Page 10 | To expect a gift for my newborn?

Freckles978 · 2023-07-09T23:46:04+00:00

If I ever visit a family member or friend to see their newborn child, I would always bring a gift for the baby. Am I the only person who would always do this? I met a friend specifically to let her meet to my newborn, and she didn't have a gift, and I think it's just rude to not have one. She did previously ask me if I was having a baby shower, to which I had said no. Might this be reason?

Cakeorchocolate · 10/07/2023 11:53

This has to be made up!

Completely entitled OP.
OP claims not to be entitled and never expects gifts despite that being the entire purpose of the thread.
Follow up posts of I would always take a gift, I will continue to take gifts, I won't take a gift.

Batshit! Or blame sleep deprivation and hormones - which means hopefully OP will realise they've been ridiculous at some point.

It's not a privilege to meet your offspring. Most visitors endure it rather than are keen to.

FWIW I do give gifts, but I don't expect them from others and wouldn't give it a thought it someone turned up without one. Sometimes people have more going on in their own lives than the birth of their friends baby.

GalileoHumpkins · 10/07/2023 11:54

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 09:46

I think everyone is getting a bit confused by my post lol

I don't ever expect a gift for anything, I'm just asking as I would always do this.

Also, this friend is now having a baby, am I expected not to take anything because she didn't? Please let me know

Your thread title is literally 'to expect a gift', how are people getting confused?

JohnnysSoLongAtTheFair · 10/07/2023 11:59

JenniferBarkley · 10/07/2023 11:45

The friend would be rude to be moaning about you, but it absolutely is the norm to give a gift to a good friend's newborn so it does sound like you may have gotten this wrong a few times over the years.

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Why? I only got baby gear from family - who asked first - and occasionally flowers or a card from friends. Everyone I know thinks like the pp who said that babies grow out of clothes and toys v quickly and don’t bother with stuff you may well not want.

What matters is that friends take the trouble to come and see you both and say nice things.

This isn’t a thread about a struggling mum who needs nappies and baby clothes. It’s a thread by a latter day Virgin Mary who’s expecting glorification of her child.

That said, I suppose if you’re the Marchioness of Poshville you might expect someone to bring fine port to lay down for the child’s 21st birthday or something.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/07/2023 12:00

Most visitors endure it rather than are keen

Hmm. No not really. I think the opposite. And not sure how you'd know that anyway.

But a de rail as I agree about all the gifts nonsense.

JenniferBarkley · 10/07/2023 12:07

JohnnysSoLongAtTheFair · 10/07/2023 11:59

Why? I only got baby gear from family - who asked first - and occasionally flowers or a card from friends. Everyone I know thinks like the pp who said that babies grow out of clothes and toys v quickly and don’t bother with stuff you may well not want.

What matters is that friends take the trouble to come and see you both and say nice things.

This isn’t a thread about a struggling mum who needs nappies and baby clothes. It’s a thread by a latter day Virgin Mary who’s expecting glorification of her child.

That said, I suppose if you’re the Marchioness of Poshville you might expect someone to bring fine port to lay down for the child’s 21st birthday or something.

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It's just the done thing, the social contract. Just like saying please and thank you, or not burping at the table, or bringing a gift to a wedding or birthday party. No one is going to arrest you for not doing it, but giving a token of some sort on the birth of a baby is the generous and mannerly thing to do.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/07/2023 12:14

It's just the done thing, the social contract. Just like saying please and thank you, or not burping at the table, or bringing a gift to a wedding or birthday party. No one is going to arrest you for not doing it, but giving a token of some sort on the birth of a baby is the generous and mannerly thing to do.

And it is generous and mannerly to not
expect or foresee a gift and to berate its non appearance and conclude to not give one in the future to that person.

That is mean spirited and entitled.

There is nothing 'generous or mannerly' in this OP.

JenniferBarkley · 10/07/2023 12:21

sunglassesonthetable · 10/07/2023 12:14

It's just the done thing, the social contract. Just like saying please and thank you, or not burping at the table, or bringing a gift to a wedding or birthday party. No one is going to arrest you for not doing it, but giving a token of some sort on the birth of a baby is the generous and mannerly thing to do.

And it is generous and mannerly to not
expect or foresee a gift and to berate its non appearance and conclude to not give one in the future to that person.

That is mean spirited and entitled.

There is nothing 'generous or mannerly' in this OP.

Absolutely, that's why I said in my first post that it's rude to expect a gift, and why I said to @JohnnysSoLongAtTheFair that her friends would be rude to be moaning.

But it is rude not to give something.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 10/07/2023 12:29

But it is rude not to give something.

No, it isn't.

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 10/07/2023 12:35

BreadInCaptivity · 10/07/2023 01:16

Of course she was unreasonable.

Your baby and yourself are the centre around which the universe revolves and this was a snub of the highest order, you having deigned to arrange an audience with her.

Frankincense, gold and myrrh should have been presented on arrival as is custom for such an historic meeting.

I think you are especially generous in not mentioning a lack of present for yourself quite frankly.

Some Jo Malone fragrance and candles should be a minimum pre-requisite offering (though a spa day would be more on par).

Honestly the world is going to the dogs.

Nobody knows how to behave any more.

Simply meeting a friend and having a lovely chat whilst they coo over your newborn is sooo last century...you can't Instagram a nice time - you need the merch for a good social media post that reflects how wonderful life is....

Brilliant @BreadInCaptivity !

BathroomOnTheRight · 10/07/2023 12:35

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 10:49

Things I've learnt from this post:

Many people do think like me (it's rude not to take a gift)
Many people do not like seeing new born babies (news to me)
Many do not expect a gift, therefore there may be a change in culture whereby we no longer give gifts to newborns
I will continue to give gifts to newborns I do get to meet, as news to many, it is not a right to meet one, many mum's don't want people around their newborn, so it is a privilege to be aloud to meet the newborn
I won't be taking my friend a gift as it's now seen normal to a group of you that no gift for occasions are the norm

it is not a right to meet one, many mum's don't want people around their newborn, so it is a privilege to be aloud to meet the newborn

You still don't get it. You seem to think people are LINING UP to 'meet' your baby. In real life, no one cares. It is not a privilege to be 'allowed' to meet a random baby. Get over it. No one cares about 'meeting' a baby. It's not that important. Your baby is not that important to anyone else but you.

Quveas · 10/07/2023 12:38

I think it's just rude to not have one

I think it's just rude to expect people to give gifts. As someone else has said, I am friends with people that I like spending time with, not people who give me things that I expect them to buy.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/07/2023 13:00

Simply meeting a friend and having a lovely chat whilst they coo over your newborn is sooo last century...you can't Instagram a nice time - you need the merch for a good social media post that reflects how wonderful life is....

This

Honestly this thread really embodies a skewed look at life.

blahblahblah1654 · 10/07/2023 13:01

Fgs it's not a privilege to meet your baby. I have children and I've never felt privileged to meet someone else's baby. I don't expect them to be that excited about mine, unless it's immediate family. If you want to see the friend fine, but get over yourself a little. I like to buy a present for friends babies but I wouldn't really care of judge if I didn't get one. I'm always appreciative of presents though.

JeftHeft · 10/07/2023 13:04

JenniferBarkley · 10/07/2023 12:07

It's just the done thing, the social contract. Just like saying please and thank you, or not burping at the table, or bringing a gift to a wedding or birthday party. No one is going to arrest you for not doing it, but giving a token of some sort on the birth of a baby is the generous and mannerly thing to do.

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I think you're misunderstanding the term social contract.

But also, there's a difference between what the OP or anyone else views as the social 'norm' and having the expectation of what they deem the 'norm' and negatively judging the person based on that.

Cultures, common practices and rituals vary widely. And change over time.

It being common that people buy gifts for a newborn/Mum Isn't the same as it being a social expectation that deems the person as rude if they don't do it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/07/2023 13:09

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 10:49

Things I've learnt from this post:

Many people do think like me (it's rude not to take a gift)
Many people do not like seeing new born babies (news to me)
Many do not expect a gift, therefore there may be a change in culture whereby we no longer give gifts to newborns
I will continue to give gifts to newborns I do get to meet, as news to many, it is not a right to meet one, many mum's don't want people around their newborn, so it is a privilege to be aloud to meet the newborn
I won't be taking my friend a gift as it's now seen normal to a group of you that no gift for occasions are the norm

@Freckles978

“I will continue to give gifts to newborns I do get to meet, as news to many, it is not a right to meet one, many mum's don't want people around their newborn, so it is a privilege to be aloud to meet the newborn”

it’s not. Soz. Most people really don’t care that much.

mastertomsmum · 10/07/2023 13:30

ThatFraggle · 10/07/2023 07:35

OP probably doesn't count flowers as a gift.

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I’d say being brought cake to share, flowers of a gift for mum is a thing and something that a friend might do instead or as well as a gift for the baby

fitzwilliamdarcy · 10/07/2023 14:31

It is really not a privilege to meet a baby and have the opportunity of bestowing gifts on it.

I say this as someone who would always bring a gift (and has done in the past). Because it’s what people do, innit. But trust me, the experience is not some kind of incredible honour that sends me into rapturous fits of ecstasy.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 10/07/2023 14:32

mastertomsmum · 10/07/2023 13:30

I’d say being brought cake to share, flowers of a gift for mum is a thing and something that a friend might do instead or as well as a gift for the baby

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I once got a new mum gift hamper for a friend and got roundly told off for excluding the baby.

No good deed…

blahblahblah1654 · 10/07/2023 14:41

fitzwilliamdarcy · 10/07/2023 14:32

I once got a new mum gift hamper for a friend and got roundly told off for excluding the baby.

No good deed…

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I hope you mean ex friend!

fitzwilliamdarcy · 10/07/2023 14:50

@blahblahblah1654 Yes, oddly enough we lost touch...

ArrrMeHearties · 10/07/2023 14:52

I've let people meet my newborn at hospital when he was born and have done since we have been home and at no point did I expect anything from anyone. Some gave my older ds a small minding too like a packet of sweets or some bubbles which I thought was lovely so he didn't feel left out. Why would you expect presents from everyone? That's just being greedy and it's not a nice look

readbooksdrinktea · 10/07/2023 14:52

many mum's don't want people around their newborn, so it is a privilege to be aloud to meet the newborn”

It's really not. Some of us can take it or leave it. The idea that I'd line up to be allowed an opportunity to coo at a baby is laughable.

ARRGHHHHHxxxxx · 10/07/2023 14:56

It's rude to expect a gift OP.

YABU

Do you always have high expectations?

jejija · 10/07/2023 15:01

Freckles978 · 10/07/2023 10:49

Things I've learnt from this post:

Many people do think like me (it's rude not to take a gift)
Many people do not like seeing new born babies (news to me)
Many do not expect a gift, therefore there may be a change in culture whereby we no longer give gifts to newborns
I will continue to give gifts to newborns I do get to meet, as news to many, it is not a right to meet one, many mum's don't want people around their newborn, so it is a privilege to be aloud to meet the newborn
I won't be taking my friend a gift as it's now seen normal to a group of you that no gift for occasions are the norm

I’m really surprised by the comments on this thread!
I always take a gift for a newborn when I first meet them, I’ve had 3 babies and people have always brought my babies a gift or card when they have met them for the first time.
I love seeing newborn babies and was inundated by people asking to see my newborn babies so it seems people do like seeing babies…

Definitely don’t get the person who didn’t get you a gift a gift!

JudgeJ · 10/07/2023 15:01

blahblahblah1654 · 10/07/2023 14:41

I hope you mean ex friend!

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And you removed the offending hamper from the glorious presence!