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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this stop you from dating someone/ give the ick?

281 replies

Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:04

Sorry for the title, I didn't know how else to word it. I'm 38, single and have late primary aged children.

I know this guy, have known him for a while and last night at an event got chatting. Prior to this, I knew very little about him, just to say hi.
After we got chatting, I realised I was very attracted to him, he's not my usual type physically but is really nice looking, funny and completely different to my previous preconceptions about him.
We flirted all night and he asked if we could go out just the two of us (a date?!) We have texted all day, very flirty and I was really looking forward to it.
I facebooked him.
His profile is kind of semi private, there is info there.

He is 33.
There is a profile picture of children, 6 of them, they look aged between 2 and 14, it was uploaded in March. Don't know if it's old or not.
He has an new photo uploaded 2 weeks ago. Of a new baby. Brand new.
From the comments and further digging, this is his grandchild, born 3 weeks ago.
We have not talked specifics about children other than, yes we have them.
I don't know why but it has knocked me right off him. I don't know now if the youngest (2year old) in the profile photo is his child or grandchild. I don't know how many children are his, how many mums etc. It just looks so chaotic now and not something I want to get involved with. But I really like him. I'm pretending to be asleep so I don't have to answer him but we were supposed to be going for Sunday lunch tomorrow
Would this put you off a person?

OP posts:
SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 23:10

AdoraBell · 08/07/2023 23:02

Ask him if has children.

@AdoraBell they've already had that conversation. He said he does.

Boomboom22 · 08/07/2023 23:11

Yes. There is no need to choose to be a teen parent and hasn't been for 30 odd years. Seriously.

WetBandits · 08/07/2023 23:12

Just go for lunch and talk to him like a normal person? Confused

LadyWithLapdog · 08/07/2023 23:13

You all with the ick. What, you wouldn’t date Jacob Rees-Mogg if he was single, just because he has 6 kids? Double standards!

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 23:15

Boomboom22 · 08/07/2023 23:11

Yes. There is no need to choose to be a teen parent and hasn't been for 30 odd years. Seriously.

@Boomboom22 How do you propose a parent forces their child to have a termination and why would doing so make them a better parent than one supporting their child in THEIR decision??

SoSadForCav · 08/07/2023 23:17

LadyWithLapdog · 08/07/2023 23:13

You all with the ick. What, you wouldn’t date Jacob Rees-Mogg if he was single, just because he has 6 kids? Double standards!

@LadyWithLapdog there's nothing on God's Little Green Earth that would get me to date JRM, the number of children he has wouldn't feature in the top 1000 reasons not to date him! 🤢🤮

Sealover123 · 08/07/2023 23:17

I would be massively put off by the fact that he has 6 children by the age of 33 (high bets on that's with several different women) and the fact that one his children already has a baby super young. Not my cup of tea

Jongleterre · 08/07/2023 23:22

Is he from the traveller community as they have children at a young age?

Saschka · 08/07/2023 23:28

LadyWithLapdog · 08/07/2023 23:13

You all with the ick. What, you wouldn’t date Jacob Rees-Mogg if he was single, just because he has 6 kids? Double standards!

Yep, or Boris! Is it 9 kids now, by 4/5 women?

I cannot imagine why anyone would have the ick at that 🤣

LadyWithLapdog · 08/07/2023 23:34

@SoSadForCav 😂 sorry to put JRM in your head before bedtime 🥱

@Saschka exactly! Johnson still a massive prize in some people’s eyes.

Saschka · 08/07/2023 23:38

LadyWithLapdog · 08/07/2023 23:34

@SoSadForCav 😂 sorry to put JRM in your head before bedtime 🥱

@Saschka exactly! Johnson still a massive prize in some people’s eyes.

I suspect this is a “What first attracted you to multi-millionaire Boris Johnson?” situation.

LadyWithLapdog · 08/07/2023 23:45

@Saschka 😂that Mrs Merton interview is such a classic

Original poster
Rossannah · 08/07/2023 23:48

I don't know that all the children in the picture are his. I know people have their nieces / nephews on their profile pictures but I don't know of any men who do, I only know of women who do this. I have my nieces on mine as it is a lovely picture and I can see how people may think they are all mine 🤣 I can't see from a quick scroll through fb of a single man with children other than his own on his profile pic
He has told me that he is living with his mum at the minute and he is definitely single. I'm now wondering why he isn't seeing any of his children tomorrow though (if they are diff mums) as he has free time to see me. Also no mention of being out with them today come to think of it 🤔
Mine are with their Dad but they go every 2 weeks and I drop them at his sister's house who has them often when it is not his week and loves them as her own. I can't see multiple mums being so uniformly accommodating.

OP posts:
SpainToday · 08/07/2023 23:55

Jongleterre · 08/07/2023 23:22

Is he from the traveller community as they have children at a young age?

I wondered about this too

noapologies · 08/07/2023 23:56

6 kids by 33?

Honestly, I'd never enjoy sex with him. I'd assume he had some kind of magical sperm that no contraceptive could repel and be constantly worried I was pregnant.

The only thing worse than a man with so many children is a man with so many children who doesn't see them regularly and provide for them.

I just wouldn't. Even if he was the hottest man on earth, he just wouldn't be for me.

Original poster
Rossannah · 08/07/2023 23:58

He's not a traveller

OP posts:
reducethepressure · 09/07/2023 00:00

I just wanted to come on and say, if he has a few kids and you don't want that kind of life that is totally fine. But the grandchildren thing is kind of out of his hands. My mum has a friend who is high up in law and her and her husband life in a very nice area. Her children were raised well and her son still got someone pregnant at 15. It happens and doesn't always mean anything bad. But it's totally your decision to make whether you see this guy again

Sunsetandsunrise · 09/07/2023 00:00

It’s icky because it normally shows a lack of responsibility and wisdom to have 6 kids by that age if you’re no longer with the mother of the children. Yes things can go wrong after kids but Inevitably the story will be things were already bad or shaky in the marriage after child two but they kept having them 😌 and that’s best case scenario …if he had the kids with 2 or more women it’s even worse.

Him living with his mum sounds like he is trying to save money so he can pay for his kids and I wonder if her home accommodates all his kids? If he’s struggling to take care of the 6 kids he could well be looking for help in the shape of a woman.

RestingMurderousFace · 09/07/2023 00:09

Sexual incontinence is never attractive 🤢

LaffTaff · 09/07/2023 00:11

Rossannah · 08/07/2023 22:19

He is definitely 33, there are photos from his 30th birthday.
The baby is definitely his grandchild.
The parent of the baby is 15/16, although I am unsure if that is his first or second born, he was obviously the same age when he had his first.

Yes - ick city!

Original poster
Rossannah · 09/07/2023 00:11

Sunsetandsunrise · 09/07/2023 00:00

It’s icky because it normally shows a lack of responsibility and wisdom to have 6 kids by that age if you’re no longer with the mother of the children. Yes things can go wrong after kids but Inevitably the story will be things were already bad or shaky in the marriage after child two but they kept having them 😌 and that’s best case scenario …if he had the kids with 2 or more women it’s even worse.

Him living with his mum sounds like he is trying to save money so he can pay for his kids and I wonder if her home accommodates all his kids? If he’s struggling to take care of the 6 kids he could well be looking for help in the shape of a woman.

This is what I'm now thinking. I have a couple of spare bedrooms. I have a lovely house with gardens. He doesn't know where I live I don't think but he knows what my job is and could guess a salary I suppose and hazard a guess from there

I know it sounds a bit presumptuous but I would never in a million years have thought a guy as good looking as him would ever go for me. I'm not hideous but I look my age and I'm not exactly slimmer of the year. He's stunning tbh. You see so much on here of guys taking the piss so I'm just being cautious

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2023 00:15

Boomboom22 · 08/07/2023 23:11

Yes. There is no need to choose to be a teen parent and hasn't been for 30 odd years. Seriously.

So good parents force their kids to have terminations against their will? Or force their sons gfs to have terminations? Or good parents have sons who force their gfs to have terminations?

Saschka · 09/07/2023 00:18

SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2023 00:15

So good parents force their kids to have terminations against their will? Or force their sons gfs to have terminations? Or good parents have sons who force their gfs to have terminations?

Show quote history

Good parents make sure their sexually active children know about human reproduction and have access to contraception, yes. By the time somebody is pregnant, the ship has sailed.

ukgot2pot · 09/07/2023 00:29

I personally could never get involved with this. I wouldn't even meet him as I wouldn't waste my time. But only you know if you can deal with him being a grandfather, and potentially having 6 kids. Does he seem to provide for them well?

Boomboom22 · 09/07/2023 00:31

Good parents raise children who use contraception and if need be have an early abortion that the child chooses because they understand what a dreadful idea it would be to be a teenage parent.