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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hospital visitors 24/7 for non-native speakers

157 replies

mfhtoeh · 08/07/2023 20:25

My first AIBU but I’m curious as I think this could go both ways.

I’m in hospital on a ladies bay.
Visiting hours are 11am-7pm (minus restricted meal times).
There’s an elderly-ish lady that doesn’t speak English. She currently has 3 of her children with her (8.30pm) and her daughter and son have asked to remain on the ward with her 24/7. They asked for 2 blow up mattresses but were told no, but it was ok to stay in these circumstances.

I understand the language barrier is challenging. It also helps the nurses them being here to care for her.

However they talk alllll day and night. They don’t stop talking. The son uses the ladies only toilet etc. They also have the radio on at times.

Grumpy me just wants some peace and quiet. I want to sleep.

—

YABU - the lady needs her family

YANBU - you should be able to have privacy & peace and quiet outside of visiting hours and men using the ladies patient only toilets is unacceptable.
—

NB: She’s sick but not dying.

OP posts:

FoodFann · 08/07/2023 21:22

Shambles. You poor thing OP. You’ve absolutely got my sympathy and support. I hope you get well soon so you can get back home pronto!

I would make an official written complaint, and ask for it to be recorded. And request a private room on the basis that you do not consent to sleeping in the same room as a male, as per:

https://www.england.nhs.uk/statistics/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2021/05/NEW-Delivering_same_sex_accommodation_sep2019.pdf

Summerfun54321 · 08/07/2023 21:23

In this scenario I would have heckled across to them to shut up ages ago. Confrontation is so underated. I would even follow it up with a series of loud shhhs and even the odd tut if they continued to be inconsiderate.

Clymene · 08/07/2023 21:26

Complain now. They need to leave. She doesn't need an overnight interpreter. Hospitals are really bloody wet with this stuff. I had a Filipina woman who was on the phone all night long crying (no visitors) and a Nigerian woman whose family had to be removed by security when I was recovering from a c section. The rules need to apply to everyone - no matter where they're from or what language they speak.

iamjustlurking · 08/07/2023 21:28

In our Trust it is not protocol to use family members to translate as they are not medically qualified and important medical information may get lost in translation.
Would definitely not expect a male to he permitted to stay in a female bay ?

kweeble · 08/07/2023 21:31

Complain now - there may be less staff on overnight

justasmalltownmum · 08/07/2023 21:32

Complain right now. Or say sssshhhhhh really loud.

Theunamedcat · 08/07/2023 21:37

Sympathise with you ive spent many a night on a ward with loud visitors unfortunately I'm an occasional sleep talker and apparently I screamed SHUT THE FUUUUUK UPPPPP one night in my sleep 😳 usually I was muttering quietly to myself and i do shut up when told (apparently because personally I remember nothing) but that scream spoke for all of us and they kept the noise down after that

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 08/07/2023 21:37

Don’t wait, tell the staff the whole situation is making you uncomfortable. I’ve been the relative of a non-English speaking patient and it didn’t even occur to me to stay out of visiting hours, I used to speak the doctors on FaceTime and we never had any issues with this. The radio is a piss take as is having so many people. Don’t let them make you feel shit, you’re in hospital so I’m sure you’re feeling shit enough.

SauvignonBlanche · 08/07/2023 21:40

The staff are probably willing you to complain.

Ponderingwindow · 08/07/2023 21:41

Everyone should be able to have an advocate with them in the hospital at all times. The idea that people should simply be left to fend for themselves while ill and possibly incapacitated is insane.

for people who say we should simply rely on the staff, you are coming from a place of immense privilege. spending any serious time in hospital reaches you just how dangerous they can be.

Tracker1234 · 08/07/2023 21:44

I honestly do despair of the NHS. Chuck them out. Some people think going to hospital is a trip out for the whole family! I had to sit on the floor with unwell child as 6 seats were taken up by a family. When I spoke to Reception they said they were reluctant to speak to them due to cultural differences.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 08/07/2023 21:48

They're taking the piss.

I was in hospital during covid and allowances were made for a lady to care for her mum as she had dementia and refused to let nurses do her personal care and could only communicate or eat for her dd, her dd did come in but didn't take liberties like that and was respectful of the fact she was in a hospital 😬

OneTC · 08/07/2023 21:54

Some people are allowed to have 24/7 attendance for medical reasons but it should be 1 person. That's what the rules are in my mum's local hospital anyway and to me it makes sense as some people, condition dependant, are going to be a bonkers amount of work dedicated to one person to stop them trying to escape or being aggressive or disturbing everyone else. In my mum's case her condition is not always immediately obvious.

In your instance though I would complain to them first off and then to the staff if they didn't keep it down.

pontipinemum · 08/07/2023 22:31

YANBU - I was in hospital for 3 nights before DS was born. Partners had to leave my ward at 8pm. I'm not sure where she was from but a lady came onto the ward about 9ish one of the nights with a friend who was translating for her. They let the friend stay for a few hours. Of course I would have liked DH to stay I was in a lot of pain. But it is more pleasant for everyone if visitors are sent home. I didn't mind the friend because she sat there and spoke softly to her friend.

What you are describing would p me off no end and I would be talking to the nurses.

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 08/07/2023 22:35

I think she should be able to have them there, I think anyone ill should be able to have someone there.

but also you should be able to have quiet too.

what we really need are newer hospitals and private rooms for everyone. Where family/a friend can stay. We need hospitals which help people get better and not just providing a holding bay for patients to make life easier for medicine.

kittycatsmum · 08/07/2023 22:37

Firstly it's unfair the male is allowed to stay on a female ward. I've seen cases where women have been abused in situations like this. Not for a moment suggesting he would but it must be very unsettling for some ladies there.

Using the women's toilet as a man is grim. On the pre labour ward I remember men using the women's toilets to take an obvious dump it was disgusting. My dp and a couple of others walked to the visitor make loos as they even thought it was wrong.

It's tricky as if the woman has anxieties herself or mh issues I can see why she'd be allowed to have company. However just for translation is unfair.

The noise they are making though is 100% unacceptable and they should have been told to switch off by the nurses.

Clymene · 08/07/2023 22:40

Ponderingwindow · 08/07/2023 21:41

Everyone should be able to have an advocate with them in the hospital at all times. The idea that people should simply be left to fend for themselves while ill and possibly incapacitated is insane.

for people who say we should simply rely on the staff, you are coming from a place of immense privilege. spending any serious time in hospital reaches you just how dangerous they can be.

Not in a shared ward. The NHS doesn't have capacity to have friends and family staying. We don't have single rooms.

Also it means that patients who don't have someone to advocate are at greater risk. The NHS cannot rely on relatives.

apapuchi · 08/07/2023 23:00

No way. The female staying is reasonable, possibly, but the male should be out of there and I'd have no qualms about speaking to the ward manager or sister about this. They are making reasonable adjustments for this woman but also need to respect their other patients.

Also echoing that family members shouldn't be taking the place of interpreters although of course that saves money. Nobody on that ward knows the level of English the family member really has and if they can't understand and accurately interpret, and there is potential for abuse too. It is an amazing service that the NHS provides interpreters etc and should be appreciated and utilised. When I lived abroad and was ill, had my first baby etc if I didn't understand then the onus was on me to provide someone who could translate and, yes, that could have been open to the aforementioned abuse and misunderstanding, of course.

jamimmi · 09/07/2023 00:25

I hope OP you have said something and ther family have now left or been reduced to one daughter. There are telephone translation services available for the NHS 24 /7 I belive in England. Our trust policy is we use this not relatives so we know info is being translated properly. The other option.is a staff member to translate. I often loose a junior Hindi speaking staff member for just this. Complain and loudly you have the same needs and rights as this lady.

Nagado · 09/07/2023 02:30

If they’re translating for her then they’ll clearly understand you, so I don’t really understand why none of you are telling them to turn the radio off, have some consideration for the other patients by lowering their voices and use the appropriate toilets.

So I think you’re being massively unreasonable for just getting annoyed with them but not actually saying anything to them.

Original poster

mfhtoeh · 09/07/2023 05:18

Fyi I complained to the nurse but because the ward sister approved it there was nothing she could do.

I think at some point some left as I think it’s now just the one daughter.

I was woken at 4.30 by their phone going off & off & off. They apparantly were all sleeping through an alarm 🤷‍♀️

Nurses nonchalant about it all.

OP posts:

Tigh · 09/07/2023 05:22

I was on ladies only ward my ex was allowed to visit 24\7 as I was admitted when my son was five days old like for a week, people seemed to understand the situation.

Wrongsideofpennines · 09/07/2023 05:42

I'm sorry you're in hospital and having a rough time of it.
I would ask to speak to the ward manager once the day shift come on. There should be only one female family member able to stay outside of normal visiting hours. There should be no men staying on a female only ward (it would break their single sex accommodation policy) and all visitors should be using the visitors toilet not the patient ones, regardless of sex.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can really do about the phones or radios as this could just be a patient doing the same, but there is no reason for her needing more than one person outside of regular visiting hours.

sashh · 09/07/2023 05:45

iamjustlurking · 08/07/2023 21:28

I was about to say the same thing, the hospital should not be using family as interpreters.

They may not have the vocabulary and the person who is ill may not tell the truth eg imagine a teenage boy interpreting for a grandmother and trying to interpret questions like, "when did you have your last period?"

Clymene · 09/07/2023 05:46

Tigh · 09/07/2023 05:22

I was on ladies only ward my ex was allowed to visit 24\7 as I was admitted when my son was five days old like for a week, people seemed to understand the situation.

No they didn't. They put up with it but men should NEVER be on women's wards

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