Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Myself and my husband...

177 replies

LaPerduta · 07/07/2023 22:07

Please make it stop!

My husband and I went out to dinner.
Our friends invited my husband and me to dinner.

It's not rocket science.

OP posts:
Thosepeskyseagulls · 07/07/2023 23:39

Strongly agree.

noglow · 07/07/2023 23:39

ThisIsUncool · 07/07/2023 22:44

When you are the subject, e.g. "My friends and I went to a party".
Think of what you'd say without the "My friends and" part of it: "I went to a party".

Show quote history

Thank you that's the explanation of it I needed but never got at school! So clear now you've said it!

Thosepeskyseagulls · 07/07/2023 23:42

W1h · 07/07/2023 23:18

Yanbu.

I recently watched a promo video for a (well regarded) local school in which the English teacher advised people to contact 'myself' if they had any questions. I'm still angry thinking about it. The students at that school don't stand a chance.

I used to teach at a private school and some of the senior management team would do this because they thought it sounded more formal. Cringe.

noglow · 07/07/2023 23:43

NannyGythaOgg · 07/07/2023 23:03

The Queen said 'My Husband and I' not 'My Husband and Myself'

Myself/Yourself etc is reflexive. Use it otherwise if you want (i can't stop you). Show yourself to be totally fucking pathetically unable to use correct English

I'm trying to understand it but clearly I wasn't taught well or I've picked it up incorrectly somehow.

MeinKraft · 07/07/2023 23:45

'Please reply to myself by close of play' - how to make yourself sound pompous AND stupid at the same time.

Thosepeskyseagulls · 07/07/2023 23:45

Thunderpunt · 07/07/2023 23:24

It is snobbish when comments such as
'It makes my ears bleed'
Or
'I want to boil myself in oil'
Or any other number of sanctimonious comments. Like I said take yourself off to Pedants Corner, but don't expect the great unwashed public to all have had the same level of education as some of you. So if they aren't grammatically perfect, accept it without the sneering and stay in your own fucking lanes

In the time it took to write that you could have educated yourself about reflexive pronouns. They really aren’t that scary. And the level of education you’re talking about is Year 7 English, if not Year 6. So maybe calm down.

friendlycat · 08/07/2023 00:03

MeinKraft · 07/07/2023 23:45

'Please reply to myself by close of play' - how to make yourself sound pompous AND stupid at the same time.

I don’t think there is anything pompous about that at all. I would feel sorry and embarrassed for someone who has such a lack of grammatical knowledge!

It often astounds me how many people use this so incorrectly.

TheMoth · 08/07/2023 00:06

It's because year after year, students tell their English teachers that they don't really need to do English GCSE, because they already know how to speak it. So they don't listen.

But they don't really know how to use Standard English either. Punctuation is also a little bit of a mystery: they like to 'stick a comma in when you take a breath', because Mrs Williams told them that in yr3 and they liked her better than you, so bollocks to your degree in lit and lang and hello comma splice!

SpringOnions · 08/07/2023 00:12

I don't mind an incorrect myself or yourself for some reason, but an incorrect "and I" gives me the rage.

"My husband and I went shopping" - Yes!
"He gave the shopping to my husband and I" - no! Because if you take the husband out of the sentence it doesn't make sense.

I've also started to see it used in a possessive sense: "My husband and I's shopping". Aaarrrrgggghhhhh!

Original poster
LaPerduta · 08/07/2023 00:14

sevenbyseven · 07/07/2023 22:12

I ordered a takeaway for myself and my husband 😁

Excellent! 👌

OP posts:
SausageinaBun · 08/07/2023 00:14

I had to ask one of my team members to stop writing myself in work emails. He said he did it because he thought it was more formal. I am struggling with the quality of written English in more recent graduates we employ. I'm not sure what has changed. Maybe we are just employing people with more varied educational backgrounds.

XenoBitch · 08/07/2023 00:16

I don't care. I know what people mean. My grammar is terrible anyway. Zero fucks to give.

UndercoverCop · 08/07/2023 00:21

I received an email this week including the following;
"we'll park this, until X department have responded to myself with the data as requested".

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/07/2023 00:23

Thunderpunt · 07/07/2023 22:34

Why not bugger off to Pedants Corner, rather than look snobbishly down on those who don't have a the perfect grasp of the English language that you have OP.

Readers do have the option of learning something they didn't know. If I find out I've been getting something wrong all my life I stop making that mistake! I don't get all arsey because someone else knew it before me.

Why are people so stubborn about being wrong?

RosesAndHellebores · 08/07/2023 00:23

I think it's due to people getting too many qualifications and not enough education. Never mind the quality, feel the width

Original poster
LaPerduta · 08/07/2023 00:24

noglow · 07/07/2023 22:25

So when should you use myself?

When it's reflexive: I wash myself, I dress myself, I look at myself in the mirror. Etc.

OP posts:
Thunderpunt · 08/07/2023 00:24

@Thosepeskyseagulls can you not see how patronising you're being?
Seriously this isn't about me, or my need to be educated, it's about people feeling that they're looked down on because they are unable to write perfect English, possibly because they weren't afforded the same education as some.

Original poster
LaPerduta · 08/07/2023 00:25

noglow · 07/07/2023 22:24

It's not rocket science but it's obviously not something taught at school properly as it wouldn't keep happening.

Show quote history

Agreed. I was taught it at school, but not in a formal lesson (in a chat with my French teacher on a school trip).

OP posts:
Londisc · 08/07/2023 00:26

Alastair Campbell repeatedly pulls up Eton-educated, and tutor to royalty, Rory Stewart on his incorrect use of mr/I and less/fewer.

GroggyLegs · 08/07/2023 00:27

So what's your proposed solution to prevent these grammar crimes? Or is this just a moan?

I judge people more for whinging than bad grammar.

Original poster
LaPerduta · 08/07/2023 00:28

Thunderpunt · 07/07/2023 22:34

Why not bugger off to Pedants Corner, rather than look snobbishly down on those who don't have a the perfect grasp of the English language that you have OP.

It's hardly the height of pedantry. It's pretty basic language use; we're not arguing over the subtleties of the subjunctive, or less vs fewer. It's no more pedantic than saying 2+2 does not equal 5.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaPerduta · 08/07/2023 00:30

GroggyLegs · 08/07/2023 00:27

So what's your proposed solution to prevent these grammar crimes? Or is this just a moan?

I judge people more for whinging than bad grammar.

It's just a moan, really. Having said that, I'd far rather hear "Fred and me went to the shops" as at least it's unpretentious.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 08/07/2023 00:34

In my experience, myself/yourself are most often used by those who are trying too hard and who don't have the self confidence to ask for help.

Original poster
LaPerduta · 08/07/2023 00:36

TheMoth · 08/07/2023 00:06

It's because year after year, students tell their English teachers that they don't really need to do English GCSE, because they already know how to speak it. So they don't listen.

But they don't really know how to use Standard English either. Punctuation is also a little bit of a mystery: they like to 'stick a comma in when you take a breath', because Mrs Williams told them that in yr3 and they liked her better than you, so bollocks to your degree in lit and lang and hello comma splice!

Comma splices are highly irritating, not to mention extremely common.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 08/07/2023 00:45

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2023 23:24

No! It sounds totally different when it's said by the Irish

Show quote history

I had no idea about this. 'good man yourself', 'well, you know yourself' etc are typically Irish but I didn't know it was a translation from the Irish language.