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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hospital visitors 24/7 for non-native speakers

157 replies

mfhtoeh · 08/07/2023 20:25

My first AIBU but I’m curious as I think this could go both ways.

I’m in hospital on a ladies bay.
Visiting hours are 11am-7pm (minus restricted meal times).
There’s an elderly-ish lady that doesn’t speak English. She currently has 3 of her children with her (8.30pm) and her daughter and son have asked to remain on the ward with her 24/7. They asked for 2 blow up mattresses but were told no, but it was ok to stay in these circumstances.

I understand the language barrier is challenging. It also helps the nurses them being here to care for her.

However they talk alllll day and night. They don’t stop talking. The son uses the ladies only toilet etc. They also have the radio on at times.

Grumpy me just wants some peace and quiet. I want to sleep.

—

YABU - the lady needs her family

YANBU - you should be able to have privacy & peace and quiet outside of visiting hours and men using the ladies patient only toilets is unacceptable.
—

NB: She’s sick but not dying.

OP posts:
PPQ123 · 08/07/2023 20:27

I would contact PALS pronto, if having a word with the ward manager didn't work first.

She doesn't need people to interpret for her 24/7, you can communicate through Google Translate

UpaladderwatchingTV · 08/07/2023 20:28

I think you should make it clear to nursing staff that only the female member of the lady's family should be with her 24/7 for the purposes of translation, and that talking after lights out, is unacceptable, as is having the radio on. Make a fuss. You're sick too, and need your sleep to recover.

User17865 · 08/07/2023 20:29

It certainly doesn’t need 2 of them. They should be taking it in turns and keeping quiet as a minimum. If he’s there it should be daytime only, not when other women are trying to sleep. He should be finding a men’s toilet off the ward and having a bit of respect for other patients! I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.

IfYouDontAsk · 08/07/2023 20:33

Ugh that is so inconsiderate. As others have said, you need to be able to rest to aid your recovery. Definitely complain. I would be ok with ONE relative staying after visiting hours as I can imagine it would be pretty scary staying in hospital on your own somewhere where you didn’t speak the language, however that doesn’t give them the right to be inconsiderate of you and the other patients. They’ve been given the privilege of being able to stay outside of visiting hours so they should be grateful for that and show basic courtesy towards other patients- keeping their voices to a whisper in the evening and overnight.

The self entitlement of the male relative using the female only toilet!!!

carequalworker · 08/07/2023 20:35

No, this is completely unreasonable, all the more so if they're not respecting other patients' need for peace and quiet. Speak to Ward Manager, PALS won't respond you immediately and it sounds like it needs sorted now.

Tinkerbyebye · 08/07/2023 20:36

I would speak to the nurses and advise them they are talking and disturbing you, and that actually only one person should stay, it doesn’t need two

I would also complain about the use of the toilet, in fact i would go so far as to say i dont want the man staying on the ward

Original poster
mfhtoeh · 08/07/2023 20:39

Thanks. I was wondering if I’m just being sensitive as I’m tired and had a rubbish day. I’m glad I’m not being an asshole thinking they at least the son should go home.
Thanks

OP posts:
MissPoldark · 08/07/2023 20:39

YANBU at all

aside from all the other stuff, no visitors should be using the patient toilet on the ward.

CC4712 · 08/07/2023 20:40

No way- YANBU at all OP!

1 person at most- and generally not required all night to translate- when the patient is asleep. The talking and radio is unacceptable. Why isn't the man using the visitor toilets? Have you spoken to the charge nurse, ward manager, matron?

Beargrumps22 · 08/07/2023 20:42

As said Google translate and there may be a nurse of the same nationality. A lot of others are probably scared and would welcome someone with them too!

JayAlfredPrufrock · 08/07/2023 20:45

Totally unreasonable. I’d be bloody furious if I were you.

Ilikewinter · 08/07/2023 20:48

They are absolutely taking the piss and Id be furious in your position. But, I can guarantee that no-one will challenge them or enforce any rules. I'd speak to the ward manager and complain to PALS if its not resolved.

ithinkifeelaliveagain · 08/07/2023 20:52

I can see why they would let ONE family member stay in those circumstances but in a female ward that should be a female where possible. It’s really not ok for the the two of them to be there chatting all night!

Trollfeet · 08/07/2023 20:52

I was recently in hospital on a ladies ward. The partner of the lady next to me asked to stay and was told he couldn’t due to the fact it was a ladies only ward. I would expect your ward to have the same rule. Also if a translator is needed then one person is enough and the lady could stay.

Mapples · 08/07/2023 20:54

A man shouldn't be staying overnight on a woman's ward regardless.

blahblahblah1654 · 08/07/2023 20:55

No, men shouldn't be staying on a ladies only ward. Using the ladies only toilet is a cheek! I expect there's visitor toilets nearby. Fair enough it may be helpful for the female visitor to stay but they need to be quiet and respectful. Please say something.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 08/07/2023 21:01

I don’t think anyone should be allowed to stay overnight unless end of life is imminent.

Catusrusty · 08/07/2023 21:05

Only one needs to be there and there's no need for the radio or a man using the ladies.

However a dear friend of mine had just been in hospital. When I visited him the man in the next bed was playing videos on his phone loudly. No one could rest, it was awful and the staff ignored it.

He did this all night too except to make lengthy phonecalls on speakerphone. My friend was at his wits end.

I complained to PALS, as it was the weekend they were unavailable by phone. Only contact was by email. I got an auto response but never heard anything back.

Completely useless.

VaccineSticker · 08/07/2023 21:07

I feel for you - it is Unacceptable. To be honest the whole ward set up in the nhs is insane, being separated by another patient and their visitors by curtain is utter invasion of privacy and ( peace and quiet when you’re desperate to rest) it is pot luck who you end up with.

Original poster
mfhtoeh · 08/07/2023 21:08

Another daughter just turned up :/

The son’s phone is on loud and keeps ringing.

I would have more understanding/compassion if she was having her last rites but the consultant earlier said all tests were fine (you hear everything as just curtains between beds). The patient (mother) is up and about on her feet going to the toilet independently & doesn’t need help.

I might leave it til lights out after the last meds round & complain if they’re still taking the piss.

OP posts:
zerofuchsgivenTBH · 08/07/2023 21:09

You can ask him to turn his phone down. And that the toilets are for women.
And also complain. Right now staff will assume you are OK with them.

nuttymut · 08/07/2023 21:10

i work in healthcare and recently there has been a lot of discussions about not using relatives as interpreters , and using hospital staff instead as you can’t be certain what the relatives are relaying to the patient and what the relative is understanding about the patients treatment. It’s all too open to complaints.
but I’m with the op on the noisy visitors . They are being unreasonable

SauvignonBlanche · 08/07/2023 21:18

The sooner you say something the better.

Growlybear83 · 08/07/2023 21:21

I agree thst it's totally unreasonable. When my mum was on the hyper acute stroke ward last year, the woman in the bed opposite didn't speak any English and her daughter was allowed to sit with her from 9 am until 8 pm every day, which was absolutely fine. She was quiet and respectful towards the other patients and their relatives, who were all very seriously ill as you would expect on a ward like that. There's no way that someone needs to stay overnight and as someone else has said, visitors shouldn't be using the patient toilet anyway, let alone a male. I think it's particularly unreasonable to allow a male to be on the ward overnight.

Justaddalittlespice · 08/07/2023 21:22

I was in a few years ago exact same circumstances and the lady was allowed 1 person to stay. The lady had 2 granddaughters and they did shifts and switched but to be fair they where lovely and no issue at all so never bothered me however it sounds different for you as they sound like a pain in the arse and there definitely doesn't need to be 2 of them, I.wouldnt be happy with that and would be saying something