To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

[NoLeaveIt]

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

I think people who have never been in a long term relationship (20yrs) with kids have no idea of the complexities.

I have a friend who took 6 years to leave. She loved him dearly for over 2 decades. You don't just wake up one day and think " I want to turn my whole family's life upside down". But they were no longer happy. And it's been a huge emotional wrench. But things are looking up now they are finally separated. Sad though, for all involved.

Another friend is waiting for her kids to grow up and move out. She doesn't love her husband any more. He's a dick in my opinion and always has been. But neither of them wants to share custody. They don't argue. They sleep in separate rooms. She doesn't care about the money. She earns more than him.

I love my DH. We are best friends. Still fancy each other. But, after 23 years, he drives me mad on occasion! But I love him with all my heart.

So, no. It's just not all about money. It's often way more complex.

Exactly.

No.She'd have to to do the hoovering that she hates.Walk the big strong dog she bought that pulls me everywhere and feed him the disgusting mush 3 times a day that she hates doing.Drop herself at the station at 5.30 ,walk up the long hill at 7 because she won't pay the car park fee and make her own tea.Make herself laugh.She'd also miss me like she does now when I'm away for the day.🙂

COVID taught me that I was very much looking forward to spending much more time with DH once the DC are grown up. We’ve had our moments (particularly when the DC were smaller) and it forged us in the end. I’m lucky, I know.

Also the higher earner and we could live nicely on my salary…but yes, fewer treats.

Aw.

No way, after 15 years married I don’t want to be without him the only thing I’d change would be the phone addiction but other than that we are a great team.

Me, I would definitely have left if I could mai tain same life on my own. I earn marginally more than DH but we live in London and I would be able to buy a place on my own in a nice area for my child. Am not leeching off him, am just living in London where you basically need two incomes. But thats also because am in public sector and only earn 65k, if I worked in the private sector and was on 130k like my sister I would have left a long time ago.

This is very healthy imo, me and DH are the same. We enhance eachothers lives but we aren't eachovers lives. We have our own friends, interests and love spending time together but also doing things alone. If we ever split I'd be heartbroken but I'd be fine because I love my life, he makes it better but he isn't the entirety of it. Some would find that sad I suppose but works for us.

I'm sure many people are indeed in unhappy marriages but you only really hear about it when people complain. Same on MN, people only post when there are massive problems. Same with internet reviews- people generally post their horror stories so it appears as if they are the "norm". Same with news stories- its only the negative, sensational or controversial events that hit the headlines.

If everyone who was content spoke about it, or posted about it, you'd get a very different picture but who goes around telling people they are so happy? or posts about how content they are with their partner or life?- people dont do that because firstly, they'd be accused of bragging or being smug and they'd be instantly pulled down and scolded and secondly, if you genuinely are content you dont tend to feel the need to go on about it to others. Therefore, our perception of unhappy marriages is very skewed towards those who are unhappy because they are much more verbal about it.

He improves the World just by existing. And I get to have my little corner of the world improved every day as a result.

I get good natured teasing at work about how I'm treated like a Queen. They're right, I am. A fairly skint Queen, one with a faded, tatty and slightly misshapen realm and a throne that was £300 from the catalogue about 20 years ago, collapsing at the arms/the seat cushions so cracked that it needs to be covered with a throw, but a Queen, nonetheless.

No way...he brings so much to my life and is kind, caring, funny and has my back. plus the sex is good. I used to have casual sex...not for me...so much happiet with someone I love. I don't mean to sound smug as I went through hell to find my soon to be dh and i was alone ( and fairly happy )for many years. I even had dd alone but dp is something special. I'm very lucky.

God no. He's my favourite person and makes my life 1000x more fun and enjoyable.

I earn 4 x more than my DH.

YABU

We are not all materialistic.

My husband is my best friend and marrying him was the best decision I ever made. Still fancy him loads after being together 11 years.

Same!!! I spend the majority of my time with him (outside of work) and we are besties who still fancy the pants off each other!!

Happy with my OH, but there have been times when I've thought about it in a bad patch and I just couldn't do it financially. This was a bad patch due to heaps of stress on us with a ND child more than anything. I'm on an average salary. One salary isn't enough to live on. My kids would have a better life with two parents and them pooling their incomes. I'm glad I haven't left and it is hard to do it at the drop of a hat, but it's not nice when women who are deeply unhappy feel they can't leave.

Years ago one income was enough to leave if you could. My mum managed to bring us up on one salary (low skilled job) and we certainly weren't well off, but my salary is not enough for that anymore. Not where I live anyway.

I'm the breadwinner. I'm with my husband because I love him.

I would like to live next door to him perhaps

I am one of those women. I've been with partner for almost 20 years. I've kept my own house just in case. I've also not married deliberately.

Yes it would be a pain to have to move if we split up, but infinitely harder if I also had to find somewhere to live as well.
We haven't got joint accounts, and I'm still here in his house by choice.
Works for us. I have the security of knowing I'm ok if it all went tits up I'd be just fine.

All this comes from actually being homeless once, with children. I will never let that happen to me again.

I'm not bitter. I'm thrilled for all of you that are so happy with your partners. I wouldn't begrudge you at all. But if you haven't got that it can seem a bit like a fairytale. I'm not financially reliant on my husband but I have been at times. What is making it difficult for me is not the finances (I could quite happily live in a smaller house with less financial security). What makes it difficult is the upheaval. If he had been a reasonable man I wouldn't probably want to leave. The idea of someone fighting you every step of the way and vindictively making it as difficult as possible is a hard thing to launch yourself into, especially when you're older and more tired.

Choose Happy. You get one life. 🙂

Yeah I agree. Most days I would agree

No, I am the higher earner by a long way and could afford our house on my own. I choose to be with him. I would advise my girls to aim for the same financial independence.

No, mines a good egg.. I'd keep him 🙂

I would have exactly the same standard of living with or without my DH. He's gorgeous, kind, caring and funny and I hope I will spend the rest of my life with him.