Would this stop you from dating someone/ give the ick?

[Rossannah]

Sorry for the title, I didn't know how else to word it. I'm 38, single and have late primary aged children.

I know this guy, have known him for a while and last night at an event got chatting. Prior to this, I knew very little about him, just to say hi.
After we got chatting, I realised I was very attracted to him, he's not my usual type physically but is really nice looking, funny and completely different to my previous preconceptions about him.
We flirted all night and he asked if we could go out just the two of us (a date?!) We have texted all day, very flirty and I was really looking forward to it.
I facebooked him.
His profile is kind of semi private, there is info there.

He is 33.
There is a profile picture of children, 6 of them, they look aged between 2 and 14, it was uploaded in March. Don't know if it's old or not.
He has an new photo uploaded 2 weeks ago. Of a new baby. Brand new.
From the comments and further digging, this is his grandchild, born 3 weeks ago.
We have not talked specifics about children other than, yes we have them.
I don't know why but it has knocked me right off him. I don't know now if the youngest (2year old) in the profile photo is his child or grandchild. I don't know how many children are his, how many mums etc. It just looks so chaotic now and not something I want to get involved with. But I really like him. I'm pretending to be asleep so I don't have to answer him but we were supposed to be going for Sunday lunch tomorrow
Would this put you off a person?

Six kids? If this is true you must obviously cut all communication and have nothing to do with him. Either he’s providing for them which means he will never have a penny of his own—unless he’s a gazillionaire, or he isn’t, which means he is the kind of guy who has six kids and doesn’t provide for them. There’s no harm in finding out the facts I guess, but if they are as they seem, RUN!

There's always a risk. And I think it's pretty well established he ain't firing blanks.

No. You’re not unreasonable. Being completely honest, I’d feel slightly appalled. 😬

Sorry op yes it would put me off. Having dated a man with one child and a “difficult” ex wife, I don’t think I could cope with someone that had 6 kids no. It just seems so complicated!

I would like to see him again on a casual basis, he is so likeable, his personality is as attractive as his face.

Slippery slope. You’ll be funding a hoard of kids and ever-increasing wave of grandchildren born to underage kids before you know it. Awful.

Thank you so much for the update OP - doing the lords work.

Exactly that! I had my 1st child at 33. I don't understand the responses from some on here. And 4 mums in the mix? No, no and no.

I’m a nan aged 37, good to know I’m undateable now!

The 4 mums is the problem, not the fact that he was a teen dad.

Plenty of us had kids in our teens and early 20s. The fact that others wait til they're over 30 or 40 to have kids is neither here nor there.

I wouldn't want to be a gran in my 30s but let's not pretend it's a young age to be having your first lol

Well seeing as many on mn don't even try for a 1st until 35 i think 60 is still considered a good age to become a nan. Although personally I had my 3rd at 34 and def no more, if I hadn't had any I'd want 2 at 40.

My nan was a nan at 38. I loved it!

Once youve hot the ick youve got the ick surely ? Theres no way back

Four 'baby mommas' and not one of them good enough for him to stay with?

I mean, it's good that he is ivolved with all the kids, but what an attitude to women! Charm them, get them PG and then move on to the next!
How many kids will he have by age 43?😮😓

Pregnancy happens? It’s 2023 not the Fifties! Plenty of precautions available.

Surely you knew that ? If you have 4 x 4

I would go and ask the question. How do you know if some of these children are nieces/nephews from a family gathering?

Dear god, I wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole. 33 with 6 kids from 4 different mothers, a grandad to two and lives with his mum? Absolutely no chance.
I know some women here seem to think women shouldn’t have their own preferences and basically run a charity service that gives every man interested a ‘chance’, but I don’t. If you did, give it a few months and they’ll quickly be telling you you ‘knew what you signed up for’ if he starts expecting you to care for his children.

She already has, they’re all his from 4 different women. Plus 2 grandkids.

If he stayed with his girlfriend who got pregnant at 16, married them and went off to have 5 more children before going their separate ways, I wouldn’t be too put off. 6 kids with 6 baby mamas and now a grandad would though

I think you are making a lot of assumptions.

Could it be that he was married to someone who had children already and is therefore a step grandfather? Those children could be 25 and happily married!

Just go on the date. See how you feel about him - inevitably he'll mention his family and you never have to agree to a second date if you feel, for any reason, that he isn't the one.

Probably should have read all the posts before I replied

I don't think I'd get involved. To have had 4 relationships by the age of 30 that you felt were secure enough to bring a child into sounds like his judgement is off.

Plus I'd be wondering why they are all having children so young (if indeed this is a choice but you'd assume after 1 child has a baby you drill the others on contraception?!)

He's not be for me I'm afraid.

Also, OP, let's not forget he's 33 and living at home with his mum! I mean, fair enough there is a cost of living crisis going on and maybe he's saving up for a place of his own but the onus would always be on him going to your place. He could become a real cocklogder! And how is he going to be able to afford to date you, contribute when he has 6 kids and 2 grandchildren. The more I think about this, the more I think just block him. Ewww.

I also wondered if he was a traveller. I remember meeting a beautiful man years ago and he looked at me and said "The only thing that would make you more beautiful right now would be if you were pregnant". He went from gorgeous to creepy in a nano-second.

I love the comment about "sexual incontinence" - and strongly agree.

Even if he's not looking to be a cock-lodger, his good looks and apparent attitude would be a constant concern. Still, you need to meet up with him and find out more. I'm pretty sure you can't get pregnant through talking/drinking tea/coffee, and if nothing else you'll have a pleasant hour or more.

A single man with 6 children from 4 different women and 2 grandchildren (17 year old and 15 year old kids had kids), I couldn't EVER see someone like that as a potential partner.

That's a circus I'd avoid like the plague. PSA: His personality may APPEAR great now, but there's a reason 4 different women are no longer with him (it usually isn't something wrong/bad about the women).

Just because he SAYS things are good between him and his kids doesn't mean they ARE.

My father has children from AT LEAST 3 different women, avoids paying child support by changing jobs frequently, and only sees his kids until they realize they don't have to see him (abusers tend to have kids that never want to see them again). He tells every new girlfriend that his exes are crazy and that's why doesn't see his kids (he claims they cause parental alienation by lying about him).