Sis & wedding..seriously stressed

[BluNomad]

Sorry long post….Cousin getting married in August, big fancy affair in 5* country hotel, looking forward to it. My DH & I are staying in the hotel the night of the wedding & my sis/bil were also offered first refusal on a room (which were discounted anyway due to wedding party) they declined as they didn’t want to spend that kind of money on a room they’d barely spend any time in..fair enough so they are staying in a hotel a few miles from venue. Now the wedding is child free, clearly stated on invites plus my sis & I knew this prior to invites going out as we are close with our cousin & she has regularly discussed the arrangements with us. DH & I have one DC who is going to my ils for weekend of the wedding. My sis & bil have a one dc 8 months who they have now decided cannot possibly spend the night away from them so my sis mentioned few weeks ago that she’s just going to bring dc & as we’re close to cousin she won’t mind but she’s not going to tell her. DH & I said of course you cannot just turn up with dc that’s extremely rude given you accepted the no child invite, she basically said she doesn’t care & that’s what’s happening. DH said he is going to tell cousin unless they do, so she did & cousin said (in nicest possible way) absolutely not. Now sis is saying she’s bringing dc but they can just use our suite at the venue to take turns looking after dc but I know that dc will end up asleep & either we’ll have him with us overnight or my sis or bil will fall asleep in the room & will end up in our suite for the night plus I don’t want anyone in our room, it will be a mess if they’re using it & nephew will end up in our bed. I’m seriously dreading the whole wedding now as what I was expecting to be a lovely weekend with our family & friends plus bonus of us spending a night in a luxury suite with my dh is being hijacked by my sis & bil. I haven’t mentioned it to my dh yet as he’ll be furious & I’ll rather handle it with my sis before hand but I don’t know how to & it’s massively stressing me. Just to point out my sis is extremely entitled & doesn’t take no well & I don’t want to fall out with her & it be frosty at the wedding I want us to all enjoy the day together. AIBU just say no & deal/ignore her strop which I’m expecting will be inevitable

I'd be happy to help my sibling in anyway. But 5* hotel sex when you've a 3 year old at home is very important to me. Getting into a bed I don't make and clean sheets also very important. You're paying a lot for this. Hold firm.

Absolutely let your DH let rip and tell her, why wouldn’t you? And the sooner the better don’t leave it until the day

Any friction at the wedding would be her fault not hers, so don’t worry about it. Nobody would think badly of you for not allowing yourself to be used like this.

Come the fuck on. Why should her husband have to deal with her sister? That's ridiculous. The op needs to handle her family herself.

She said her DH would be good at telling her no but she wants to keep the peace. If this was the way my family worked of course I’d let my DH tell them if it meant the band aid was ripped off and I wasn’t going to do it otherwise. I don’t keep anything from my DH

As everyone has said, just repeat, the little one is not able to come to the wedding. You have been told that quite clearly. So you have 4 choices,

• either find a babysitter and both sister and her dh both come to the wedding
• don't find a babysitter and dh stays to look after the little one whilst sister comes to the wedding
• bring a babysitter with them and they stay in the hotel sister has booked so sister is only away from her dc for as long as she is comfortable with, and misses the party but gets to go to the ceremony and meal
• neither sister or her dh go.

I mean, that is still quite a few choices.

Be clear you will not have anything to do with her being so rude and trying to take her child where they are not invited, and that includes using your room.

Tell her you’re planning on having hot uninterrupted sex between the day and night do so no can do unfortunately

Just say something like ‘hi sis. DH and I are really looking forward to spending this quality time away together. The room is costing us a lot of money so we will be making the most of it as you can appreciate. Thanks for understanding that we don’t want anyone in our room with us. I think there will be other rooms available at the hotel. See you soon, your sis x’

Why did he have to get involved in the first place issuing an ultimatum about something that's nothing to do with him? He was quite happy to stick his oar in then with HER sister and HER cousin. Why should the OP have to do deal with a situation he got them involved with?

Just stop being such a wuss and tell her. If she gets the hump then she gets the hump, it's not your fault and not your problem.

She gets away with being like this because you let her, so if people ask what's wrong just tell them she's in a mood because you wouldn't be her free childcare, preferably in from of her.

She'll be far less likely to be a nightmare with you in future then.

Your sister has a MAJOR attitude problem I'm absolutely gobsmacked at the sheer entitlement! Do people like this seriously exist

I'd let her off and let her bring her child if that's her plan and I'd not get involved in that particular drama (let it be between herself and your cousin) but let her know that she absolutely will NOT be using your room. You are looking forward to a lovely child free night and let her know that's exactly what's happening. No way would I be doing any childcare for her. You will end up with a sleeping child in your room for the night. Make it clear she can do whatever she wants but you won't be involved.

Agree with this.

Her sister sounds difficult, OP doesn't want an atmosphere at the wedding.
Not everyone has the personality to put someone in their place.

Perfect

I’d be worried that if they bring the baby and are asked by your cousin they’ll say ‘oh it’s ok @BluNomad said we can use their room’ - which then looks to your cousin like you have colluded all along.

Your sister needs to be told asap. Your DH is happy to do it, so let him, as bluntly as he likes. Then, and this is important, back him up.

Just say no

tell her and bil that it won’t be happening, that you are your husband are looking forward to time together and you are not having a baby in the room you paid for. They had the choice to book and said no, so your suggestion is of them stays with the baby in the place they booked and the other attends the wedding, but they wont be using your room

i would also contact the hotel and tell them not to give anyone any keys apart from you, set upa password if necessary as she sounds like the type of person who would try and pretend to be you!

if she kicks off just ignore her

Tell her now that her plan is not acceptable - you don't have to give reasons - your sister has plenty of time to get over herself and decide if she wants to cause an atmosphere at the wedding.

Remember, if she does cause an atmosphere it is down to her, and not you.

Good luck!

Yep tell your husband to deal with her.

Honestly the cheek of your sister and the fact your own Mum is glad she's not staying at the hotel....speaks volumes.

I appreciate the just tell her comments but I don’t speak to my sis in an aggressive or confrontational way & am not about to start. I will just tell her she can’t use our room because we want to use it ourselves during the course of the evening & won’t be able to if our Nephew is in there sleeping, so coming from a practical angle

If you get DH to do it your sister will just turn round and appeal demand directly to you. Just cut out the middle man and handle this yourself.

Ok, I'd be a coward and do it by text. My bravery only carries me so far. 😆

"Sis, no you may not use our suite to look after DN. DH and I have other plans for it that require privacy."

Xpost with you OP

Appreciate you don’t want confrontation OP (neither would I) but you did post saying this was really stressing you out.

Your sister sounds like a determined lady, I’m not sure your reasoned approach will work, but if that’s what you think will work best, do have the conversation soon, won’t you?

Your sis has already decided without asking anyone that she is bringing her child to a child free wedding and she is spending your money using your room to do the babysitting in- and your mom has predicted you will be roped into babysit!

And you chose to appeal to her rational/ empathetic side to see the error in her ways???!!!

Good luck with that!!!!