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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this stop you from dating someone/ give the ick?

281 replies

Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:04

Sorry for the title, I didn't know how else to word it. I'm 38, single and have late primary aged children.

I know this guy, have known him for a while and last night at an event got chatting. Prior to this, I knew very little about him, just to say hi.
After we got chatting, I realised I was very attracted to him, he's not my usual type physically but is really nice looking, funny and completely different to my previous preconceptions about him.
We flirted all night and he asked if we could go out just the two of us (a date?!) We have texted all day, very flirty and I was really looking forward to it.
I facebooked him.
His profile is kind of semi private, there is info there.

He is 33.
There is a profile picture of children, 6 of them, they look aged between 2 and 14, it was uploaded in March. Don't know if it's old or not.
He has an new photo uploaded 2 weeks ago. Of a new baby. Brand new.
From the comments and further digging, this is his grandchild, born 3 weeks ago.
We have not talked specifics about children other than, yes we have them.
I don't know why but it has knocked me right off him. I don't know now if the youngest (2year old) in the profile photo is his child or grandchild. I don't know how many children are his, how many mums etc. It just looks so chaotic now and not something I want to get involved with. But I really like him. I'm pretending to be asleep so I don't have to answer him but we were supposed to be going for Sunday lunch tomorrow
Would this put you off a person?

OP posts:
GulesMeansRed · 08/07/2023 22:22

I would most definitely run for the hills. Partly the grandfather at 33 bit - yuk. Also the numerous children and potential step family stuff. Too complicated, too much drama.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 08/07/2023 22:22

Sorry. No.

MrsElsa · 08/07/2023 22:23

This is really childish. Go on the date, ask him about family and see what he says. Play it cool. You're under no obligation to go on a second date you know?

At least this can be good practise for the future when you will face stressful or weird situations 🤔

JMSA · 08/07/2023 22:24

I'd meet and take it from there. But for goodness sake, answer him if you're supposed to be meeting tomorrow.

Amispringy · 08/07/2023 22:26

The grandfather but would put me right off

Original poster
Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:28

I think I will go tomorrow. I am doing nothing else and I am intrigued to his story.
I think I feel a bit preyed upon tbh, he is lovely looking, like a model and I am thinking that he has had so many women and now has designs on me to be a cocklodger. If he was single and childless, he'd never have looked at me twice. Is he looking at my house and car and good nature and fat arse and thinking ill be grateful? 😔

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 08/07/2023 22:28

Yes that would put me off, I would probably go on one date to clarify the details, pay my half but say I didn't feel a spark if he asks for a other date.

TheChosenTwo · 08/07/2023 22:32

I agree, if you’re interested then go along and ask about his family set up (in general conversation obviously) - for me it sounds like it would have the possibility of being a but chaotic and depending on how I was doing at the time I’d be leaning towards bowing out at this stage.
Bit harsh to judge without hearing from hun directly though.

Saschka · 08/07/2023 22:35

He looked at the population decline and said not on my watch

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 08/07/2023 22:35

I would not want to date somebody with 6 children.

Saschka · 08/07/2023 22:37

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 08/07/2023 22:35

I would not want to date somebody with 6 children.

I wouldn’t want to date a grandad either 🤯

Hillcrest2022 · 08/07/2023 22:38

I'd just enjoy a fling with him but move on to find a life partner if that's what your seeking.

3BSHKATS · 08/07/2023 22:39

Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:28

I think I will go tomorrow. I am doing nothing else and I am intrigued to his story.
I think I feel a bit preyed upon tbh, he is lovely looking, like a model and I am thinking that he has had so many women and now has designs on me to be a cocklodger. If he was single and childless, he'd never have looked at me twice. Is he looking at my house and car and good nature and fat arse and thinking ill be grateful? 😔

You will find out very quickly. I dated an ex-footballer (good looking very low level league). about a year ago who was fabulous. It was all wonderful until he got back to my house that at the time was rented. It was an absolute shit hole and it was floor to ceiling with all my worldly goods from the previous house. You could barely see the floor or the ceilings for that matter. He quickly decided that that wasn’t going to work for him. And promptly moved in with somebody else less than three months later presumably her setup was more his cup of tea.

Dacadactyl · 08/07/2023 22:40

6 kids of his own by 33 and him not with the mum of the kids would deffo 100% put me off him. He would also need a great job to be providing for them all.

I wouldnt necessarily be put off by a man who became a dad as a teenager tho. I would want to know how much input he had in his child's upbringing. The fact his teen daughter also became a young parent wouldn't put me off him either.

But the 6 kids and dating thing is so offputting to me.

CantFindTheBeat · 08/07/2023 22:40

How do you know him, OP, what's the story?

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 22:42

GulesMeansRed · 08/07/2023 22:22

I would most definitely run for the hills. Partly the grandfather at 33 bit - yuk. Also the numerous children and potential step family stuff. Too complicated, too much drama.

@GulesMeansRed

what is 'yuck' about being a grandfather?

amprev · 08/07/2023 22:43

If you are very physically attracted to him and end up doing the deed, be sure to triple bag his johnson at the very least.

SquigglyGum · 08/07/2023 22:44

amprev · 08/07/2023 22:43

If you are very physically attracted to him and end up doing the deed, be sure to triple bag his johnson at the very least.

This!!

Original poster
Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:44

I have recently started a new job and met him there. He doesn't work there, works at a place we do business with. He is from the same area as me and so we have a few friends in common. I don't know him from before though

OP posts:
SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 22:44

Saschka · 08/07/2023 22:35

He looked at the population decline and said not on my watch

🤣🤣🤣🤣

That made me laugh too!!

Museya15 · 08/07/2023 22:44

Sounds like a chav!

Thepossibility · 08/07/2023 22:44

If they are all his kids I would be finished with him. Very ICK.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 08/07/2023 22:45

Curseofthenation · 08/07/2023 22:19

I would go and find out on the date. If it's true then I would run for the hills.

Agree with this. The curiosity would kill me otherwise.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/07/2023 22:47

Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:28

I think I will go tomorrow. I am doing nothing else and I am intrigued to his story.
I think I feel a bit preyed upon tbh, he is lovely looking, like a model and I am thinking that he has had so many women and now has designs on me to be a cocklodger. If he was single and childless, he'd never have looked at me twice. Is he looking at my house and car and good nature and fat arse and thinking ill be grateful? 😔

Dear God, the guys asked you for one date and you've already decided he's a loser looking to use you for your house. Now you're going just to get the gossip so you can turn him down but turn him into a story to tell your mates

Rabbitsandgerbils · 08/07/2023 22:47

Once you have the facts straight from the horse’s mouth about his situation, trust your gut about whether you feel he is genuine and whether you are comfortable with his situation whatever the reality turns out to be…

But don’t let your inner critic cloud your judgement. To him, you may have the most fabulous arse! Just because he is attractive doesn’t mean he’s ‘out of your league’ or ‘wouldn’t otherwise look twice’. You sound like you have a lot to offer someone OP not just a place to stay. Be careful but be kind to yourself (and to him - let him know you are meeting him tomorrow!).

Let us know how you get on!