To think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

[NoLeaveIt]

…. If they could have the same standard of living and home without them.

I’m interested to see what proportion of MNetters are actually happy with their lives with their partners rather than just trapped by practicalities of life and finances.

Some maybe but not the majority. I love my dh and we have a great life together

Maybe what these posters are saying is that their DH’s are gorgeous, lovely and funny in their eyes. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Life is tough at the moment, rather than tearing down another person for expressing love for their partner, can’t we be happy for them?

No need to be so unpleasant. I started the tread to hear other peoples experiences

I could leave my Husband and have a very similar lifestyle to what I have now and no I wouldn't leave him. He's my favourite person and I'd miss him so much.

yep-This is exactly what I mean! When people do say theyre happy they get torn down or accused of lying.

Its sad that we arent comfortable with women being happy in relationships and it seems people want others to be unhappy to validate their own unhappiness.

AIBU to think that the majority of women would leave their DH/DP

Oh god no I wouldn’t be happier without my husband!!!

BUT I have been married before and my ex was a total arse and still continues to be one! I’m so glad I managed to escape that relationship!

Not in my case, I earn a lot more than him and could keep our current lifestyle for me and kids without his salary as well. But I quite like to have him around.
You're right though as several of my friends would leave tomorrow - 2 things holding them back. One is the finances and the other that the guy would never see the children if he wasn't living with them.

When we retired I was out earning my husband. It was a very different state initially, he earned a lot more than me. I wasn't happy in my job and he helped me find alternatives and retrain. I worked my way up into a senior position he stayed where he was as he was happy in his job didn’t want to go into management and it was useful for childcare (work had its own creche and nursery).

No need for a dating book, just make sure you both know what you want out of life and are in it together. Over the years we've both changed and grown but made the conscious effort to grow together rather than apart. Taking into account his age and health I've no doubt I'll outlive him, I'll cope but I'd still rather he was here.

Everyone’s husband/partner/wife is ‘lovely, gorgeous and funny’ - to them?!

I mean, this is hardly some revelation, is it?

It doesn’t mean he’s objectively Mr Perfect.

Otherwise, what, everyone’s really in an happy marriage with someone they don’t really like or get on with?

How realistic is that?

And plenty of (especially educated) women earn good money in decent jobs these days.

Well-paid jobs aren’t only the preserve of men.

…’really in an unhappy marriage’, that should read…

We are both middle income, but even on my PT hrs I out earn DH - not hugely.

Part of the reason why is because he has been supportive financially, with childcare & house at times doing my share as well as his.

Many women here out earning spouses may be because their DH are supportive and do their share in the house.

Some women are unable to do the networking, extra responsibility, new jobs, training etc because their DH don’t do their share (not ‘help’ but their share) of house/child/admin care or sabotage it due to jealousy.

I think it's probably not that shocking that people who are in a well paid job are also married to someone they like. Just that the 2 probably correlate quite often - if you have some degree of financial stability yourself you are often choosing to stay in a relationship. It stands to reason that financial independence means you are less likely to remain in an unhappy marriage, you have other options.

Well I only have one, and he wasn’t so hard to find. I haven’t had children so haven’t had to take a hit on my earning potential during my middle years, and I got established in a career straight after university so I was already earning more when we met in our late 20s. He, on the other hand, was a part time musician and worked part time, earning less than me. He has since got a degree and a postgrad and is now established in his own career, but started ten years or more later, so has remained significantly behind me.

The pay gap between the sexes is no longer about women being paid less for the same work in many cases, but more about the loss of earning potential when kids come along. So it must be much more common for women who continue to work full time to outearn their men now, given we tend to settle down and make good financial decisions sooner in our lives, in my experience.

Its not so much the money or the love

its just that he is a genuinely good man that would do anything for us

he drove 4 hours the other day to pick up ds1 and I from a concert for example

A thread last week referred to safe supporting men as ‘dull’.

I was told I was smug, that doing a list and allocating tasks TOGETHER was also doing the mental load, that I prob did the logistics so he could bathe his child.

IMO, no one should stay in an unhappy unfulfilled marriage but collectively we need to encourage women to raise their expectations of men because women shouldn’t be shocked that men can meaningfully contribute.

Also, IMO I don’t see how men who let their women do everything love them. How can you love and respect someone while letting them do all the graft?

It's often overlooked that behind every rosy marriage is a series of compromises that you actively choose.

If I were single, I'd be moving to a small 2 bed house in the North West with a decent garden. I'd go hiking a lot, spend my weekends visiting friends and gardening a lot - or at least as much as I can around my son.

I can afford that right now but I choose to be with my husband because I love him more than I want that life.

Women can't do anything on here witjout being accused of lying, being cool wifes or handmaidens.

I thknk in the relationship case it's simply case of wishing others had it shit so the person's shit would feel like a standard , ratjer than shit.

I think I wasn’t very clear in my OP. It is also about the practicalities of life as well as the finances. It would take a lot of time and energy to separate two lives by selling the house, find somewhere else to live etc. I’m too tired to contemplate that at the moment.

I would - but would like to retain the friendship and maybe see him a couple of times a week- I do care a lot but prefer him in smaller doses than I get

I love my DH and enjoy his company enormously

And I could easily afford to be without him financially.

I think there are people who need others to be in a bad situation or 'sad' of having negative relationships/problems to make themselves feel better, there will always be people who are better and worse off than the next person (or poster on here)

If people can't accept that without some weird jealousy thing that is on them no one else

I absolutely wouldn't. We have our ups and downs like everyone, but he is lovely, we love each other a lot and my life would be infinitely emptier without him in it.

Apparently not.

And it's just plain bizarre for anyone to think their definition of funny, in particular, is going to match anyone else's. Those things are so subjective!

Additionally, in a lot of couples the partners find each other amusing partially on the basis of shared experiences and responses to that. As in, DH and I have always made each other laugh and found each other interesting, but the way we do that now is going to look different to how it was when we first met, because of the influence of the other one. There's no reason to think someone outside of that dynamic would necessarily feel the same about it.

My husband IS lovely and gorgeous to ME. Why wouldnt he be? why on earth would I be with someone I found repulsive and nasty? I couldnt have sex with someone like that and noone should.

I'm not expecting others to find him "gorgeous" because we arent all attracted to the same types of people and I certainly dont view him as perfect but its a bit ridiculous to imply people must be lying if they dare to find their husbands attractive and nice to be around 🙄