Myself and my husband...

[LaPerduta]

Please make it stop!

My husband and I went out to dinner.
Our friends invited my husband and me to dinner.

It's not rocket science.

😂

This mistake isn’t about your educational level. I am not British but I know when to use
I/me/myself. Several times I have been wrongly ‘corrected’ for ‘Please return this to X or me.’ We all have PhDs

There was a thread a while back about class-based affectations concerning language. Loo vs toilet, napkin vs serviette, etc —- amusing and weird in equal measure to an outsider. I mention this because several contributors who clearly wished to be regarded as members of the higher classes also made the ‘myself’ mistake.

Genius. I'm going to us this all the time.

You’re right. The worst and most embarrassing kinds of grammar errors are those which come from people aping what they think sounds like “professional” language with unnecessary corporate flourishes without understanding the grammar that underpins it.

This is a a classic example.

Simple, unpretentious language is your friend. It’s much safer than trying to wing it.

I dont think that taking the other person out of the sentence to see whether it is me/I/myself actually helps people to avoid inappropriate myselfing. There are plenty of people writing "please reply to myself" without another person in the sentence, so they must think that is correct.

Test to avoid inappropriate use of "self" words - is the person doing the thing and having the thing done to them the same person?

Frank Sinatra sang "I'm going to sit right down and write myself a letter" - correct.

Mandy at the solicitors says she will send the money to yourself as soon as she has it - incorrect.

Regardless of what's grammatically correct or not, "My husband and I" makes me want to punch people. Letter to solicitor - yes. Letter of complaint - yes. Whatsapp group with other school Mums - I will poke your eyes out with a rusty fork you self-important bitch.

Why, @Robyn847 ? Not meant to be goady, I promise. Would like to understand your thinking.

And what would you have the mum write instead?

Sorry, but in the example you give, “Dinner” is the direct object, “for me” is the indirect object. Another would be “The postman delivered a letter (direct object) to me (indirect object)”.

Accurate but not helpful!

Whatsapp group with other school Mums - I will poke your eyes out with a rusty fork you self-important bitch.

Okayyyy <backs away>. Is it the use of 'and I' that gives you the stabby urge, or the particular phrase 'my husband and I'? If the latter, is it because you think it's often the beginning of some smug pronouncement (which I can imagine, to be fair)? Because wanting to stab someone just because they use 'X and I' rather than 'me and X' would be a bit much. People speak how they were brought up to speak.

Exactly this. They think “please do not hesitate to contact myself” sounds more polite than ending with “me”, even though me is correct.

Hi, @Robyn847

I also wondered if the WhatsApps beginning ‘My husband and I’ are usually pompous or worse? Could they be just as bad if they began differently?

’Me and my husband’ is (almost) correct sometimes: ‘She gave a lift to me and my husband’, although I was taught the other person should always come first so actually
‘She gave a lift to my husband and me.’ But I am not bothered by ‘Me and my husband saw a film last night.’ It sounds honest.

Because "My husband and I" is just so pretentious.....if you're speaking to a load of school Mums, friends, craft club mates, whoever, surely you'd just say "Me and Dave are going. Does anyone else want a ticket" or "We're going" or "Me and Delilah's Dad are going" or "Me and Alan have planned the same thing". It's just so.....Hyacinth Bucket. Might be because I'm working class, or northern, don't know, but to me it just screams of people pulling rank and thinking they're better.

It could be complete coincidence, but the ONLY people I know who do it are the ones who think overly highly of themselves and have got peoples backs up within groups I know for being inconsiderate, looking down on others and having ideas of grandeur. People I'd generally like to punch anyway 🤣

Talking about "my husband" rather than Dave is the annoying bit.

Accidentally using the wrong grammar is one thing. Deliberately using the wrong grammar to fit in with those who don't know the difference is very odd!

Talking about "my husband" rather than Dave is the annoying bit.

Accidentally using the wrong grammar because you don't know any better is one thing. Deliberately using the wrong grammar to fit in with those who don't know the difference is very odd!

Even putting the other person first eg "Dave and me" is fine in my book. The person who does it most will post things in a Whatsapp group like "My husband and I are having a clear out. Would anyone like this mirror" or "Antony and I are getting rid of this chair if anyone wants it".... What the chuff is wrong with "We're getting rid of this...." or "I'm getting rid of". It just makes me itch. Its just so much more formal saying "....and I". You use "and I" for when you're complaining that you're disappointed by the size of the petit sandwiches on the high tea at The Ivy. Or writing to a court statement saying why you're unhappy with the noise from the local primary school.

Strangly enough, both of the women I'm thinking of are women who are very insecure and desperate to make an impression on the groups they are now mixing in. Both recently married, both in relationships that were VERY quick to reach the altar (one secretly bought her wedding dress after the second date!). Both previously DESPERATE to snare a husband. I think they both desperately to show off they've finally got a husband its now dropped into conversation at every. single. opportunity.

Thanks, @Robyn847 It sounds like the people who do this are annoying! Maybe it’s hard to separate them from their language?

I learned, or learnt — I am never sure —English as a second language with the I/me rule that’s been quoted above. Mostly I can’t get worked up over grammar. I admit my rage over the bizarre use of ‘myself’ in the UK is based on the fact that a couple of pretentious colleagues do it, and have the balls to ‘correct’ me for using ‘me’ correctly.

When my good friends use ‘myself’ the same way it barely bothers me at all.

@Robyn847 your most recent post is really interesting and my be evidence for my theory. Maybe these women are as pretentious as the colleagues I write of

@Isittimeformynapyet I understand what you're saying, and perhaps snobbish was the wrong word to use. But it comes across as sneery, and when post after post is castigating people who don't have a perfect grasp of the English language, it may prevent them from reaching out for help on here. If this had been posted in Pedants Corner, then all those that want to do their patronising posturing could have done so. As it is, it's in AIBU - probably one of the most read threads on MN, and I just think that it may put some MNetters off of posting for fear of getting it wrong.

As for those who think every day is a school day and are so happy to be educated on the finer details of the English language, bully for you.
It may well be a year 5/year 6 topic, but for many that was over 40 years ago. I can't remember what I had for dinner yesterday, let alone what I learnt in primary school. And quite frankly, I imagine many people are just happy to be understood, even if they aren't grammatically correct.

I see this sort of comment a lot on MN, and I have some sympathy for it. Especially when the 'mistakes' are so obscure that most people would neither know nor care about them. And then there's autocorrect or simple slip.

But commenting on people's ignorance of grammar or spelling is common in all situations, if it's glaring. I used to work in a supermarket and all the staff used to laugh at the manager because he used to put up signs and write notes full of bad grammar and spelling and punctuation errors.

The sneeriest post on the thread is castigating people who use correct grammar.

I thought the same