Self-catering holiday: an oxymoron

[RumAndReisling]

Whose idea was the self-catering holiday?

I am ‘fortunate’ to have access to a holiday cottage. We go every year.

But… there are no restaurants. So I have to produce three meals a day - more, as I have young children. Snacks.

If I don’t produce the meals, no one else will. Sandwiches for every meal.

Sometimes I go on strike and will refuse.
But then… I’ll go to make a piece of toast and DH will appear ‘oh I’d love a sandwich too’.

The entire holiday then revolves around planning, shopping, food preparation and washing up. Or I’m pissed off because I’m hungry but if I try to feed myself I’ll end up
having to produce food for others. Every morning starts with having to tidy the house and kitchen - normally a weekend-only activity.

The most irritating part of this is that I work full time - so normally I am at most responsible for one meal a day.

I cannot be the only person who feels this way. I want to eat three meals a day in restaurants and pay someone else to wash up.

Yes… I think this probably the case.

I think it’s strange I’m being called ‘a martyr’ for not thinking it’s fun to go on holiday and still have to do all the usual domestic tasks.

You're being called a martyr because you're letting your husband do fuck all then moaning to people how you HAVE to do everything.

I hate being in hotels and B&Bs with mealtimes and other people to consider - self-catering every time for me. I get a pre-ordered supermarket delivery on the first day with lots of ready meals and salads, and I eat out quite a bit - not posh - just cafes etc.

You need to try a different self-catering place nearer civilization.

@RumAndReisling you're being called a martyr for putting up with it, not for thinking it's shit, of course it's shit, has anyone disagreed with that?

Isn’t the whole point of going on holiday and especially self catering to cool very little?!

When I go SC I go as others do to places where there’s takeaways delivered and nice restaurants etc nearby.

When DM was younger and did SC we had at least 2 fish n chips meals (dinner) a week, went to places that had trusted and reasonable (one place with a seaside pizza restaurant). That was back in the days when takeaways delivered especially on south coast were rare. Lots of bbqs (get DH involved) and pub lunches/dinners. all the latter is far more exciting than sandwiches, you help local businesses otherwise you might as well be at home. You can do chip butties (sandwiches) too.

Agreed with meals from Cook or find a SC cottage that’s near a Waitrose/‘M&S/Booths that’ll deliver pizzas and ready meals or very simple meals to there. Lots of local pubs and restaurants even if it’s in the back of beyond I’m sure will still deliver (post covid need the trade).

I don't mind SC, it's not the most relaxing and I prefer AI but there are ways to make it less stressful.

We have had use of a family holiday home for a few years, we go shopping when we get there - kids choose breakfast stuff that is easy - brioche, croissants, bananas etc.

We choose picnic stuff for lunches as we usually go out in the day - sausage rolls, crisps, frubes, juice cartons, etc. things that don't require plates and are a bit more of a treat than a term-time packed lunch. The kids love choosing what to have for lunches. Even if we stay in, we still have a picnic lunch.

Dinner we either get ready meals, or eat out. Sometimes I cook something quick like pizza. It's my holiday too, I'm not spending it cooking. They'll be fine for a week or so eating quick, easy dinners. DH and I share the washing up, putting the bins out etc. Your DH needs to share the load, he is not being fair at all.

Of course DH loves it if he isn't the one planning meals, cooking, and cleaning. A holiday should be a compromise at the least, not something that means 1 person will have a terrible time so that everyone else can have a lovely time.
We went SC last year in a caravan. I saved a lot of money so that we could eat out, get takeaways, and buy things like olives and salamis etc. But the OH decided it was too much money to spend and insisted most meals were made in the caravan. He and one of the DC like cooked breakfasts. I certainly was not making one every day, I was thinking toast and cereals.
So guess who ended up doing the cooking? It certainly wasn't me. I spend much of my life cooking and cleaning, and I wasn't about to be doing that on my first holiday in over 10 years.
You have access to the holiday cottage, but it doesn't mean you are obligated to go there. Maybe visit on bank holiday weekends or something, but otherwise look for a holiday which is enjoyable for you all.

Three meals a day are they eaten at the cottage or do you take picnics out?
I don't drive but I couldn't be stuck in the arse end of nowhere staying indoors cooking food all day. Just wouldn't happen.
Get dh on board or just feed yourself and the kids, they will survive on cold foods and simple stuff for the duration. Dh loves the destination because you are picking up the slack with everything else.
Stop, and I mean this nicely, being a martyr to the cause.

Your Dh needs to make his own sandwiches. We always go somewhere with restaurants & takeaways nearby. No way would either of us be making 3 meals a day on holiday.

To the people who said 'it is either self catering or no holiday at all'.

My mother always worked full time and we would go on daytrips for our 'holidays' when I was a child. We went for a week in a caravan every 4 years outside of this. Now I know why we didn't have a sc holiday every year. She would prefer to stay at home rather than do sc.

When people work full time there is too much pressure put on a holiday. You expect the holiday to be relaxing. I found it more relaxing to have my holidays at home with the odd daytrip when dcs were young. We go all inclusive thrse days to a hot country every two years and my dcs are teens. I work full time and at least this way, I actually get a holiday.

Just split the chores up and go out to eat more.

So for example, one makes the meal, one tidies up after. Take it in turns to do a quick sweep up every day and go for easy meals rather than what we would have at home, think pizzas, etc.

If your dh isn’t sharing the load then put your foot down, either he does or you go somewhere else.

Does your husband do other things to compensate for leaving all the holiday food organisation and prep to you? Is he a whizz with DIY? Does he administer all bills and insurances? Does he book the dc into activities and appointments and take them? Does he clean and tidy up?

If not I'd put your foot down and book a hotel stay instead.

My dh is pretty shit with food prep but I love sorting meals. Dh will Tidy up.

Suggestions to get through this year:
Breakfast cereal is easy
Snacks are generally easy. It's not like you're baking your own cheese straws is it?
Lunch it's acceptable to have sandwiches or something on toast every day, or tinned soup.
Dh to sort lunches
Dh really does have to step up and clean up. Stop being a slave.
Dinners:
Pizza and salad (bagged/just wash some cherry tomatoes and slice cucumber)
Cook! Or similar do family style ready meals of decent quality. Take 7 of those and you're done. Boil some beans, Carrots, rice, pasta, heat some part baked rolls to go with, hardly onerous.
Pre-make a family favourite like chilli or curry and take it with you could do 2 meals at the start of holiday.
Cheese and bread and salad picky bits are a super easy meal.
Plan it out and shop accordingly.
Limit a top up shop to once mid week. All family meals for a week take up a lot of space in the car.

Surely you are doing day trips that mean you can get some takeaway or pub grub?

I know what you mean. I would rather stay home most of the time. I do get a bit of help from my DH.

And also being called a martyr because you're not responding to suggestions on how to make it easier .

I was totally YANBU at the beginning of the thread, but I’m a little bit YABU at the way you keep dismissing all the good suggests as still no good, as you want to do nothing re meals on holidays.

If that’s the case, then that’s absolutely fine but don’t go on SC again - it’s not for you! Go on an all inclusive holiday abroad, problem solved. Or find a resort holiday with plenty of restaurants or a hotel in the UK.

It does sound to me like a big problem is your lazy husband. Appearing at your elbow when you make a piece of toast should get short shrift “I’ll be out of your way in a minute, sandwich stuff is in the fridge” is all the answer that needs. Why can’t he make half the meals, do half the tidying up and half the planning?

Of course he likes SC because he gets to do none of the work!

How old are your kids? You describe them as “young” and they clearly don’t help, but I’m confused then as to how you can go on strike from their meals too.

I like SC within reason (also like hotels etc though - depends what we’re doing, where we are) and I’m a single parent, but we have meals out and get easy stuff in.

Major changes need to be had.
Divide up all chores. One person responsible for all floor and bathroom cleaning etc.
Buy paper plates and bowls so there is little washing up.
Allocate every one their own coffee cup.
Invest in a freezer at the cottage and have a caterer make up sandwiches and two caseroles which you take and put in freezer.
Take eggs, fruit and crackers and cheese.
All self cater for every breakfast.

Brain storm other ideas to reduce your work load and try them out. Hire a local cleaner to clean after you leave.
Don't do so much and live, read and rest in a messier holiday house.
You could also book a night away just for you at an hotel an hour away in the middle of the week.

It does kind of suck with young children OP. However, I am starting to enjoy it again now the dc are all above 12 and the budget isn't so tight. My approach now is we go to a supermarket en route to holiday (I don't even think about planning food in advance). Everyone then chooses and buys ingredients for one meal they will cook for the group, plus free for all on breakfasts, snacks and lunches. I ignore all attempts to involve me in decision making. We all wash up one night. Eat out twice and fish and chips once. Make own packed lunches. My dc even set up the recycling system last time we were on holiday and told me about it.

We like a hotel for a short holiday - eg long weekend, not longer than 4 days and self-catering for anything that's a week or longer. Reason being for a longer holiday we find it more relaxing to have our own space and schedule rather than have to be up for hotel breakfast, and don't want to eat restaurant food 3x a day for that time, it's too much. BUT with the caveat that would only stay in a self catering property with a dishwasher, and within easy walking distance (so we can have some drinks and not worry about driving, booking taxis etc) of some restaurants, so we can mix it up, eat out sometimes, maybe get a pizza in one night, hopefully BBQ a bit, and easy picnicky style lunches if in or eat out for lunch and something simple and easy if in.

I think I may have missed something here. You can afford to go stay in a hotel but because your husband likes the cottage you go there. Can’t he go with the children on his own and you go to a hotel? I’m sure he will have a rethink about how much he likes the cottage stay if he has to do all the planning and chores. Or just put your foot down.

Great I’ll leave everything out for you is the correct answer when your dh appears saying he’d love a sandwich.

Lazy food is your friend here. Breakfast is bananas, individually wrapped pastries or filled pancakes, single yoghurts.

All other meals eaten outdoors. Bbq or campfire hotdogs or lamb kebabs on sticks, chicken skewers, rip open a bag of prewashed salad ( top tip put salad dressing in bag, then shake, then plate, saves a salad bowl.) paper plates, bamboo cutlery. Pots of olives/ tapas type stuff.

Put Dh in charge of bbq. Kitchen stays clean, minimal clean up, you stay sane.

It always amazes me how unpleasant women can be to each other on this site.

I don’t like self-catering holidays. Yes we visit a self-catering cottage once a year because I like to do things my husband likes too - that’s part of being in a relationship.

Accepting that I have to do the washing up on holiday and think about feeding people, despite not liking it, does not make me ‘a martyr’.

My Dad bought a holiday home in France upon retirement. They soon realised that when they visit, they're doing more of what they do when they're home in the UK.
Gardening, general maintenance, shopping, cleaning, etc.
Granted they have a pool, the weather's usually good & there are plenty of restaurants nearby but they have started taking holidays to other places just to get a break from everyday life!

Do you go on other holidays the rest of the year?

Is your husband a lazy sexist pig at home too or just on holiday?

Do you have a spare room at the property? If so, you could use the money you are saving to pay for a cook who will take care of all the shopping, meal planning and feeding everyone.