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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hospital visitors 24/7 for non-native speakers

157 replies

mfhtoeh · 08/07/2023 20:25

My first AIBU but I’m curious as I think this could go both ways.

I’m in hospital on a ladies bay.
Visiting hours are 11am-7pm (minus restricted meal times).
There’s an elderly-ish lady that doesn’t speak English. She currently has 3 of her children with her (8.30pm) and her daughter and son have asked to remain on the ward with her 24/7. They asked for 2 blow up mattresses but were told no, but it was ok to stay in these circumstances.

I understand the language barrier is challenging. It also helps the nurses them being here to care for her.

However they talk alllll day and night. They don’t stop talking. The son uses the ladies only toilet etc. They also have the radio on at times.

Grumpy me just wants some peace and quiet. I want to sleep.

—

YABU - the lady needs her family

YANBU - you should be able to have privacy & peace and quiet outside of visiting hours and men using the ladies patient only toilets is unacceptable.
—

NB: She’s sick but not dying.

OP posts:
ASGIRC · 09/07/2023 05:48

Clymene · 09/07/2023 05:46

No they didn't. They put up with it but men should NEVER be on women's wards

Show quote history

Because women dont have male relatives that visit them in hospital. Obviously.

You do realise how ridiculous you sound, right?

Clymene · 09/07/2023 07:17

@ASGIRC Visitors are fine. Staying overnight isn't.

Sceptre86 · 09/07/2023 07:27

One family member should be allowed to stay with her and they should be of the same sex. So female relative fine, they should also be told to be mindful of others on the ward and be moved to a room where possible.

Ask to speak to the ward manager and complain.

Saschka · 09/07/2023 07:32

Loads of our patients don’t speak English - we certainly don’t allow family to stay with them overnight to translate. The patient can ring somebody if they need something translating, or we can use language line.

Complain, OP. This is not the norm. The male relative in particular should be booted out each evening.

gogomoto · 09/07/2023 07:37

Contact the ward sister and escalate if needed. One relative staying as long as not talking is understandable however they need to keep quiet

UseOfWeapons · 09/07/2023 08:03

I agree. Complain to the ward sister, or ward manager. If no action taken, contact PALS. The latter don’t work at the weekends in my hospital, but may be different in yours.
Relatives helping a patient with communication is helpful, but they are still expected to remember this is hospital, and people are there because they are sick. That means mobiles switched to silent, no loud voices, or disturbances during protected mealtimes or rest times. And preferably, only one member of the family at once, and not using a toilet clearly not meant for them.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 09/07/2023 08:07

mfhtoeh · 09/07/2023 05:18

Fyi I complained to the nurse but because the ward sister approved it there was nothing she could do.

I think at some point some left as I think it’s now just the one daughter.

I was woken at 4.30 by their phone going off & off & off. They apparantly were all sleeping through an alarm 🤷‍♀️

Nurses nonchalant about it all.

The nurse is just trying to avoid confrontation. She won't be able to override the ward sisters decision but she can have a word about keeping the noise down, no phones, no using patient toilets etc. Nurses are in charge of the wards, she needs to do her job. I'm a nurse (not a ward sister but a staff nurse) and would absolutely be advocating for my patients in such a situation and be telling the person in question that they can either respect the other patients and allowing them to rest, or they can leave.

widowtwankywashroom · 09/07/2023 08:11

If the ward sister has ok'd this then go above her, go to the matron. There will be shift leaders/site managers available.
I would also be tweeting them!
I asked people to stop playing videos' yesterday in the waiting room as it was annoying other people

Nordicrain · 09/07/2023 08:12

Op complain. Tell them one person is appropriate but that’s it and they need to be respectful of others. Ask to be moved if they are unwilling to accommodate that.
i sometimes thing the nhs makes ward stays as shit as possible to free beds.

x2boys · 09/07/2023 08:19

Ponderingwindow · 08/07/2023 21:41

Everyone should be able to have an advocate with them in the hospital at all times. The idea that people should simply be left to fend for themselves while ill and possibly incapacitated is insane.

for people who say we should simply rely on the staff, you are coming from a place of immense privilege. spending any serious time in hospital reaches you just how dangerous they can be.

It doesn't need to.be several.loud family members though does it?
.when my 16 year old son wss admitted to.an adult critical care unit in February they allowed me to.stay with him for the first six nights because he was very unwell.,only 16 ,still.at school.( at the time ) and very frightened ,the staff were fantastic ,but as soon as he turned a corner they strongly encouraged me to.go home and stick to visiting hours which was fair enough ,and I was the only one allowed to.stay .

BMW6 · 09/07/2023 08:32

Well if she wants family with her 24 hours a day then she should be paying for a room in a private hospital!

Unbelievably inconsiderate to the other patients.
I'd be raising hell with the person who approved it, PALS etc.

ForeverFriendsAndPierrot · 09/07/2023 08:35

Can you imagine if all the patients did this?

Can't have rule for one and not another.....

bluesky45 · 09/07/2023 08:45

I would say a decent compromise here could be the daughter staying and the son going. Keeps the ward ladies only and hopefully 1 sick woman and 1 adult visitor will chat less than the 2 adult visitors.

EasterBreak · 09/07/2023 09:16

The ward sister approved the endless 24/7 guests including the man for a quiet life for herself and it was the wrong decision. I'd complain.

Saschka · 09/07/2023 09:19

ForeverFriendsAndPierrot · 09/07/2023 08:35

Can you imagine if all the patients did this?

Can't have rule for one and not another.....

I’d be tempted to get all my friends round during the day, and channel Father Fintan Stack overnight, just to make the point that it’s only fine for them because nobody else is doing it - if the rest of the ward also had crowds of visitors playing music all night it would be bedlam.

EasterBreak · 09/07/2023 09:21

Tigh · 09/07/2023 05:22

I was on ladies only ward my ex was allowed to visit 24\7 as I was admitted when my son was five days old like for a week, people seemed to understand the situation.

Well that was wrong and unfair to the others. I stayed in hospital for 5 days when my son was born and didn't need 24/7 visitors.

Soontobe60 · 09/07/2023 09:23

PPQ123 · 08/07/2023 20:27

I would contact PALS pronto, if having a word with the ward manager didn't work first.

She doesn't need people to interpret for her 24/7, you can communicate through Google Translate

An elderly lady may very well have no bloody idea how to use Google translate!

Berlinlover · 09/07/2023 09:25

Sounds like an utter nightmare but in today’s woke world complaining would be a complete waste of time.

Original poster
mfhtoeh · 09/07/2023 09:31

The shitshow continues with her phone going off since 4.30am & she talks on speakerphone loudest setting.

She took unlabelled meds from a home-done dossett box & doesnt know what she took so that took an hour.

I said to the nurse the speakerphone is driving me mad and I want to sleep. Nurse said don’t worry, the son is on his way. I said that’s loud too & he uses the toilet.Nurse shrugged & said ‘there’s a language barrier isn’t there, there’s nothing we can do’.

Anyway, at least I know you’ve got my back &’I’m not the asshole. I thought there’s a chance I was. I’m just tired & feel crap. Got 5 weeks of being in here so fed up.

OP posts:
Shoemadlady · 09/07/2023 09:36

This is terrible and completely unacceptable.
Can someone in your family not stand their ground for you and fight your corner.
If they are not willing to tackle it then you need to be moved to a single room.
If the ward sister is around you need to speak to her. Only the daughter should be permitted to stay at night and they need to set ground rules such as phones on silent etc.
this is completely unacceptable

MenopauseSucks · 09/07/2023 09:39

Complain, complain, complain.
That family are taking liberties & disturbing patients.
My Mum was in hospital last year. She had Alzheimer's - couldn't feed herself, needed washing & changing. She was very confused - communication & understanding had gone downhill.
I was allowed to be there from 8am to 8pm - helping to clean her, feed her, etc.
I used the off-ward visitor toilets - not the ward toilets.
At 8pm, I had to go home as wasn't allowed to stay any longer.
I had to leave my mother, as vulnerable as a newborn, to the care of the overnight staff.
That woman unable to speak English can be looked after during the day by female members of her family & overnight she can be looked after the overnight staff like all other patients.
So she can't understand - well your average dementia patient has a few problems with that as well. At least Google Translate can help her.
Her family are taking the piss.

MenopauseSucks · 09/07/2023 09:43

Sorry that was a bit of a rant...
I had to battle to be with my Mum. It was only after the ward staff realised I was easing the workload for them that I was allowed to stay around during the day for 12hrs.
I was most definitely not allowed to stay overnight!

Wrongsideofpennines · 09/07/2023 09:46

You need to complain to someone more senior. The nurse saying there is nothing they can do is not acceptable. Presumably there is no language barrier with the son and daughter to explain to them that they need to have their phones on silent and avoid loud conversations between themselves. If they can't understand this then there is no point in being there for them to translate and they need to leave.

Please speak to the ward manager, sister in charge of that shift, matron etc whoever it is today to get this resolved.

TeenLifeMum · 09/07/2023 09:56

Complain. Your recovery is important. Speak to sister, matron and out of house the clinical site manager (who is on 24/7 and can over ride the sister’s call).

LadinLee · 09/07/2023 09:56

.Nurse shrugged & said ‘there’s a language barrier isn’t there, there’s nothing we can do’.

But there are very clear protocols in place. NHS are not supposed to use family members as interpreters except in emergency situations. How do the staff know the info they are conveying to patient is interpreted correctly and the family haven't put their own slant on it? How do they know the request from the patient for more pain meds or whatever came from the patient and is not what the family want?
There are telephone based interpreting services the NHS can use day and night to find out what the person is trying to tell them.
Complain as this ward is not following protocol.