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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this stop you from dating someone/ give the ick?

281 replies

Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:04

Sorry for the title, I didn't know how else to word it. I'm 38, single and have late primary aged children.

I know this guy, have known him for a while and last night at an event got chatting. Prior to this, I knew very little about him, just to say hi.
After we got chatting, I realised I was very attracted to him, he's not my usual type physically but is really nice looking, funny and completely different to my previous preconceptions about him.
We flirted all night and he asked if we could go out just the two of us (a date?!) We have texted all day, very flirty and I was really looking forward to it.
I facebooked him.
His profile is kind of semi private, there is info there.

He is 33.
There is a profile picture of children, 6 of them, they look aged between 2 and 14, it was uploaded in March. Don't know if it's old or not.
He has an new photo uploaded 2 weeks ago. Of a new baby. Brand new.
From the comments and further digging, this is his grandchild, born 3 weeks ago.
We have not talked specifics about children other than, yes we have them.
I don't know why but it has knocked me right off him. I don't know now if the youngest (2year old) in the profile photo is his child or grandchild. I don't know how many children are his, how many mums etc. It just looks so chaotic now and not something I want to get involved with. But I really like him. I'm pretending to be asleep so I don't have to answer him but we were supposed to be going for Sunday lunch tomorrow
Would this put you off a person?

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 09/07/2023 00:31

so many children yes that would put me off

and young children too if he was involved I’m not sure he has time for a relationship too maybe fwb

if he wasn’t involved is another no as I’m he is irresponsible

anyway a no from me set you bat higher for yourself

HRTQueen · 09/07/2023 00:31

*bar

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 09/07/2023 00:31

If he has up to 6 different baby mothers then if you end up in a relationship with him, you will inevitably be linked to them too. The odds that they will all be reasonable, accommodating, drama-free people are very low. That's from my own personal experience as a step mum and also from the many many many threads on here over the years where the ex is being difficult and everyone has to dance to her tune to avoid a row which will upset the kids.

You do not want to sign up for that x 1, let alone x 6.

The hills are that way OP!

QueenBitch666 · 09/07/2023 00:35

Shamelessly following for updates 😂

Mumtothreegirlies · 09/07/2023 00:41

I think some posters are being unreasonably harsh. Although (if he is a grandad at 33) his life looks complicated with all those kids, maybe just maybe he’s been a really great father, and his wife left him or died. Does that mean he should be condemned to a life of loneliness? Should a single women with 6 kids be condemned to loneliness too?
I think you should go on a date with him and ask these questions and reserve judgment until you’ve gotten to know him better.

Original poster
Rossannah · 09/07/2023 00:45

ukgot2pot · 09/07/2023 00:29

I personally could never get involved with this. I wouldn't even meet him as I wouldn't waste my time. But only you know if you can deal with him being a grandfather, and potentially having 6 kids. Does he seem to provide for them well?

I'm not sure if he provides for them well tbh. That's what I've been trying to work out. I know roughly what he earns based on what our lads in similar jobs do and I don't think it would be. If he takes home 2k, what does that work out per child once he has his own outgoings? Does it vary based on age? August is going to be an expensive month for him with uniforms and whatnot. Makes me sweat thinking about it. Not sure I want to go but they might all not be his. Heads blown 😳

OP posts:
IncognitoMam · 09/07/2023 00:53

People call me stunning and I've never gone for looks. He might not be shallow? But the kids/grandkids situation would be a red flag for anything serious. If you can handle just having fun go for it.
Be wary of him being a potential cock lodger though.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/07/2023 00:57

@SoSadForCav Boomboom22 so you're saying parents who have children, who had babies in their teens are all 'bad' parents.

Theres clearly a pattern in the family of having children very young. As a one off it’s one thing but starting to have loads of kids from your teens and being a grandparent at 33 is suggestive of an attitude to family where people are desperate to pop kids out at the first opportunity. So no consideration for career advancement or prosperity or security. No thanks, it sounds naff as fuck

SadAsHell · 09/07/2023 00:58

I'm a little confused how you can say he's not your type physically but then continually call him stunning looking

That aside, I think you are jumping way too far ahead. You could get to know him and realise his personality is not for you and all of this wondering and thinking has been a waste of time. See how it goes first?

Original poster
Rossannah · 09/07/2023 01:07

SadAsHell · 09/07/2023 00:58

I'm a little confused how you can say he's not your type physically but then continually call him stunning looking

That aside, I think you are jumping way too far ahead. You could get to know him and realise his personality is not for you and all of this wondering and thinking has been a waste of time. See how it goes first?

He is very very good looking, think David beckham in his day, Jamie redknapp, Mark Wright, I don't know who the moden day equivalent is 🤣
I am more normal looking, I would never approach a man who looks like him. I'm more a Tyrone or Kirk from Corrie kinda gal. I think he's completely out of my league. And I'm wondering why he has shown an interest in me

OP posts:
mrsneate · 09/07/2023 01:09

Ask him?

I was a grandmother at 38. I'm so glad my now dp didn't care!

SadAsHell · 09/07/2023 01:10

Rossannah · 09/07/2023 01:07

He is very very good looking, think David beckham in his day, Jamie redknapp, Mark Wright, I don't know who the moden day equivalent is 🤣
I am more normal looking, I would never approach a man who looks like him. I'm more a Tyrone or Kirk from Corrie kinda gal. I think he's completely out of my league. And I'm wondering why he has shown an interest in me

Show quote history

Wouldn't it be weird if we looked at our potential love interest (for want of a better phrase) and said "yes we are perfectly equal in looks" or "yes I am definitely punching..."... 🙈😅

fridaynight1 · 09/07/2023 01:11

The internet isn't real - I always knock 10 years off my age but if you met me you'd soon realise that. You need to meet him in real life and them make your mind up.

Original poster
Rossannah · 09/07/2023 01:14

SadAsHell · 09/07/2023 01:10

Wouldn't it be weird if we looked at our potential love interest (for want of a better phrase) and said "yes we are perfectly equal in looks" or "yes I am definitely punching..."... 🙈😅

Show quote history

Is that not what we all do though? I feel that couples are almost always of equal attractiveness and I am sure that studies have shown this too. Do you never look at a couple and think one of them is punching? Very infrequently as they are often equal. But it is nnoticeable when they are

OP posts:
PutinSmellsPassItOn · 09/07/2023 01:22

I wouldn't judge someone who had kids at a young age and stuck around tbh.......he's obviously in his eldest child's life which is rare for a teenage dad sadly.

If I was you I'd stop making ridiculous assumptions and just ask him.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/07/2023 01:23

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 09/07/2023 01:22

I wouldn't judge someone who had kids at a young age and stuck around tbh.......he's obviously in his eldest child's life which is rare for a teenage dad sadly.

If I was you I'd stop making ridiculous assumptions and just ask him.

But six? One is a mistake. Six is pathological.

Akushla123 · 09/07/2023 01:24

Following for updates!

Original poster
Rossannah · 09/07/2023 01:26

mrsneate · 09/07/2023 01:09

Ask him?

I was a grandmother at 38. I'm so glad my now dp didn't care!

33 though? It's so young. Many people are not even parents at 33 let alone grandparents.
5 years older is very different and had he been 38 with 2 children and a grandchild, I would not have batted an eyelid.

OP posts:
ASGIRC · 09/07/2023 01:34

3BSHKATS · 08/07/2023 22:20

Any children under the age of 10 puts me right off, but you need more information from the horses mouth.

OP seems to have children under the age of 10, so maybe lets not generalise on that.

DamnUserName21 · 09/07/2023 01:38

Hmmm, footballer-like looks (trouble!), young grandparent, may have 6 kids, lives at home with his mother.
Run, run, run.

MayThe4th · 09/07/2023 01:38

Bloody hell judgemental much?

man has picture of children on his profile and you have concluded without evidence that he has six children by six different women.

do you think a woman should be judged for having a baby at 16 or do you reserve that for men?

look at it this way. At least he’s involved 16 years on. Most men aren’t.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/07/2023 01:42

Rossannah · 09/07/2023 01:14

Is that not what we all do though? I feel that couples are almost always of equal attractiveness and I am sure that studies have shown this too. Do you never look at a couple and think one of them is punching? Very infrequently as they are often equal. But it is nnoticeable when they are

Show quote history

I don’t think this is true really, I know quite a few couples where by looks alone one is much more conventionally good looking than the other. There is more to attraction than good looks on paper.

ASGIRC · 09/07/2023 01:44

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/07/2023 01:23

But six? One is a mistake. Six is pathological.

Show quote history

But we dont know if he has 6 kids... Only that he has a profile pic with 6 kids in it!

ASGIRC · 09/07/2023 01:46

MayThe4th · 09/07/2023 01:38

Bloody hell judgemental much?

man has picture of children on his profile and you have concluded without evidence that he has six children by six different women.

do you think a woman should be judged for having a baby at 16 or do you reserve that for men?

look at it this way. At least he’s involved 16 years on. Most men aren’t.

And dont forget that he is only interested in the OP for her house. (Or something... cause otherwise, why would he be interested?)

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 09/07/2023 01:46

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/07/2023 01:23

But six? One is a mistake. Six is pathological.

Show quote history

The op doesn't even know if 6 are his.......she needs to stop being so odd and just ask him.

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