Hospital visitors 24/7 for non-native speakers

[mfhtoeh]

My first AIBU but I’m curious as I think this could go both ways.

I’m in hospital on a ladies bay.
Visiting hours are 11am-7pm (minus restricted meal times).
There’s an elderly-ish lady that doesn’t speak English. She currently has 3 of her children with her (8.30pm) and her daughter and son have asked to remain on the ward with her 24/7. They asked for 2 blow up mattresses but were told no, but it was ok to stay in these circumstances.

I understand the language barrier is challenging. It also helps the nurses them being here to care for her.

However they talk alllll day and night. They don’t stop talking. The son uses the ladies only toilet etc. They also have the radio on at times.

Grumpy me just wants some peace and quiet. I want to sleep.

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YABU - the lady needs her family

YANBU - you should be able to have privacy & peace and quiet outside of visiting hours and men using the ladies patient only toilets is unacceptable.
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NB: She’s sick but not dying.

@TheOccupier Not true. The older non-English speaking woman may be typical of a generation where women could work despite not speaking English eg Fifties to Seventies Britain where we still had cotton and woollen mills and a garment industry. Or she could be like many English-speaking women eg not a taxpayer herself but married to one just like my grandma. Or part of the 40% of UK adults who don't pay tax most of whom are native born English speakers. Or one of the legal immigrants arriving in the UK.

I still sympathise with the OP - as hospital staff have already said in PPs, sick people need rest and sleep and not have toilets occupied by the opposite sex. It could be that the only person confident enough in English is her male relative which is why he is around but there can be problems as also pointed out with an unofficial translator.

So OP needs to speak to a more senior member of staff or to PALS. At least to get the noise down, the right toilets used, a ban on alarms/loud speaker on phone/radio.

FYI as, well, I’m bored and have nothing better to do lol

Nothing has changed. They’re still packed in like sardines and using other patients chairs. They seem to have carte Blanche to do what they like.

I’ve mentioned that it’s noisy and he’s using the toilet etc. to another nurse. No change. They haven’t said anything to them :/

It’s an acute medical unit.

They want to do another test on her, but she took meds she shouldn’t have so couldn’t do them today. She won’t give them her meds

I’m somewhat of a frequent flier on the AMU ward, usually whilst waiting for a bed on a proper ward due to lots of significant medical problems. Some of the nurses recognise me. I can’t afford to be labelled problematic.

I’ve got thyrotoxicosis / thyroid storm this time and have waves of lots of symptoms including being emotional/anxious (symptom) and am not myself.

Ask the staff to contact the site manager

I thinks it's bloody ridiculous to enable this behaviour. There are women in that ward trying to recover. The male relative needs to be told not to use the female bathroom.

I'd go above the ward Manager and you have absolutely every reason to given the disturbance and phone use.

Do you have headphones? Access to a nice soothing audiobook? Or guided meditation.
I understand all too well how shitty thryoid issues can make you feel.

I really don't understand this, many years ago my child was on the children's ward, A whole multi-generational family came in with a toddler, crowding around the bed. They were told that either mum or dad could stay, mum stayed the rest ,about 8 or 9 of them, went. It's just unacceptable to have s0 many people, making noise and being thoughtless.

I think that’s enough now. You have to look after yourself and get some rest. The nurses won’t help, so speak to one of them and say you’d like to speak to the Ward manager and could you also fill in a PALS complaint. They may actually do something then.

I’d be politely asking for their names and be seen writing things down.

All you are asking for is for them to implement their own rules. There’s no need to have all these people and noise 24/7z

It's the nurses who are in charge of the ward, not the doctors. OP needs to follow the chain of command - if the staff nurse won't do anything, she needs to speak to the ward manager upon her return. If she isn't available by morning, Matron. If Matron does nothing, higher up the chain she will have to go. PALS can also be comtected.

That is really unfair. Audiobooks are fantastic if you have headphones.

It’s the woke tip,toeing around because there are different cultures to consider etc etc that gets me.

Men on a women’s ward is a definite NO.

To be honest OP although this is a bit naughty and very annoying even if they did resolve this problem it would easily be replaced by another e.g. the patient calling her family constantly on speakerphone, a patient with dementia constantly calling out, people coming and going.

Unfortunately it's just par for the course as a hospital in patient.

When Mum was in hospital there was a dementia patient who the staff put in a side room. She pressed the call button constantly and called out many times. In the end the nurses shut the door and although the red call stayed on they just ignored her.

Not sure what the solution is but I cannot help thinking we need to get some firm rules in for visitors. No exceptions!

I’m so sorry OP, you are definitely not being unreasonable

Well quite. Sickening isn't it? So much for treating people equally

DH wasn't even allowed to to wait until I went down for an ultrasound when I was in hospital. He was told he had to leave and wouldn't be able to go with me so there was no point in waiting.

Have you talked to the sister or PALS about it? Honestly, you have a right to a reasonable night's sleep, you won't be labelled an awkward patient for asking for it.

I’m currently on a children’s ward with my son and it’s horrendous. One family during the day had around ten people around the bed and were getting all sorts of takeaways delivered. iPad loud etc. I complained to ward staff who asked them to reduce number of people but nothing changed so my poor son recovering from surgery was constantly interrupted when he was trying to snooze. Overnight the mum dad and son (toddler) all stayed. One in with patient and others on side bed. Lots of phone calls on loudspeaker and the iPad on loud. I asked staff at 10 what time lights out was and was told they don’t police it. At 0200 I’d had enough and asked for a nurse to ask them to at least turn noisy iPad off that was playing chanting in a different language.

ive done many admissions over last five years and this is the worst yet. I wonder if the staff just don’t want to face any abuse for confronting people. There are posters everywhere saying 830 bedtime but totally ignored.

sending hugs!

OP did things improve at all last night? If not, and you don't have anyone to advocate for you, then send me a private message, telling me all your info, name, hospital, ward, etc. and I'll happily call and make a complaint to the powers that be. This is totally unacceptable, and something needs to be done. You shouldn't have to put up with this, and I'd be more than happy to make a fuss for you. I'm VERY good at making complaints at senior level!!😆

Just tell the guests directly. They are probably so worried about their Mum and about ‘appearing’ to do the right thing (appearences are everything in Arab and South Asian cultures) that if you just told them how noisy they are they’d find a way to minimise noise / guests.

When I was last in with son a good few years ago the ward was fairly quiet until a whole family turned up and turned on the TV. I went straight over I was so furious to tell them to turn it off and that this was a children's ward! They were Asian Wenfly and to be fair they immediately did turn it off. I also thought I would mention that its only one vistor per person and we were all settling down for the night so would they like me to get the Ward Sister to clarify.

They did everything I asked of them. Thing is what were they thinking of turning up en masse and turning on the TV! Its not a social club.

If she needs relatives to aid communication, she should be moved to a side room. There shouldn’t be a male overnight on a female only ward. Ask to speak to the ward sister or contact pals. You’ll be amazed how quick it’s addressed if you contact pals, trust me!

Go over the nurse's heads. Ask to speak to the matron/hospital manager and if you can, keep a log of every time you speak to someone about it. Also if you have family or friends who visit, ask them to talk to staff as well to back you up. You should not have to tolerate this.

I think this is unreasonable but it is what happens in some other countries. The ward should find them a single room if she really can’t manage on her own.

100% talk to PALS - they can get things done when others can’t.
A different issue but my MIL was in hospital recently and was given a side room without any curtains or blind at the window. We asked if something could be put up as she was waking at 4am with the light and the nurses said they’d asked before but nothing happened. She is stage 4 cancer and so really needs to rest - so we went to PALS and a workman turned up the next day and fixed a blind up. We were amazed (and the nurses were delighted!).