Self-catering holiday: an oxymoron

[RumAndReisling]

Whose idea was the self-catering holiday?

I am ‘fortunate’ to have access to a holiday cottage. We go every year.

But… there are no restaurants. So I have to produce three meals a day - more, as I have young children. Snacks.

If I don’t produce the meals, no one else will. Sandwiches for every meal.

Sometimes I go on strike and will refuse.
But then… I’ll go to make a piece of toast and DH will appear ‘oh I’d love a sandwich too’.

The entire holiday then revolves around planning, shopping, food preparation and washing up. Or I’m pissed off because I’m hungry but if I try to feed myself I’ll end up
having to produce food for others. Every morning starts with having to tidy the house and kitchen - normally a weekend-only activity.

The most irritating part of this is that I work full time - so normally I am at most responsible for one meal a day.

I cannot be the only person who feels this way. I want to eat three meals a day in restaurants and pay someone else to wash up.

@RumAndReisling are you being deliberately obtuse or is your comprehension genuinely this bad?

As someone else said. If they love it so much leave them to it and go on a holiday you do want to go on!

What is your financial situation OP? Could you afford to holiday in a similar cottage, similar area but somewhere close enough to village/town where you can eat out once a day ?

As others have said - it's about a conversation with your DH - if he really wants to go to this particular place where that's not an option, then he needs to step up and take his turn . And if finances mean there is no other option , then again, it's your holiday too.

I agree though , it doesn't sound much of a holiday . We always 'self cater' but in practice that means easy breakfast (or DH cooks), then either pub lunch out and help-yourself-bread-cheese-snacks for tea - or packed lunch and meal out in the evening. And a dishwasher is essential . I think holidaying with a very young child can be difficult, irrespective, but sounds like yours are a bit older?

But it doesn't have to be you who does all the washing up

Why doesn't your DH get involved with that?

I think your real beef is with him, not SC holidays

As you have had to do everything for the past however many years, tell your DH that if he wants to go next year he has to do all the planning, cooking and cleaning. You deserve a holiday for once! There is a absolutely no reason why he can't be 'you' next time.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

There aren’t restaurants nearby really. It’s quite isolated.

And - I already make it as easy as possible. Of course I do. As you might be able to tell, I can’t be arsed with it while on holiday.

But even with ready meals, cold cuts etc…. You still need to plan it, buy it, put it out, tidy up again…. Rinse and repeat.

I just personally don’t enjoy that when I’m on holiday. I don’t really see the appeal.

I prefer the flexibility of self-catering although we do eat out and get a lot of ready meals plus DH cooks too. It's interesting that people keep mentioning washing up because I don't think I've ever stayed anywhere where there isn't a dishwasher.

@RumAndReisling

Why it is an oxymoron? Self catering is making your own food, and that's what you're doing.

Send him on his own with the rest of the family and give yourself a break at home?

Do you actually know what 'oxymoron' means @RumAndReisling ?

Surely that doesn't take more than a couple of hours in total.

@PurpleButterflyWings

Its an oxymoron because it’s not a holiday to be having to cook and wash up all the time.

Why do you tidy the house every day? Does it really matter if it's slightly messy?

Ohhhh, sorry, I didn't get that. Sorry. Yep hardly a holiday if you are on your feet all the time. As pps said though, fuck it. Don't do anything. Only for yourself.

@RumAndReisling

Hello Fresh or Gousto boxes might suit you. All the ingredients you need for main course and nothing to bring home at the end

Does the house have a dishwasher?

We usually go to M&S or nearest big supermarket en route and get stuff for breakfasts and snacks , during the day out and about we have lunch and maybe pick up some fresh charcuterie and bread or ploughman’s ingredients and then in the evening it’s a very casual grazing selection. If I was intending to have ‘proper’ dinners it would be a case of buying a deal from M&S , pizzas one night , Italian ready meals and garlic bread another etc no way would I be cooking meat and two veg type dinners from scratch

What about the young children? Fuck them too?

Because you produce a lot of mess as a family when cooking all your meals at home, and it’s unhygienic to not clean it up daily?

So there are glasses and pans available when you need them?

So the kitchen counter is clean enough to prepare food on?

I agree with you - instead of cooking and cleaning at home, you do it elsewhere!

DH knows that I hate self catering holidays so we only go on them on the condition that he does all the cooking, which to be fair he does!

Do you stay at the cottage the whole time or do you go out and about?

Why not stop on the way there and pick up food for the week. Make it really easy and limit the amount of washing up. Unless your children are very very young then they can help tidy after themselves.

I would do the following.

Breakfasts - choc chip brioche, crumpets, pancakes, fruit, croissants, small cartons of juice, none of this needs a plate pop it on a square of kitchen roll and bin when done. This means that all breakfast options are literally pick up and eat. Unless the kids are under 2.5 they should be able to manage to get breakfast with little input from you.

Lunch - have quiche, pork pies, cheese, mini sausages, sliced meats, bread, crackers, fruit, salad veg like cucumber tomatoes, humous, chutney crisps etc. Again no real crockery needed either buy paper plates or put everything outbox a couple of plates in centre of the table a d everyone takes what they want.

Dinner - cooked chicken, bag of salad and a nice crusty loaf, pizza and salad, variation on the lunchtime with added olives etc, quiche with salad, jacket potatoes, buy decent sub type rolls and fill with cooked meats salad etc and have with potato salad and coleslawhave dinner out a couple of times even if it is just a chippy sat in a bench. Buy a disposable bbq and do sausages and burgers one night, eat off napkins no washing up.

The most important thing is to set your boundaries with your husband and be clear exactly how much you are willing to do. He needs to help with the planning, make it very clear that sandwiches 3 times a day for 7 days is not going to happen. No reason why can't do sandwiches a couple of times though. A decent sandwich with some fruit and a pack of crisps or biscuit is an ideal lunch.

People aren't trying to be nasty when saying you are being a martyr. They are just trying to show you that you don't have to do 3 proper meals involving lots of planning and washing up every day. You just need to have a proper conversation with your husband.

Stop going to the cottage! It’s not working for you

Yea, you are a martyr. Stop being so wet!

Get your DH to do half. Or don’t go.

It really is that fucking simple.

Dear god. Grow a backbone.

People are being deliberately obtuse. When you have sc, you need to keeo the bathroom tidy, no hairs etc, sweep floors etc as well as wash up. If a child is a messy eater you clean that up too. Being responsible for clearing up and tidying after the whole family is awful in a place which is not your own. In a sc, you are afraid if you spill a sticky drink and can't get the place clean. At least if you holiday at home you can lower standards at home, as nobody will be inspecting the cleaning,.

I am sure that if people don't work full time, they don't mind all this. I find there is great peace of mind in a hotel, not having to clean up toothpaste, bathroom hairs, wash towels. My dcs change towels often and can't be stopped esp paddling at the seaside. If they spill a sticky drink I only clear up in a basic way as rooms are serviced. I couldn"t relax in a holiday home unless I was there alone or with equally responsible adults.

This is before getting into the shopping, dcs changing their minds, eating this snd not that. There is a lot of food waste in sc as you have to buy a huge selection of things.

You don't save that much and I would need a holiday after it.

Sometimes I go on strike and will refuse.
But then… I’ll go to make a piece of toast and DH will appear ‘oh I’d love a sandwich too’.

That's a choice. I struggle to understand why you'd make a sandwich for a man who from what you've written in your post, does fuck all for you on these breaks? Is it the 1950s? You should be replying to that "when was the last time you made me a sandwich? Or even bought a loaf of bread and fillings? Step up for a bit, then I will make you a sandwich"

but if I try to feed myself I’ll end up
having choosing to produce food for other

Martyring yourself is a choice. Sounds miserable.

Does your DH do anything to help?