To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

[NoLeaveIt]

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

I would. But he would not have the same standard. I care for him a lot so for that reason i wouldnt do it to him. If he left me for a happier life, i would not he sad.

It’s so hard to explain the inner workings of a relationship, but I basically just mean that if the choice were anything (nice house, or any house, for example) vs being together I’d choose being together. We’ve been through some difficult situations especially in the earlier years of our marriage (death of a child, loss of jobs etc) and we’ve always become tighter as a unit through it. I’d sooner lose a limb than be without him, and I realize that all sounds very dramatic lol but it’s genuinely how I feel.

I agree. We wouldn’t have lasted this long in that sort of relationship!

@leftshark I will tell you a fact, and undoubtedly, loads of posters will come on to tell me I'm wrong.

BUT I would absolutely and in no way EVER have a relationship with a man with a young child. It's just a no-go for so many reasons.

Primarily, why is a man with a young child single?

As you've seen from this thread, women stay in relationships that are less than ideal because it's easier than going it alone. So he was either such a shit father that it was easier for his ex to be a single mother, or, he was reproductively careless.

Neither one of those shouts 'great potential partner'.

Stay in your flat. Do not blend your good life with this man. Don't.

My husband is a brilliant person I would rather live in a tent with him than anywhere, we've been together for over 20 years and we get each other. Our relationship isn't difficult, it's easy.

I'd rather be single than with a 'complicated' partner. Single life is great. Don't give that up for anything less than a person that enhances your life, that makes you better than you are alone.

Couples are great when they really work. BUT it's not some kind of Platonic ideal. It's not necessarily something to strive for.

If you find 'That' person and they're steady and calm and share your values, and humour and intellect, amazing, you've won one of life's lotteries.

If not, hey, I would rather be by myself for eternity than be with someone who didn't really understand me. Because when you couple-up, particularly if you are an independent woman, you are giving something away. Make sure it's worth it.

Not a myth, DH did the same for me. We definitely had no cleaner, no family nearby, and no one else barring each other. We juggled a lot while I went back to school, but the end result is that we both earn relatively equal salaries now and are quite comfortable. I don't think it's terribly unusual; I only did it myself after another friend of mine did the same, which is what inspired the thought in the first place.

No. Been married to dh almost 25 years now, together for 33 years, with a 21y daughter. Very happy with our life together.

My life would be much poorer without dh in it, and I don't mean financially.

I posted but not voted as on the app, and voting isn't possible on the app.

I did wonder 🤣

If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd still stay with dh. He's not perfect, in the past he's been a right bell end, but he has proved to be a keeper and a great support to me. Plus he makes an amazing fried egg sandwich!

Yep can't vote on the app

No way. I love him, and need him for far more than his money!

If I had to answer today I would say no, 6 months ago I would have said maybe... I think its OK to have bad patches and quite long indifferent patches. Im just assuming a good patch will come round again. Raising a family together is a difficult struggle and I have to admit DH and I don't make the best team a lot of the time. Communication can be poor and stress levels high. It wouldn't occur go me that these struggles = death of a marriage. I always assumed it was for life, in sickness and health and all that, so things would have to be catastrophically awful for me to leave. I don't expect us to be loving and enthusiastic all the time, maybe that sounds like just settling to some but I think its more the norm. He is a good person at the core, great dad, embraces my family and friends and works hard. I don't analyse too much if I'm happy, but I'm OK with where I am.

We'd both have a good standard of living on our own. I've always worked and contributed as well as saving and investing in my own right.
Money will never keep us together, love does that.
Must be horrible to have to choose between living with someone you don't like and being poor, but I'd rather be poor.

Do you think I would leave a man who after 51 years of marriage still looks at me like that?

That’s lovely 😊

I’d keep mine ❤️ he’s wonderful and makes my life infinitely better

Nope not at all, but then my husband brings something positive to my life, we are completely partners and he does just as much as I do to contribute to our life's together. If I were married to some of the pointless losers people talk about on here the answer would be different!

We haven't been able to live together yet admittedly, but i hate being apart from DP of 2 1/2 years, and would never get rid!

Yes definitely would leave in fact it’s the only thing that’s stopping me atm

No
He's my best friend
I'd be nothing without him

But many who are in an unhappy marriage seem to be saying they stay because its financially beneficial for them which sort of makes it a business transaction.

I think that if my partner was unhappy I'd rather they spoke up early so we could split and have the chance to meet someone else rather than string me on thinking we were good and then dump me years later when it may be more difficult to start again.

@BigFatLiar you are making a bit of an assumption that both parties aren't doing the same. In our case neither of us can really afford to live on our own and provide a decent upbringing for our DC. Everyone's assumption is that the man earns a lot while the woman doesn't but what if they are both on average wages living in the South East. With DCs you can exactly rent a room like a young person but two bed flats are often 2k if you can find one. I reckon a lot of couples don't split up in the South East if they have kids but are on average salaries.

I’d keep mine.

Everyone's assumption is that the man earns a lot while the woman doesn't

Agree - it’s really noticeable and odd.

Yes, women often take a hit from maternity leave, and perhaps going part time. But that’s it.

But other than that, women earn good money, too. Don’t women even outnumber men for university enrolments these days?

And surely MN, going by all the stereotypes, is going to have a reasonably high proportion of educated women, earning decent money - even if they don’t necessarily (though they may well, because - why not??) out-earn their husbands.

Not RTFT but I wouldn't have left my late DH, he was lovely.

On the other hand, Some time ago I read that widows' lower rate of re-marrying is not all to do with their being a glut on the market or Victoria-like devotion to the late husband.