Self-catering holiday: an oxymoron

[RumAndReisling]

Whose idea was the self-catering holiday?

I am ‘fortunate’ to have access to a holiday cottage. We go every year.

But… there are no restaurants. So I have to produce three meals a day - more, as I have young children. Snacks.

If I don’t produce the meals, no one else will. Sandwiches for every meal.

Sometimes I go on strike and will refuse.
But then… I’ll go to make a piece of toast and DH will appear ‘oh I’d love a sandwich too’.

The entire holiday then revolves around planning, shopping, food preparation and washing up. Or I’m pissed off because I’m hungry but if I try to feed myself I’ll end up
having to produce food for others. Every morning starts with having to tidy the house and kitchen - normally a weekend-only activity.

The most irritating part of this is that I work full time - so normally I am at most responsible for one meal a day.

I cannot be the only person who feels this way. I want to eat three meals a day in restaurants and pay someone else to wash up.

Not true. Me and DH have always loved self catering holidays and until a couple of years ago we both worked full time. I was out of the house from 7.30am until 7.30pm.

We both enjoy cooking and don't really see washing up as such a chore. We don't have a dishwasher. Did have one for a couple of years but once it broke never thought about replacing it.

Yes we visit a self-catering cottage once a year because I like to do things my husband likes too - that’s part of being in a relationship.

But you don't? 😂 Because you've spent the ENTIRE thread saying how much you dislike it and don't want to do it? Even going so far as you say that even preparing ONE meal on holiday is far too much and you wouldn't enjoy it then either?

If you're going on other holidays where this isn't the case (you've not answered that question, so I assume you do other things too) then I think you're unreasonable for not going on this one that DH and kids love and making it as EASY as possible for yourself.. NO ONE goes on a SC holiday to thoroughly clean every day, cooks three times a day, do all the chores yourself without getting your Husband to help, and lets the 'entire holiday revolve around those things' ... It seems to me from reading your posts that you go on that one holiday, make it purposely difficult for yourself, so you can then be a martyr to justify going 'on strike' from doing these unnecessary things just to prove a point that you don't like doing any of it and don't enjoy the holiday at all anyway?

Going back to your statement above, It doesn't sound to me like you LIKE to do things your husband likes at all, it sounds to me like you BEGRUDGE doing things your husband likes.

what are you doing all day, that you are actually in the cottage for all these meals? Do you sit inside watching tv. Don’t you go outside or on trips

Yes of course he does stuff to help.

Including cooking, washing up etc. As in many relationships however we have different standards and so yes I typically end up doing more - in pretty much all relationships I know the ‘mum’ seems to take on vastly more responsibility in terms of housework, catering etc.

@user1471554720 I agree people are being quite obtuse. It can’t be so surprising someone doesn’t want to go on holiday to then have to do domestic tasks. ‘It’s only a couple of hours a day’ - I don’t get much time off, a couple of hours a day on chores is really how I’d opt to spend that time.

mydogisthebest

The key is that you have another adult with the same mindset as yourself. If you had to nag dcs to keep the place tidy, no walking arpund with sandy feet, using multiple towels, spilling sticky drinks etc it would not be so relaxing.

So you go to this incredibly remote cottage and never leave it until the day you leave? That's the problem. That and your lazy AF DH.

We SC now we've got kids, we have breakfast at the cottage, tidy up and then go out for the whole day, getting home for bedtime. If we're going to a theme park or zoo I'll make a picnic but otherwise we do to pubs or coffee shops. We might have a quick evening meal there a couple of nights - maybe takeaway or a pizza and salad, nothing that takes more than 15 minutes to cook or 15 minutes to clean up.

Lots of suggestions given here OP - but how much of it do you want to take on board?
When you say that if you don't prepare it - then no one will - is your ideal opportunity to teach your kids how to do stuff for themselves. Yes, they will make a mess but it sounds like you would have to clear it up anyway. Your DH could do this too. If you all prepare a tray of sandwiches for example they can stay covered and in the fridge until they are hungry - and can then help themselves.
There's not a lot wrong with PPs suggestions of paper plates/cups to save on washing up - either that or mason jars for each person with their own drink in and carry around with them all day.
Menu planning is your friend here - along with DH cooking too - even if you shove him outside with the BBQ! You could have a BBQ each evening with a different meat each night along with salad/veg/cous cous/Uncle Bens' Rice - no mess indoors - and DH is contributing.
If you really don't want to prepare food for everyone then take shop bought ready made meals for everyone and cook those in the oven each night. Too bad that you have not prepared it - it's a meal and you are on holiday too.
You have the wherewithal to make changes - but do you really want to? You can make this as easy or as hard as you like but that's down to you!!

Sounds like you’ve facilitated the problem.

People aren’t being obtuse though are they? They’re simply pointing out that there are much easier and more enjoyable ways to do SC. OP is actively choosing to do this and then complaining about it while dismissing all suggestions that could improve the experience for her.

If you choose to relocate to the arse end of nowhere, to a property with fewer facilities than you have at home, where you will still be required to somehow provide three meals a day for your family and do all the bloody housework then yes it’s going to be a pan in the arse . The mistake is calling this “a holiday”. If you want an all inclusive holiday then book that!

Ditto. I don't think working full time has anything to do with it. We genuinely prefer self catering over staying in hotels and we both work full time.

I think bigger factors are:

Do you share the cooking and washing up

Do you have the budget for nice convenience food to make it easy

How much you like restaurants - we have a tricky combination of dietary requirements/allergies that TBH make it easier to self cater

How much you like cooking

How much you value the space

I totally get why the OP isn't enjoying it - but her DH would likely be a twat in any location - but it's totally possible to enjoy self catering in general

I don’t like self-catering holidays. Yes we visit a self-catering cottage once a year because I like to do things my husband likes too - that’s part of being in a relationship.

It's comment's like this that make you sound a martyr. Why doesn’t your husband want you to have a holiday that you like? Is he not committed to your relationship?

I think it just doesn't suit you. A young family, including a mum that's already sick of cooking and cleaning for everyone all the time - it's not going to be a break. But a group of child free adults who aren't sick of cooking, all pitching in together, it can be a pleasant experience and comes with perks such as privacy and shared living spaces that a hotel doesn't have.

See, I think it's really helpful to do self catering with young children - our kids don't sleep well if we're all in one room and it's a real pain as well. Even interconnected rooms in a hotel isn't great. If we do self catering, they can have separate rooms and it's also nice to have some living space to relax in after the kids are in bed. And means we don't all have to eat at the same time.

Not saying this has to be how everyone feels but for me these pros outweigh having to do a bit of washing up

But then… I’ll go to make a piece of toast and DH will appear ‘oh I’d love a sandwich too’.

The obvious answer is to say "Great, while you're making it, sort out my toast too".

Self catering is ok if you are going out for a lot of meals! But I don't do it anymore for exactly your reasons. We are away this week for a couple nights and no way would I book an Airbnb - I want someone else to do the cooking and washing up and making the beds thanks.
I think you need to insist on a different type of holiday next year as it's no holiday for you.

See, I think it's really helpful to do self catering with young children - our kids don't sleep well if we're all in one room and it's a real pain as well. Even interconnected rooms in a hotel isn't great. If we do self catering, they can have separate rooms and it's also nice to have some living space to relax in after the kids are in bed. And means we don't all have to eat at the same time.

Yes, I've only ever done self catering too with kids. It's often good for the kids, but what I meant was it's less likely to feel like a break for the parent. Somebody that feels tied to the kitchen sink at home is likely to crave a holiday where all that is done for them!

That's just tidying the kitchen. You said you tidied the house.

Yup l am with you totally and have refused all self catering holidays since having DC 17 years ago as my DH will never help at all.
We go to where there are restaurants of fully inclusive.
I never stop being shocked how much rare free time l have on those holidays!

Fully agree you have a lazy husband issue. He's setting an appalling example to your children too. Don't let them grow up thinking women should do all the catering chores.

However if the family holiday cottage doesn't work for you then don't go.

Book somewhere with cafes and restaurants nearby and one with a dishwasher. That's pretty much standard equipment now.

I think you're going about self catering wrong, in that you are producing 3 meals a day. I love a self catering apartment/lodge because I like having a fridge and the ability to stay in and eat if we want to or have a snack available, but we don't cook meals.

We usually stop at the nearest supermarket to the location, get stuff like

• breakfast - croissants, yoghurt, fruit , no cooking needed just put on plate and eat.

• lunch - fresh bread, sliced cheese, deli meats, packaged salad, ready boiled eggs from the sandwich bit, satay sticks, fruit, butter, jam . Put it all in a cold bag if planning a picnic or on the table for everyone to help themselves.

• dinner - either go out, order in or buy some ready prepared stuff that just needs heating up - Mac n cheese with garlic bread, pizza, lasagna, pasta bake, spatch-cocked chicken with potatoes.

I never make any food that takes longer than 5 minutes to either plonk on the table or shove in the oven.

Snacks are fruit, veg, packets of crisps, fruit snack packs, boiled eggs etc stuff that just needs picking up and eating no preparation required.

If we're there several days then I just factor in a stop at a shop that sells fresh bread/pastries every day or so to top up supplies.

Self catering is absolutely fine as long as you’re near a pub and aren’t married to a knob end.

TBH I don't find any holiday with my children really feels like a proper break... But for me at least lack of sleep is the worst so I will always choose the accommodation that gives us all the best sleep

So book a hotel or a cottage near proper facilities next time! Don't be a martyr.... it's easily within your control to resolve this, OP.

@RumAndReisling You could be a bit cheeky. On the day you leave have a terrible headache. Pack up your stuff and say you must sit down for a bit. Leave all the cleaning for your DH. He will most likely do a rubbish job. His family won’t let you use it again. Problem solved.

I understand how it is. It’s frustrating and you feel like you never get a break. The cleaning up and cooking is never ending. Even with a bit of help it’s still a lot. There is no other solution than just not going.

There are self catering holidays as adults and there are self catering holidays with children. Any holiday with children always seemed like domestic life but just in a different setting. With none of the safety gates etc of home. Holidays become more relaxing again when they are older and when you choose locations with food options you can order.In your case your children will become more independent. Your holiday home will still be where it is and your husband will still be a lazy arse.