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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is revolting?

181 replies

Namechange1000035 · 09/07/2023 22:48

Just had this conversation with my husband. For context, things are dire between us, he's been on the sofa for 6 months because 'it helps him sleep better', and he's onto his 3rd drink of the night. He came into the kitchen with just a towel on and because I was sat down, his belly button was right in my eyeline. It's quite big and round, not quite an inny or an outy.

Me: "I'm fighting the urge to draw an eye on your belly button."

Him: "I'm fighting the urge to grab you, bend you over the table and stab you repeatedly in your brown eye."

AIBU to think he's being revolting?

OP posts:
WhiteFire · 09/07/2023 23:17

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 09/07/2023 23:14

This won't go down well with middle class mumsnet, joke or not.

I'd hope it wouldn't go down well anywhere.

Objecting to VAWG does not make one a MC pearl clutcher (which I presume you were implying)

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/07/2023 23:18
Hmm
TakeMyStrongHand · 09/07/2023 23:19

Sorry does he mean stab with his penis or a knife?

If his penis, I'm assuming it would be with consent rather than anal rape?

Only you two know where your dark humour line is, not a mixture of pearl clutchers and whoever else.

It's a vile way to say it for me with words like stab and brown eye but would it have been any better if he said poke and where you poo from? Prob not.

LakeTiticaca · 09/07/2023 23:19

I often tell DH he needs a Cork shoving up his arse when he's been farting 🤣

Hawkins0001 · 09/07/2023 23:20

Holy trinity

AWOL66 · 09/07/2023 23:22

Another story to add to the list of things that didn't happen

PietariKontio · 09/07/2023 23:23

I think within the context of the current state of your relationship, and the way it escalated from something quite silly to something very dark, then it's pretty. Having said that, we obviously don't know the full range of humour you and your DH have swapped in the past, and whether your shared humour would have included that. I'd guess not, but I wouldn't assume.

My wife and I have shared jokes/banter with each other that has descended in to dark stuff, which is funny because it's wrong, because it's so out of character for us and because we're in a solid relationships with trust. In black and white, a transcript of one person saying it to another, ignoring the tears of laughter and the back and forth, and not knowing context, then it would look awful.

It seems more likely that either drink, bitterness and/or a low mood has either consciously or unconsciously removed his filter if this is new behaviour for him. I think ultimately then it's not really about the joke but the fact, as you say, that things are dire and this is just another symptom of that.

PietariKontio · 09/07/2023 23:24

Pretty wrong

Thoughtful2355 · 09/07/2023 23:52

Love how people just that it's about rape. Nowhere did he mention he would do it without consent -_-

If I tell my husband " seeing you makes me want to rip your clothes off and ... Do anal with you" am I saying I want to rape him? Yes what he said what a wierd and disgusting way to put it but I wouldn't say he meant it as he wanted to anally rape someone -_-

miniegg3 · 09/07/2023 23:59

I don't think it's as deep as most of you are making it out to be..

LordSalem · 10/07/2023 00:07

I can see how this could be dark humour banter from him in response to your silly banter. Does he usually go for dark humour or was this out of the blue? If it was then get him gone.

JudgeRudy · 10/07/2023 00:11

Pickitupdear · 09/07/2023 23:10

You often joke to your husband that you’re fighting the urge to anally rape him?

Show quote history

My ex used to say he was gonna kick me in the kidneys....in a Cockney snarl....we both took it as a joke.

unsync · 10/07/2023 00:12

Why are you still together?

Northernsouloldies · 10/07/2023 00:16

An eye for a eye... Sorry couldn't resist. I think he was clearly joking but seeing it in print isn't great.

KingTriton · 10/07/2023 00:31

Northernsouloldies · 10/07/2023 00:16

An eye for a eye... Sorry couldn't resist. I think he was clearly joking but seeing it in print isn't great.

GrinGrinGrin

Yeah not the nicest exchange but maybe he just got overly sensitive about your belly button comment and saw red (or brown)

NSA2103 · 10/07/2023 00:34

Hmm, he's definitely not a keeper.

DramaAlpaca · 10/07/2023 00:46

I'm channelling my teenage niece here: ewwww!

Titfortat78 · 10/07/2023 00:53

Only thing I can think of is anal sex.🙈😳

Unknownunknowns · 10/07/2023 00:58

RudsyFarmer · 09/07/2023 23:05

I thought ‘stab’ was meaning knife. Did he actually mean anally rape you?!

Omg, I'm so naive! I thought he actually meant stab her in the eye.
Not sure which is worse.
It's an awful way to speak to you, unless it's part of foreplay you enjoy? But it doesn't sound like it.

MardiMoo · 10/07/2023 01:09

Anyone that responds to your innocent comment about his belly button by saying he basically wants to ‘f**k your chocolate starfish’ is just being gross…really

Twiglets1 · 10/07/2023 01:15

Mills & Boon are on the line… they want to use his words for a new book they’re writing

10HailMarys · 10/07/2023 01:18

You both sound obnoxious.

MardiMoo · 10/07/2023 01:19

@Twiglets1 - “All for the Love of Her Brown Eye” - a further Captain Darling and Lady Victoria adventure. 😀

Alstoybarn · 10/07/2023 03:24

Seems like a lie

DogbertMcDogglesworth · 10/07/2023 03:32

miniegg3 · 09/07/2023 23:59

I don't think it's as deep as most of you are making it out to be..

Arf, particularly not in her balloon knot.

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