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Original poster

Self-catering holiday: an oxymoron

209 replies

RumAndReisling · 09/07/2023 09:22

Whose idea was the self-catering holiday?

I am ‘fortunate’ to have access to a holiday cottage. We go every year.

But… there are no restaurants. So I have to produce three meals a day - more, as I have young children. Snacks.

If I don’t produce the meals, no one else will. Sandwiches for every meal.

Sometimes I go on strike and will refuse.
But then… I’ll go to make a piece of toast and DH will appear ‘oh I’d love a sandwich too’.

The entire holiday then revolves around planning, shopping, food preparation and washing up. Or I’m pissed off because I’m hungry but if I try to feed myself I’ll end up
having to produce food for others. Every morning starts with having to tidy the house and kitchen - normally a weekend-only activity.

The most irritating part of this is that I work full time - so normally I am at most responsible for one meal a day.

I cannot be the only person who feels this way. I want to eat three meals a day in restaurants and pay someone else to wash up.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 09/07/2023 09:57

I love self catering. But this a thread about you not me.

Don't go next time. Tell hubby he can go on his own with the DC but you are not going if you are expected to skivvy after him and the kids. It will be more of a holiday for you if you are home alone.

If this prompts a sensible conversation with him, then tell him what WOULD make it a holiday for you.

user1471554720 · 09/07/2023 09:58

I would agree with you. The people who don't mind self catering and washing up multiple times a day are either peoole who don"t work full time and or don't have young dcs. If ypu didn"t work full time you would have more leisure time all year round and would not mind a holiday being 'less relaxing'. Same with not having young dcs.

If you have to go, plan a day trip or two during the holiday amd eat all meals out that day.

sandyhappypeople · 09/07/2023 09:59

With respect, I think you’re being a martyr here for no reason tbh, on holiday is a completely different ballgame to home life, ALL adults should be taking equal responsibility for chores, many hands make light work and no one gets a free pass, if I cook on holiday or prep food, DH does all the washing up and tidying round. It sounds like you enable a pretty selfish husband, I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with someone like that full stop.

we both work full time, have a toddler and dogs we have to juggle, it’s a relentless merry go round of responsibility, so prepping food on holiday is NOTHING to me, I actual enjoy the minor chores that need to be done because they are super easy compared to what I do at home!! 😂

Also, we eat out a lot on days out for main meals or make ‘easy’ food if we’re in.. the less time spent on chores the better!

is the holiday home free/cheap?

chohiad · 09/07/2023 10:00

Well it's never going to feel like a holiday with a dick for a husband, sounds more like a prison sentence, wherever you are.

KnackeredBack · 09/07/2023 10:02

I'm with you OP. Although I can understand wanting to use a family self-catering place (cost etc) and your DH enjoying it (not surprised if he has a maid/housekeeper on holiday with him!), we banned them when the kids were early teens, as I'd had enough by then. It's like being in a house that is even less convenient than your own and then expecting 'the holiday' to appear even if you're doing all the same stuff. My DH does not expect a housekeeper and we both agreed, once we could afford not to only do S-C, that we'd rather save up and go every other year, but to a hotel instead. Your only choice here, if the family want to carry on with SC, is to agree on the 'who does what' in advance. Either than or you send DH on his own with the kids, if he loves it so much and you stay at home and do nowt.

thecatsthecats · 09/07/2023 10:02
  1. Your husband is an arsehole.
  2. Second previous suggestions: luxe ready meals, catering trays of sandwiches for a lazy day, fish and chips.
  3. Stop thinking about leftovers and whether or not there's enough bread. Just take an extra milk for the freezer and part baked loaves.
  4. You're a wee bit precious about the amount of effort involved, which is understandable because it all falls on you. But your general objections aren't THAT big a deal if someone - including the kids - ar sharing the load.
Aposterhasnoname · 09/07/2023 10:04

Don’t you leave the cottage at all for the whole holiday if you’re making three meals a day? There must be somewhere you can drive to with restaurants. Then the rule for meals cooked in the cottage is whoever cooks doesn’t wash up surely.

X6hfyib4ms · 09/07/2023 10:04

With all due respect OP you sound like such a martyr.

Your husband loves the location. Say to him that you're only going again unless he does half the cooking and washing up. Ready meals you're literally washing up a plate, is it really that big a deal.

Go out for the day and incorporate the main meal then just do bean on toast etc for the evening.

If he can't pull his weight then don't go. You really don't have to.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 09/07/2023 10:07

@Mumdiva99 totally agree. We usually go self catering and have a brilliant time. Hubby shares half the cooking ish, we have one toddler. Aldo if we really can't be arsed it's no effort to stick a pizza in the oven and open a bottle of wine.

Just been on a self catering holiday with my family. 5 adults and 1 child, shared the cooking and all the cleaning up it was done in no time x

user1471554720 · 09/07/2023 10:08

I know exactly what you are saying about bread and milk etc. At home you need to think about is rhere enough bread and milk. Young dcs would spill milk, get crumbs everywhere, which you have to clean up. You have to get enough food in that everyone will eat,. Dcs will say they eat X, you buy X and they eat all Y, leaving everyone short, and X is wasted.

I am sure with teen dcs and adults iit would be easier.

user1471554720 · 09/07/2023 10:09

I know exactly what you are saying about bread and milk etc. At home you need to think about is rhere enough bread and milk. Young dcs would spill milk, get crumbs everywhere, which you have to clean up. You have to get enough food in that everyone will eat,. Dcs will say they eat X, you buy X and they eat all Y, leaving everyone short, and X is wasted.

I am sure with teen dcs and adults iit would be easier.

5foot5 · 09/07/2023 10:13

Hmm. I have always enjoyed self catering holidays, even when I was working FT and had a young child. But:

a. My DH isn't a lazy arse. He is a capable adult and does his share of anything that needs doing.

b. We got to choose where we were staying so there was usually an alternative to cooking ourselves if we wanted to.

Have you tried telling your DH that if he wants to holiday there he has got to stop regressing to childhood and expecting "mum" to do everything. You will only go if he steps up.

Oh and if you agree to a week there (with him doing the work) you also get a week somewhere that you choose.

User1990C · 09/07/2023 10:13

Charcuterie dinners are the ideal scenario here. Buy local meats and cheeses, bake some bread as a family fun activity, buy paper plates and cups. As easy or as hard as you make it.

Or just don't go to the holiday home.

Mumof1andacat · 09/07/2023 10:14

Your problem is your husband being lazy not doing his 50% od everything including cooking and cleaning and your location which makes eating out and takeaways difficult

MostlyHappyMummy · 09/07/2023 10:15

Surely if it's a holiday your husband wants to go on and you don't, that either you don't go and he goes with kids or you go too but he does all the catering?

I think the issue is more that you are required to attend as resident nanny and cook.

Needcoffeeimmediatley · 09/07/2023 10:16

A self catering with young children does feel bit of a busman's holiday but I think your real issue here is your husband who's not pulling his weight.

I think you have a few options-

  1. Don't go there anymore, go somewhere all inclusive.
  2. Take disposable plates, cups etc and just chuck them after meal times - I know it's not environmentally friendly!
  3. Tell your husband the only way you'll go if is if he's 50/50 with household chores, meal prep and planning.
DelphiniumBlue · 09/07/2023 10:16

If you have to go there because DH likes it, tell him you are only going if he does the catering .
Or go via a supermarket that does ready meals and ready made sandwiches/ salads, find out about deliveries, and make sure you have days out to places where you can buy food .
It is really annoying, and it seems like whatever you do the responsibility is yours, so I think you do need to tell DH that unless he pulls his weight, you will not be going next time and he can take the DC himself. I suspect that one trip by himself with the DC will open his eyes.

itsspringtime · 09/07/2023 10:17

We have allergies to cater for so SC generally makes for a much less stressful holiday than a hotel holiday as we don't need to worry about cross contamination.

I plan in advance so I have easy options - eg take spice mixes so I can just throw a stir fry/curry/Mexican together etc. Bake in advance so I have biscuits/snacks etc ready to take. Batch cook and freeze meals at home and take for the first couple of nights.

Breakfasts - unless your DC are under 5 they can make their own breakfast which is one less thing to worry about.

You mention you hate the washing up - if your DH is useless at the catering side could he do the clearing up side? DP does all of that so even though I'm doing all the cooking as he does all the clearing up/washing up etc so it's nowhere near such a burden. And if it's a family house and there's no dishwasher then push to get one installed - I don't stay anywhere without a dishwasher.

You mentioned 'they' - do your DHs family stay with you as well? If so why aren't they helping?

aintnothinbutagstring · 09/07/2023 10:20

Do you not go anywhere whilst staying in this holiday home? Beach/city/tourist attraction? Where there are food outlets? Surely you don't stay holed up in the cottage tied to the kitchen the entire time. Take some nice ready meals/pizzas/quiche/tapas - and wine! We like SC - usually have more space, a garden, or outside space, and you can take all your favourite drinks/snacks. But I wouldn't want the same holiday location every year - that would grate.

PinkyFlamingo · 09/07/2023 10:21

Come on he could at least do the washing up!

nutbrownhare15 · 09/07/2023 10:22

In the circumstances you describe it isn't much of a holiday. However my husband does half of the work when we are on holiday so it does feel like one when we self cater. We buy food that is easy to prepare and usually eat out at least twice for lunch or dinner per week. Send him to the supermarket to shop for meals he can prepare next time.

WonderingWanda · 09/07/2023 10:23

I feel your pain op. I insist on posh ready meals and eating out for self catering and to be honest my idea of a real holiday is upmarket AI somewhere hot, not because I dislike the UK but for once it is someone else's job to feed everyone.

5128gap · 09/07/2023 10:23

We did nothing else when I was a child and did it a lot when I was raising my own DC. It was either that or no holiday at all. The way I saw it was I'd be preparing meals at home anyway, so it was certainly preferable to be doing that in a nice location with loads of nice things to do in between. Obviously it's not the relaxing break of an AI, but if it's all the budget allows, it can be made easier with simple cereal breakfasts, easy packed lunch, the odd fish and chip dinner or oven pizza and most importantly, by insisting any other adult in the family takes their turn.

ninjafoodienovice · 09/07/2023 10:24

You are so right - I used the 'same shit different location' argument with DH too, the worst is when there's also the added delight of no dishwasher either Angry

We now choose places that have cafes and takeaways within walking distance and a bloody dishwasher and everyone owns enough pants so that washing is also not required.

Being a family property and DH wanting to go there? I strongly suggest you tell him he is charge of all meal planning, shopping, prep and clean up. I wonder how often he's keen to go then. No doubt he had wonderful childhood holidays there whilst his mother worked her ass off

pinkyredrose · 09/07/2023 10:25

No more holiday cottage. It isn't working. Go somewhere else next time. Your husband may love it there (as he gets a rest and does fuck all) but you don't.