNotness · 10/07/2023 01:13

Y’a know, I had a ‘friend’ drop in with a gift to visit me and newborn. Except she said after not very long oh I have to go I’m meeting mutual friend for lunch. She wasn’t coming to see me at all, I was an afterthought. She must have thought it sounded rude and said you can come if you like. Me, recovering from CS, with a newborn. So I’d rather a genuine friend drop in with nothing than that.

I've read this 3 times now and still not sure what the problem was. It's pretty customary to keep visits to new mothers short. Far better to go on to meet another friend for lunch than expect you to host.

kitsuneghost · 10/07/2023 15:20

were you allowing visitation rights in the hope of a gift?

ClearConfusion · 10/07/2023 15:20

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

I think everyone is getting a bit confused by my post lol

I don't ever expect a gift for anything, I'm just asking as I would always do this.

Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know

So you’ve established that NOT giving a gift to a newborn is rude beyond belief, and you ALWAYS give a gift in this scenario. But now you’re saying that because your friend didn’t buy a gift for your baby, you’re not going to buy her baby a gift, surely this attitude is extremely childish and churlish. So your original post should read I always buy a gift for a newborn, but ONLY if the parents buy my baby one. Me thinks you need to do a spot of growing up.

Tophy124 · 10/07/2023 15:20

You sound unhinged and grabby. Nobody cares about meeting your newborn as much as you think unless they are close family. Your baby doesn’t care so be serious, you wanted the gift for you!

Freneg98 · 10/07/2023 15:21

I would take a gift.
But I don't ever expect one from anyone, for any occasion.
Also I personally believe it is more sustainable to ask for what would be needed or approciated as opposed to buying random gifts for the sake of buying gifts.

piesforever · 10/07/2023 15:24

Greedy git!!!! Why would you ever expect a present?

7eleven · 10/07/2023 15:25

Oh get over yourself, OP.

Waffle78 · 10/07/2023 15:30

I only expected gifts off family. My mum's best friend gave me gifts but any outside the family is a bonus not expected.

Waffle78 · 10/07/2023 15:33

Cost of living I guess she wants to focus on preparing for her own child not someone else's.

GnomishInventions · 10/07/2023 15:33

Also, no one has automatic right to see your newborn. They can wait until the baby is older meet them.

It's like a Meet & Greet session for your newborn. Are you selling tickets for the privilege? 😂

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/07/2023 15:37

I would've brought you a gift OP. It's the way I was brought up. Doesn't need to anything expensive. I agree with you, unless your friend is absolutely on her uppers.

CheshireCat1 · 10/07/2023 15:38

I always buy or make a gift for new baby, friends, family, neighbours and colleagues. Saying that I don’t expect gifts in return.

ChrisPPancake · 10/07/2023 15:39

It's rude to expect a gift imo.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 10/07/2023 15:41

In my culture, you would always take a gift when meeting a new baby. If you didn't get to meet baby face-to-face, you'd send one to their home. Same with weddings, you take a gift before the wedding during the open-house, even if you're not invited. You would also send them one if there was no open house and not invited.

I did have a couple of people come to meet my newborn that didn't bring a gift. I thought it was odd, but assumed maybe English people don't do it like we do. Didn't say anything or anything, as I'm not an entitled type at all. Always grateful to receive but never put out if nothing brought.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 10/07/2023 15:42

I always take a gift but I'd understand if someone couldnt afford to. I'd be more touched that someone cared enough to come and meet my baby as opposed to the gift.

Hoppinggreen · 10/07/2023 15:48

If I came to “meet” a baby it would be only because I like one or more of the parents because I have precisely zero interest in babies.
I do not consider it an honour or privilege and I would really rather spend my time doing something else. I would probably take a gift though, just because it’s the done thing but if they expected something they could F off frankly

ForeverFriendsAndPierrot · 10/07/2023 15:51

I don't particularly like newborns so would not be bothered about waiting for an invite

But the mum/my friend I might like to see!!

Let the messiah stay with its dad in another room.

qualitychat · 10/07/2023 15:52

Why does everyone have to be so sarcastic. Personally if I had a friend who had a baby I would buy a present. Surely that's the done thing. If they were really skint they would at least buy a card. No one can get away from the fact that if a close friend doesn't give a thought it is hurtful.

GameOverBoys · 10/07/2023 15:55

In my circles it would be expected of a close family member and welcome from close friends but not necessarily expected. Different people do different things it’s not rude.

butterpuffed · 10/07/2023 15:56

I was just about to put a similar post @qualitychat .So much nastiness lately which starts with just a couple of posts but spreads like a virus .