To think this is revolting?

[Namechange1000035]

Just had this conversation with my husband. For context, things are dire between us, he's been on the sofa for 6 months because 'it helps him sleep better', and he's onto his 3rd drink of the night. He came into the kitchen with just a towel on and because I was sat down, his belly button was right in my eyeline. It's quite big and round, not quite an inny or an outy.

Me: "I'm fighting the urge to draw an eye on your belly button."

Him: "I'm fighting the urge to grab you, bend you over the table and stab you repeatedly in your brown eye."

AIBU to think he's being revolting?

HI OP,
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Hey? He used really violent language. It was absoltuely not some sexy come on.

Honestly, sometimes MN is another world so far removed from mine I can't quite comprehend it.

YANBU OP, how gross.

@5128gap you are totally overreaching and have no idea whether the husband found the joke embarrassing or not or even what he actually meant by his comment. OP posted for people’s opinions and everyone is entitled to give theirs, it’s always really disappointing when I come and read these threats and people are just absolutely shot down and belittled for giving an opinion.

There really wasn’t. Talk about a leap.

Only it’s not always violent. Many enjoy it.

How is ‘repeatedly stab’ not violent?

What he said he wanted to do was violent and aggressive. So the fact that some women enjoy a bit of bum sex is neither here nor there.

It’s all about the context of the comment. The word stab in slang doesn’t necessarily mean raping someone. Would recommend reading the urban dictionary.

Well he wasn't aiming it at 'many' was he? He was speaking to and about a specific woman with whom he is not on good terms, in retaliation for a joke she made, and using violent terminology, that is clearly not an accepted part of their sex life, or she would not have been revolted by it. But yeah, maybe he was just trying to repair the relationship and its his idea of affectionate banter...or something....

Right?

As I always say, MN is a window into another world.

Glad it’s only a window, and I definitely wouldn’t want to live there.

Unless I missed something no one said it was a sexy come on, they only asked OP about their relationship. No one says the husband’s response was nice or appropriate, however condemning someone as a would be rapist without any context or rational thinking is pretty scary to me.

Did he think that he was flirting? Was he threatening?

I think you started being weird and a little unkind and he retaliated something less weird but more violent.

Yes it's revolting OP. I don't think I would have known what he was talking about 'stab', 'brown eye' does he always talk in code?

Do you two even like each other?

The term 'brown eye' is really pretty rank but it sounds like it's probably the least of your troubles.

Why are you still together?

@TheLadyofShalott1 we had anal sex once a decade ago. I hated it.

Everyone else:
He wants sex. But he doesn't want to have to be nice to me. I find it so grim when he ignores me for extended periods then says stuff like that. Just wanted to see if other people were grossed out too or if it was just me.

On a separate note, does anyone else wonder what on earth the nasty trolls on here get out of the experience? I find myself looking at people irl and wondering if they would be capable of saying nasty stuff like that out loud. Baffles me.

Which again many women enjoy. But in content of the weird comment that came before and their wider relationship this to me reads as two people trying to wind eachother up.

I wouldn’t want sex with someone who isn’t nice. I couldn’t live with them or look at their face.

Or maybe he was trying to offend her? Responding to a weird comment with a weird comment. Because what she said wasn’t a joke. Either way it wasn’t rape.

I didn't say it was rape. I described it as using violent sexual terminology.
Clearly we lack a shared understanding of the term 'weird comment' if you believe it applies equally to a comment about drawing on a belly button, and one expressing in violent terms your desire to perform a sex act on a woman you're on bad terms with.

It wasn't actual rape, obviously. But using violent terms to describe wanting to carry out a sexual act, one which he knows OP dislikes, to OP who he is not currently getting on with is a bit rapey.

I am really surprised you feel that it's an ok way to speak to someone.

I didn’t say it was ok. I said it isn’t rapey.

What a ghastly couple. Rough as guts.

@Isoqueen rough as your guts 🤣🤣🤣

You saying it isn’t, doesn’t make it not.

Lots of people think it is.

I am looking at people who think it isn’t and feeling pretty sorry for them.

OP hope you’re OK. Any chance you can move towards leaving the bastard?

What a ghastly person. No morals, urgh.