To think this is revolting?

[Namechange1000035]

Just had this conversation with my husband. For context, things are dire between us, he's been on the sofa for 6 months because 'it helps him sleep better', and he's onto his 3rd drink of the night. He came into the kitchen with just a towel on and because I was sat down, his belly button was right in my eyeline. It's quite big and round, not quite an inny or an outy.

Me: "I'm fighting the urge to draw an eye on your belly button."

Him: "I'm fighting the urge to grab you, bend you over the table and stab you repeatedly in your brown eye."

AIBU to think he's being revolting?

I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. There’s nothing in that post at all that’s rapey.

There are two wind up merchants.

What post? His comment is 100% rapey.

And I do feel sorry for you that you don’t see it.

Derail over. Hope you’re OK, OP.

You started it. You belittled and insulted him, and there was no need.

He started by being an alco who wanders around in a small towel in the kitchen.

This post. The one we are currently discussing.

It is not rapey. There’s nothing in there about not having consent. At all.

Gosh, sheer audacity of a man having a couple drinks in his own home and wearing a towel in his own kitchen….. outrageous behavior!

Feeling like bending someone over and "stabbing" them in their arsehole with, I assume, his penis sounds like a consensual act to you? Especailly when that someone is someone who (1) doesn't like anal sex and (2) isn't on good relations with you. It's not like they were having sexual banter and he said it in that context. It was clearly a come back to OP's comment.

It’s crass but not rapey.

No. It’s rapey.

100% rapey.

No. Threatening to violently ass fuck someone using violent terminology such as “stab”, in the way op’s H did is rapey (unless in a consensual rough sex fetch situation perhaps).

scary that sexual violence against women is so normalised in society it’s just considered a bad taste joke. Jeez.

It’s the very definition of rapey.

I’m honestly shocked that any woman would come on here and try to argue that it isn’t. Any man, for that matter.

‘Fighting the urge’ to ‘repeatedly’ ‘stab’ her somewhere she once had sex and hated, when they’re on bad terms and so it can in no way be perceived as some sort of consensual come-on, is the very definition of ‘rapey’.

Clearly it’s not actual rape - is that where the confusion is coming in?

It 100% is rapey.

With the additional context you've now given, OP, where it sounds very much like he's threatening you with rape - are you safe? I don't mean is he so pissed that you're OK tonight because he's already passed out, I mean are you actually genuinely, reliably safe if you go to sleep?

Disagree.

Yes, obviously.

It’s the ‘why’ that I’m trying to figure out. Is everything OK in your relationship?

@CrazyArmadilloLady that is a totally inappropriate response to an opinion somebody’s given on AIBU..

Yes. Everything is fine in my relationship. And we don’t go round saying weird stuff to each other.

This is a clear example of two people trying to antagonise eachother. The OP is looking for people to tell her what she said was fine. What he said was not. But here’s the thing. What she said was weird. And in context of a very unhappy relationship very inappropriate.

Seriously.????

I don’t disagree with any of that.

But you’re the one trying to insist that what he said wasn’t rapey.

Just because she said something stupid (but ultimately harmless - and yes, she should’ve expected a come back), doesn’t negate the fact that what he said in response absolutely was rapey.

I don’t understand what anyone gets out of trying to say it wasn’t.

Again - it wasn’t actual rape (clearly). It was rapey.

@JenWillsiam maybe it wasn't such a good comment but it did look funny. Probably wouldn't have any other time but he was standing over me so it was about 30cm from my eyes.

@NeverDropYourMooncup yes I think I'm safe. Although am going to be putting door wedge thingy in door again tonight and for the foreseeable future.

Spoke to him about it this morning. Apparently he felt horny and that was his way of seducing me. I pointed out that for the vast majority of women that wouldn't be a turn on, and he laughed. He genuinely thought it was funny.

Because I don’t agree it was. There’s no mention of consent or force.

It wasn’t appropriate or funny.

Yes - there was.

No. There was not.

@Namechange1000035 - the relationship is over, is it not?

How can you live with someone who you dislike, and who clearly dislikes you so much?

Do you have friends and family nearby?

Ive already posted this - but here you go again -

‘Fighting the urge’ to ‘repeatedly’ ‘stab’ her somewhere she once had sex and hated, when they’re on bad terms and so it can in no way be perceived as some sort of consensual come-on, is the very definition of ‘rapey’.

Force and no consent.

I can't live with it. That's why I'm getting him out.