To think this is revolting?

[Namechange1000035]

Just had this conversation with my husband. For context, things are dire between us, he's been on the sofa for 6 months because 'it helps him sleep better', and he's onto his 3rd drink of the night. He came into the kitchen with just a towel on and because I was sat down, his belly button was right in my eyeline. It's quite big and round, not quite an inny or an outy.

Me: "I'm fighting the urge to draw an eye on your belly button."

Him: "I'm fighting the urge to grab you, bend you over the table and stab you repeatedly in your brown eye."

AIBU to think he's being revolting?

@CrazyArmadilloLady you are not her therapist nor a judge handling a divorce for them. You know nothing about their relationship apart from the limited one sided information given by the OP. If you want to express your opinion as objective facts then that is up to you, it’s just a shame that you feel the need to make personal digs at people that don’t agree with you 🤷‍♀️

And if you want to continue defending someone downplaying misogynistic (at best), rapey (at worst) comments, then that is up to you.

It’s just a shame that the person downplaying those comments is far more important to you than the person who started the thread looking for support. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You have no idea of the relationship between OP and her husband, you also have no idea of the context in which he said the comment apart from what OP has given. Women can be just as vitriolic and unpleasant in a toxic relationship as men. You however have already found the husband guilty on all charges and your opinion according to you is the only one that matters. Anyone that disagrees with you supports misogynistic men , are weird and must have problems in their own relationships. Your role in this seems to be to force your opinion upon everyone else and then bully everyone else into agreeing with you by making personal attacks on their character.

Thank you for perfectly articulating my feelings on this.

@IOnlycreatedaccountforthispost She is downplaying rapey comments though. By saying they are "just" crass and not rapey.

Defending sexually violent language against women, and gaslighting others by making out they can't take a joke or implying they are prudish by being offended by a crass comment, is something I will call out every single time.

That is not bullying. Jeez 🙄

@Nordicrain I have given written examples of what I believe is bullying. Calling out something that a person says is not bullying, disagreeing with someone is not bullying, having a lively debate is not bullying, however in my opinion, making personal digs about someone’s life is bullying.
I have also explained that we don’t know anything about their relationship or the context of the Husbands comment to OP. If you don’t want to read them or if you disagree with me, that’s entirely up to you. You are just as entitled to your opinion as I am…that’s a beauty of living in this country; freedom of speech. Hopefully you’ll note though that I haven’t made any personal comments about anyone I’ve disagreed with.

You first example was, literally, calling someone out for what they were doing. So is that bullying or not?

The weird comment was in reponse to the poster saying I was weird.

We know loads about the context of the OP's husband's comment, because she has said. But even without that context, the comment is not ok (and it is sexually violent).

I didn't comment on the poster's relationship.

The reason this has gone on is that the poster keeps challening others that have said it was rapey. I was responding to her responding to me. That isn't bullying (despite what you personally think).

I think we just have to agree to disagree. I can read through the comments and form my own opinions on where I think lines were crossed from disagreeing with somebody to bullying somebody in order to shut down their opinion.
You don’t have to agree with me in anything I have said or in any views I may or may not have. If someone disagrees with me, I’m not going to personally attack them. I respect freedom of speech, I don’t respect bigotry.

So, let me make sure I got this right: After saying we should agree to disagree you then call me a bigot (despite proclaiming that you never get personal) because I have responded to a PP responding to me?

Form your own opinion all you like, and I will form mine. As you say there is freedom of speach, and I choose to use mine to challenge people who like to minimise or normalise sexual violence towards women. That is not bigotry. Unless of course you mean I am carrying a prejudice against people who think it sexual violence (verbal or physical) againts women is acceptable. In which case, yes, I will admit that I am prejudice against them.

I didn't personally attack them though. If you think I did, feel free to report me and my PA comment.

It was a generalized statement based on various comments made in the thread as a whole. It was not aimed at a specific poster.
I’m just wondering if you were the poster that made the following comment to @JenWillsiam ‘Some kind of weird desire to confirm your internal misogyny perhaps? Normalising your own experiences? Hmmm.’

If you persistently and doggedly downplay sexually violent comments made by a man to an OP who is upset by them, you are going to have to expect that people will wonder, and ask, why you’re doing that. It’s deeply naive not to expect that to happen.

MN will delete any posts that contravene talk guidelines.

What you are saying is that it is ok to make personal digs to posters if their views differ from yours and your justification for this behavior is that their views are wrong so hold no value so that makes it okay. Good to know, glad we got there is the end 😂

Well yes, their views are wrong. I’ve said that repeatedly, and stand by it yet again. Downplaying sexually violent comments on a thread where the OP is upset by those comments absolutely is wrong. But glad you’re finding it hilarious.

I have also explained that we don’t know anything about their relationship or the context of the Husbands comment to OP.

We do know. OP has said ’several things related to sex that have not been all right in our relationship, I do think he was trying to intimidate me on a sexual level.‘

If you can’t see there is something wrong here then with all due respect, you shouldn’t even attempt to give OP advice.

Quite.

Why don't you save some of that sympathy you have for the "bullied" PP @IOnlycreatedaccountforthispost and extend it to the OP who is being threatened with an ass "stabbing", something she has made 100% clear she is not up for.

@CrazyArmadilloLady good deflecting 👏

@Lacucuracha I haven’t given the OP any advice. What I would say to OP however is that ‘your relation sounds pretty damn toxic and I think you should leave’.

@Nordicrain the comment the husband made on its own is deeply unpleasant, I never said it wasn’t. However we only know OPs version and not the husbands. We don’t know what comments the OP said to him, people are not always honest. Forgive me if I don’t feel like being the judge, jury and executioner, without more context.

The lack of tolerance to other opinions is pretty bad. If all the posters were in a room together, I can totally imagine some of you just talking over everyone else’s opinions and not allowing anyone else to speak. Luckily one can get a word in edgeways on this forum.

i don’t necessarily share the views of @JenWillsiam but I do have sympathy with anyone trying to express an opinion and being (in my subjective opinion) browbeaten into not giving it. I’m not an advocate of silencing people just because you don’t like what they say.

I wasn't silencing her. I was responding to her responses to me. Is that allowed? Perhaps not judge, jury and executioner, just MN police.

Well yes, we only have OP's side. But the way it works is kind of that we take things at face value. Unless you don't believe he actually said what he did, or what she says the state of their relationship is, then there is not much grey area in his words.

Anyway, this discussion is deflecting from OP's thread and her question. Plus, I expect you will probably accuse me of bullying you shortly. So perhaps we will just it there shall we. And if PP has an issue with anything I have said she can express it herself, no need for further white knighting from you.

@BluNomad no you haven’t bullied me at all. You haven’t made any personal comments about me or my relationships or any misogynistic tendencies you believe I may have. I have no issues with how you have engaged with me.

You were absolutely playing dirty games.

I absolutely wasn't.

I have to add I really finding it amazing that you clearly feel very offended and wrong done by that I queried why you were taking such a strong stance against the suggestion that sexually violent language against a women in OP's situation is rapey, but you don't seem to have much issue with what OP experienced. That was just a crass joke.

I do think your stance is mysogynistic. That's not a personal attack, that's my view on your opinion. I asked why (after you called me weird). Which is basically the only thing I've said to you that was even remotely personal to you (anyone can read the thread, it's hardly a secret). So please, let's let OP be the topic of this thread, and you can stop deflecting the fact that your opinion is problematic to many many people by trying to paint yourself as the victim here.

I did not call you weird. I said it’s weird that you’re trying to force me to agree with you. The dirty games is everything covered by other posters. Asking about my relationship and all that nonsense.

I do not agree with you. Because my perception of what’s been said is not the same as yours. It’s that simple.

Except I didn't do any of those things , except the mysogyny comment . And saying you were denying a rapey comment was rapey (and I, of course, disagree they amount to bully and/ or dirty games). Which you were - that was the whole discussion that was being had.

So before you, and your mate, go around accusing someone of being a bully and playing "dirty", why don't you get your facts straight? It's that simple.

No - someone else did and you decided to jump in.

the OP posted. Asked for feedback. I gave it. If you and your mate don’t agree with me that’s fine. What’s not fine is dog piling and trying to intimidate people into not sharing their views.

If you’re so concerned about derailing this thread I suggest you stop and accept we don’t all have the same perspective.