To think this is revolting?

[Namechange1000035]

Just had this conversation with my husband. For context, things are dire between us, he's been on the sofa for 6 months because 'it helps him sleep better', and he's onto his 3rd drink of the night. He came into the kitchen with just a towel on and because I was sat down, his belly button was right in my eyeline. It's quite big and round, not quite an inny or an outy.

Me: "I'm fighting the urge to draw an eye on your belly button."

Him: "I'm fighting the urge to grab you, bend you over the table and stab you repeatedly in your brown eye."

AIBU to think he's being revolting?

Imagine a little old church going lady getting that out of the library?

' oh Derek, she gasped breathlessly as she gazed at his hairy navel, ' I have this terrible urge to get a felt tip and draw an eye around your delightful belly button '

' Oh Tofeelia ' groaned Derek ' you know how that gives me the urge to repeatedly stab your balloon knot until your knees tremble, bend over my darling, for I can contain my desire no longer '

Etc.

Anally rape, or saying that he wanted anal sex with her? I suppose it depends on the context or how he said it, which we won’t know unless told.

I can’t work out what VAWG stands for?

Violence against women and girls.

Give me middle class over the alternative any day of the week 🙏

He sounds disgusting - i’d be gone if my DH spoke to me like that. Gross.

And they say “Romance is dead”….

Really?

OP said something mildly insulting, so her husband basically threatend to rape her. This exchange is not 'tit for tat'.

OP, he's not just being 'revolting' with that comment - he is being abusive. He should not be talking to you like that and I really hope he's not acting on these types of comments. Are you OK?

😳 I must be just as naive as you @Unknownunknowns as I thought he meant a real brown eye, and I also thought that the OP might be one of those rare (but I think lucky) people who have different coloured eyes - I think that one brown eye and one emerald green eye would be amazing! But even though I assumed he was joking (and I just couldn't see what was funny about it), I also thought he meant to stab her brown eye with a real knife. Although I hadn't had a chance to work out why it was her brown eye that annoyed him so much 🤭😂😂

If he's coarse, vulgar and a bit thick them I'd not read too much into it, other than maybe ask myself why I had such poor taste in men.
If its out of character for his typically polite self, them I'd imagine it was said as a verbal punch, for shock factor, to demonstrate his anger, and see it as a sign things were even more dire than I'd imagined.

Who said rape? Wanting to have sex doesn’t mean rape.

@Namechange1000035 I'm sorry to ask you such a personal question - but I think I can get away with it as we are all anonymous here 🤞 - but do you and your husband enjoy anal sex as part of your sexual/loving repertoire? I ask because I don't like to think that it was a "joke" threat to anally rape you, but just that he wanted to ravage (I'm thinking about the Mills and Boon reference earlier in this thread) you in a not quite so romantic way?

On what I consider to be a much brighter note, I don't think that the DM will want to steal this thread - I wonder why I have just had the urge to write "worms" after the word thread... and why would my mind be thinking along those lines at 6:52 in the morning?🤔😉

Is anal sex something you’ve engaged in before? That he’s expressed as a fantasy? Honestly i don’t see the issue really.

You could say that about anything and it would sound miserable.

You could say it about ops line. 'Graffiti? Graffiti is banter?' 'holding someone down and defacing their body is banter?'

Most jokes sound horrible when you pick them apart.

Fwiw I don't like the 'banter' but I don't think it sounds like he's threatening anal rape.

Ew, I don't even mind the occasional bum fun tbh but the phrase stab you in your brown eye is so vomit inducing that I'd be revolted.

I also don't think you were trying to be offensive with your belly button comment - or were you?

Either way, only you know if he's a decent guy and this was just an off comment or whether he's actually a vile pig.

I am glad I am not the only one confused about this!

Not particularly sexy at all, but there was no rape suggestion 😶

Typical apologists are out i see. Op makes a non-offensive joke, bloke replies with a disgusting offensive comment, yet op started it and is as bad as him.

Have a word with yourselves ffs.

I'm working class, and I'd appreciate if you didnt imply that we'd all somehow be more tolerant of thick as a brick men who think unsolicited, crude sexual references pass as wit. We don't all go about behaving like the cast of Shameless, gawaffing helplessly at a man in a towel talking about anal sex using the language of a 12 year old boy.

Yeah, luckily a small amount

Pretty much this.

Mills and boon have gone right down hill these days

‘Fighting the urge to repeatedly stab you in the brown eye’, is how men usually let you know they want to have sex?

Sorry for your shit sex life.

A joke is only a joke if both parties think it funny. OP this sounds pretty hypocritical. You have literally said your relationship is in a very bad way and he is sleeping in the sofa. I therefore don’t understand why people think you told an innocent little joke. Sounds like you made a pretty passive aggressive comment to your husband to get a reaction from him and then he came back with an even shittier comeback. What did you think would happen; you’d both have a good laugh and he’d say good one 🤷‍♀️

What a neat summary of the difference between the sexes.
Woman's 'joke' has the potential to cause a man embarrassment. Man responds with 'joke' threat to subjugate her and carry out a violent sexual act.

No need to feel sorry for me. Based on bitterness levels on MN, I am one of those doing fine.
I also have no idea where you got that's usually how I get asked, but ok, go with whatever floats your boat.

Point is, that was nothing to do with rape.