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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this stop you from dating someone/ give the ick?

281 replies

Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:04

Sorry for the title, I didn't know how else to word it. I'm 38, single and have late primary aged children.

I know this guy, have known him for a while and last night at an event got chatting. Prior to this, I knew very little about him, just to say hi.
After we got chatting, I realised I was very attracted to him, he's not my usual type physically but is really nice looking, funny and completely different to my previous preconceptions about him.
We flirted all night and he asked if we could go out just the two of us (a date?!) We have texted all day, very flirty and I was really looking forward to it.
I facebooked him.
His profile is kind of semi private, there is info there.

He is 33.
There is a profile picture of children, 6 of them, they look aged between 2 and 14, it was uploaded in March. Don't know if it's old or not.
He has an new photo uploaded 2 weeks ago. Of a new baby. Brand new.
From the comments and further digging, this is his grandchild, born 3 weeks ago.
We have not talked specifics about children other than, yes we have them.
I don't know why but it has knocked me right off him. I don't know now if the youngest (2year old) in the profile photo is his child or grandchild. I don't know how many children are his, how many mums etc. It just looks so chaotic now and not something I want to get involved with. But I really like him. I'm pretending to be asleep so I don't have to answer him but we were supposed to be going for Sunday lunch tomorrow
Would this put you off a person?

OP posts:
abitofbother · 08/07/2023 22:49

I would go and find out.. I was interested by another poster who replied saying maybe all 6 kids aren't his. Which js true as he could be very close to nieces nephews etc so I'd go just to find out otherwise u will always wonder

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 22:49

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 08/07/2023 22:35

I would not want to date somebody with 6 children.

@Forgottenmypasswordagain

why not?

there's nothing to say he has 6 children!

@Rossannah I think this says a lot about YOU. Your self esteem is pretty low! But you're judging him on your your amateur detective snooping. Stop sleuthing & start talking.

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/07/2023 22:49

Definitely go on the date, to satisfy curiosity if nothing else.
You will hopefully find out everything you need to know.
It's not my scene, but I do know people who were grandparents in their 30s.
The 6 children may not all be his. Nieces and nephews, friends kids?

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 22:50

Museya15 · 08/07/2023 22:44

Sounds like a chav!

And you sound absolutely charming.

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 22:52

Thepossibility · 08/07/2023 22:44

If they are all his kids I would be finished with him. Very ICK.

There's no proof he has 6 kids, but if he does, why is it ick? At what point does it become ick? 3/4/5/6???

Original poster
Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:52

SleepingStandingUp · 08/07/2023 22:47

Dear God, the guys asked you for one date and you've already decided he's a loser looking to use you for your house. Now you're going just to get the gossip so you can turn him down but turn him into a story to tell your mates

Show quote history

I've not got any mates

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 08/07/2023 22:52

Go and get his life story then report back to us.
If you feel the urge to have sex with him....take the pill...have the implant..get a coil fitted...contraceptive injection and make him wear 2 condoms.
He's obviously has excellent sperm 😉

Mamai90 · 08/07/2023 22:52

I wouldn't judge him for being a young grandfather, DHs parents were 15 and 16 when he was born and he's pretty wonderful so I don't judge anyone for having kids so young and at least it appears that he's stayed around, many young fathers don't.

If the six kids are with numerous women I think that would put me off. But at least give it a chance to see what he has to say.

StellaJohanna · 08/07/2023 22:53

Follow your gut. You already know how it's going to play out - you have said as much in your posts above. Never think "why not?" "I have nothing else to do". This is going out with a man, not picking up some embroidery! Why the hell would you waste your time. Next! Get one without kids and baggage - it's not that hard.

IbitebecauseIwantto · 08/07/2023 22:53

It would be a no for me. 33 and six children + grandchildren. Yuk.

tarnishedsilvercolour · 08/07/2023 22:57

I think you're overthinking this OP. Go out for lunch, hear his story and see how it goes. It might be as you suspect but it also might not be. Hope you have a lovely time. Let us know how it went?

Saschka · 08/07/2023 22:58

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 22:52

There's no proof he has 6 kids, but if he does, why is it ick? At what point does it become ick? 3/4/5/6???

Show quote history

For me about 4, but it would also depend on how many baby mamas he had, and whether he was supporting any of these children - 6 children with 6 mothers before the age of 30 suggests he is massively feckless, honestly.

It’s slightly different if you have multiple children in the context of a single LTR which has since broken down. 6 kids is still more than I would want in my life (which is why I don’t have 6 children), but that is more about personal compatibility than any moral failings on his part.

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 22:58

itsmylife7 · 08/07/2023 22:52

Go and get his life story then report back to us.
If you feel the urge to have sex with him....take the pill...have the implant..get a coil fitted...contraceptive injection and make him wear 2 condoms.
He's obviously has excellent sperm 😉

@itsmylife7

what? ALL Before Sunday lunch tomorrow???

😂😂

Original poster
Rossannah · 08/07/2023 23:00

I'm not sure which bit is bugging me.
6 kids with one wife- he has a good job and if they are all his, looks like he is involved
6 kids with 6 women? Not for me
A grandad at that age? Not something I would wish for but it is out of his control what his child does.
All together - It does sound chaotic and that is not something I have ever personally had in my own life and not sure I want to start now.
However we had such a good fun night and I would like a repeat of that. It is a bit clouded now though

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 08/07/2023 23:00

Wow really? These replies! Run run run, 33 had a baby at 16, continued to have kids with probably more than one mum and was such a bad parent the cycle is already continuing. Great grandad by 50! Awful. Def do not date him!

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 23:01

IbitebecauseIwantto · 08/07/2023 22:53

It would be a no for me. 33 and six children + grandchildren. Yuk.

@IbitebecauseIwantto

nope a PHOTO of 6 children. There's nothing to say ANY of the 6 in a PHOTO are his, let alone all of them.

AdoraBell · 08/07/2023 23:02

Ask him if has children.

MsFannySqueers · 08/07/2023 23:04

Ah I knew of one like that his nickname was ‘The Sperminator’.

45387pob · 08/07/2023 23:04

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 22:49

@Forgottenmypasswordagain

why not?

there's nothing to say he has 6 children!

@Rossannah I think this says a lot about YOU. Your self esteem is pretty low! But you're judging him on your your amateur detective snooping. Stop sleuthing & start talking.

Show quote history

Seriously? There are plenty of threads on here with people saying they wouldn't want to date anyone with one child, let alone potentially 6! Children are a massive issue, they are a priority, time consuming, a financial drain, a tie to an ex, need I go on?

alwaysmovingforwards · 08/07/2023 23:04

Jeez, he has children that have children...

That would not float ma boat.

CraftingMeaning · 08/07/2023 23:05

Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:28

I think I will go tomorrow. I am doing nothing else and I am intrigued to his story.
I think I feel a bit preyed upon tbh, he is lovely looking, like a model and I am thinking that he has had so many women and now has designs on me to be a cocklodger. If he was single and childless, he'd never have looked at me twice. Is he looking at my house and car and good nature and fat arse and thinking ill be grateful? 😔

This is a bizarre take and a bit of a leap.

You met via work, so he is working? You literally have no idea if he dreams of being a cocklodger?

Unless there is something I'm missing he has not said or done anything that hints he thinks you should be 'grateful'?

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 23:06

Saschka · 08/07/2023 22:58

For me about 4, but it would also depend on how many baby mamas he had, and whether he was supporting any of these children - 6 children with 6 mothers before the age of 30 suggests he is massively feckless, honestly.

It’s slightly different if you have multiple children in the context of a single LTR which has since broken down. 6 kids is still more than I would want in my life (which is why I don’t have 6 children), but that is more about personal compatibility than any moral failings on his part.

Show quote history

@Saschka thank you for replying.

other than 6 kids with 6 different women I'm still not seeing the 'ick'. Definitely incompatibility if you only want to be closely involved with a smaller number of kids, but 'ick' to someone having 6 kids isn't very nice.

there's nothing to suggest the children are his, let alone to 6 different mothers!

itsmylife7 · 08/07/2023 23:07

@SoSadForCav 🤔

CraftingMeaning · 08/07/2023 23:07

OP do you know if all the 6 kids are his?

Or could one or two be his and the others his nieces or nephews or whatever in a family photo?

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 23:09

Boomboom22 · 08/07/2023 23:00

Wow really? These replies! Run run run, 33 had a baby at 16, continued to have kids with probably more than one mum and was such a bad parent the cycle is already continuing. Great grandad by 50! Awful. Def do not date him!

@Boomboom22 so you're saying parents who have children, who had babies in their teens are all 'bad' parents.