Page 8 | Would this stop you from dating someone/ give the ick?

Rossannah · 2023-07-08T21:04:11+00:00

Sorry for the title, I didn't know how else to word it. I'm 38, single and have late primary aged children. I know this guy, have known him for a while and last night at an event got chatting. Prior to this, I knew very little about him, just to say hi. After we got chatting, I realised I was very attracted to him, he's not my usual type physically but is really nice looking, funny and completely different to my previous preconceptions about him. We flirted all night and he asked if we could go out just the two of us (a date?!) We have texted all day, very flirty and I was really looking forward to it. I facebooked him. His profile is kind of semi private, there is info there. He is 33. There is a profile picture of children, 6 of them, they look aged between 2 and 14, it was uploaded in March. Don't know if it's old or not. He has an new photo uploaded 2 weeks ago. Of a new baby. Brand new. From the comments and further digging, this is his grandchild, born 3 weeks ago. We have not talked specifics about children other than, yes we have them. I don't know why but it has knocked me right off him. I don't know now if the youngest (2year old) in the profile photo is his child or grandchild. I don't know how many children are his, how many mums etc. It just looks so chaotic now and not something I want to get involved with. But I really like him. I'm pretending to be asleep so I don't have to answer him but we were supposed to be going for Sunday lunch tomorrow Would this put you off a person?

Bemyclementine · 09/07/2023 13:05

I'm not sure how I'd feel about this, that's a LOT of children if they're all his. I'd probably go today though to find out - have/are you @Rossannah ?

Leverageup · 09/07/2023 13:10

Not to mention whether he intends to impregnate ypu multiple times with babies he can’t afford/care for properly.

There is definitely a type of man who has multiple children with several different women, goes to the pub and talks about “sowing his oats”. There are rarely good parents

CecilyP · 09/07/2023 13:42

We’re getting a bit carried away here. It’s just lunch at the moment! One other problem, he might not actually be free despite living at his mums. I hope OP comes back!

noapologies · 09/07/2023 15:43

Putting the children issue to one side... the OP sounds too insecure to date right now.

It's not a criticism, it's more a case of 'takes one to know one.' She thinks this guys looks so much hotter than her, to the point where she is looking for some kind of reason why he would even go for someone who looks the way she does.

That kind of mindset isn't healthy, and it just makes your self-esteem worse.

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 09/07/2023 18:39

What did you decide to do?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2023 19:36

Notamum12345577 · 09/07/2023 07:54

Exactly.

Show quote history

Exactly. There's a Mom at school about to become a "Nan". She's late 30s. It's her step daughter, DH is I guessing about 8 years older than her.

Original poster

Rossannah · 09/07/2023 21:56

I went, we had an absolute whale of a time. He was so so fun and brought out a lot of the old me before my divorce etc. Such a charismatic guy.
All 6 children in the photograph are biologically his. There are 4 baby mommas. The new grandchild is his 15 year old's baby. He also has one other grandchild from his 17 year old. I did not see this from my snooping. But he has 6 children and 2 grandchildren. He is involved with them all and speaks of them highly. Has the younger ones regularly etc.
His life sounds chaotic and busy and dysfunctional. Absolutely not for me. But I really like him.

OP posts:

IncognitoMam · 09/07/2023 21:57

Wow 😮
Glad you had fun though.

marblesthecat · 09/07/2023 22:03

Are you going to see him again?

EmmaEmerald · 09/07/2023 22:08

OP "His life sounds chaotic and busy and dysfunctional. Absolutely not for me. But I really like him."

You can just be friends then, but I would guess even that would be hard work.

MummaEllie · 09/07/2023 22:11

Rossannah · 09/07/2023 21:56

I went, we had an absolute whale of a time. He was so so fun and brought out a lot of the old me before my divorce etc. Such a charismatic guy.
All 6 children in the photograph are biologically his. There are 4 baby mommas. The new grandchild is his 15 year old's baby. He also has one other grandchild from his 17 year old. I did not see this from my snooping. But he has 6 children and 2 grandchildren. He is involved with them all and speaks of them highly. Has the younger ones regularly etc.
His life sounds chaotic and busy and dysfunctional. Absolutely not for me. But I really like him.

I think maybe tell him you just want to be friends so he doesn't waste his time trying to date you.

Graceanddecorum · 09/07/2023 22:11

😮I would run for the hills, the 4 baby mamas is bad enough in itself but bloody hell, my partner and I are close to his age (my partner is actually older) but we are not even ready for our 1st baby, I cannot even imagine someone of our age being a grandparent! Ick

BodegaSushi · 09/07/2023 22:16

It would be a no from me. Wouldn't have even made it past the 6 children.

BodegaSushi · 09/07/2023 22:18

Rossannah · 09/07/2023 21:56

I went, we had an absolute whale of a time. He was so so fun and brought out a lot of the old me before my divorce etc. Such a charismatic guy.
All 6 children in the photograph are biologically his. There are 4 baby mommas. The new grandchild is his 15 year old's baby. He also has one other grandchild from his 17 year old. I did not see this from my snooping. But he has 6 children and 2 grandchildren. He is involved with them all and speaks of them highly. Has the younger ones regularly etc.
His life sounds chaotic and busy and dysfunctional. Absolutely not for me. But I really like him.

All of the red flags. But glad you recognise it's not for you. 'Chaotic' is an understatement

FromNowOn23 · 09/07/2023 22:19

Wow! What a set up!

45387pob · 09/07/2023 22:20

Bloody hell. Step away!

GarlicGrace · 09/07/2023 22:22

Well, he obviously likes children 😂 and is an involved parent.

Chaotic, though - yes, inevitably. Are you going to see each other again?

MrsTWH · 09/07/2023 22:25

This would absolutely give me the ick I’m afraid!!

toffeeappleglow · 09/07/2023 22:26

That would be a definite no for me (too many kids with too many women, not to mention the grandchildren at that age), but it's good to have all the facts and know you're making an informed decision, wherever you go from here.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/07/2023 22:26

I wouldn’t say “the ick” but it wouldn’t be for me.

I wouldn’t want someone who would either be so busy (if he’s a good dad/ grandad) or
not as involved as he should be.

I know 15 yos have babies sometimes but it did scare me a bit reading that thinking my Dd is almost 15.

Jobalob · 09/07/2023 22:27

Rossannah · 09/07/2023 21:56

I went, we had an absolute whale of a time. He was so so fun and brought out a lot of the old me before my divorce etc. Such a charismatic guy.
All 6 children in the photograph are biologically his. There are 4 baby mommas. The new grandchild is his 15 year old's baby. He also has one other grandchild from his 17 year old. I did not see this from my snooping. But he has 6 children and 2 grandchildren. He is involved with them all and speaks of them highly. Has the younger ones regularly etc.
His life sounds chaotic and busy and dysfunctional. Absolutely not for me. But I really like him.

You literally couldn’t make it up. I don’t think you could run fast enough. 6 kids 4 mums 2 grandchildren to young teens and he’s only 33 what a shit show.

would you really not bat an eyelid to a 38 year old with a grandchild? In my book 38 year olds have babies or primary school kids, I would be marginally surprised if they had kids at secondary let alone old enough to have their own kids

Scirocco · 09/07/2023 22:29

See those hills in the distance? Run for them.

Gothambutnotahamster · 09/07/2023 22:31

A definite no from me too - too much drama / opportunity for drama.

mildlydispeptic · 09/07/2023 22:38

Definite ick. I like a man who brings his own condoms and doesn't need to be asked to put one on. Something tells me this bloke isn't one of them.

PollyThePixie · 09/07/2023 22:41

Notamum12345577 · 09/07/2023 07:54

Exactly.

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My stepdad is 8 years older than me. My mum was 10 years older than him. He became a grandfather at 27. My mum was 37. 50 years, 14 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren later he’s the best dad and grandad we could have ever had.