Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much is reasonable for an abroad hen?

252 replies

Mabmabdwarf · 07/07/2023 21:13

As the title says… How much is reasonable to pay for an abroad hen do?

What amount would you expect to pay for to go abroad on a hen do? Not including spending money?

This isn’t asking if people agree with hen dos abroad but just how much would you expect one to cost you.

In Europe over a weekend.

OP posts:
Isthisexpected · 08/07/2023 19:35

I also don’t believe most people can’t afford it

^ how many people in the UK live below the poverty line? The threshold for poverty is 60% below the average income I think. So even with that threshold many people have limited disposable income. I think you're quite out of touch.

TomorrowToday · 08/07/2023 19:37

@Mabmabdwarf sounds like they are already well of so can afford it.

Hugasauras · 08/07/2023 19:39

Even if people can 'afford' it, if they say yes to this then unless they have a lot of disposable income they are saying no to something else that the money would go towards. I wouldn't spend £1000 or whatever on a hen weekend abroad because I would rather use the money on something else, such as a holiday of my choosing. I could afford to spend it, but I would rather spend it on something else as I don't think it would be a good use of money for me. So even if people can 'afford' it, it's also about 'do people think X is a good use of money for Y', and it may be some people do not.

Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 19:46

40friedfish · 08/07/2023 19:33

Why would you do it ? Total waste of money for everyone, just don't bother.

Because some of us like it…..

OP posts:
Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 19:47

Clymene · 08/07/2023 19:26

I honestly think that if you expect friends and family to pay for your extravagant hen and stag dos, you forgo wedding presents. Your mates have already paid for your holiday.

I wouldn’t class a hen do as a ‘holiday’.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 19:48

Hugasauras · 08/07/2023 19:39

Even if people can 'afford' it, if they say yes to this then unless they have a lot of disposable income they are saying no to something else that the money would go towards. I wouldn't spend £1000 or whatever on a hen weekend abroad because I would rather use the money on something else, such as a holiday of my choosing. I could afford to spend it, but I would rather spend it on something else as I don't think it would be a good use of money for me. So even if people can 'afford' it, it's also about 'do people think X is a good use of money for Y', and it may be some people do not.

And that’s fine…. No one is forcing anyone to come or say yes.

It’s an invitation. That’s it.

OP posts:
TomorrowToday · 08/07/2023 19:48

@Mabmabdwarf going oversees for a hen do is a holiday.

No reason why it can't be done local and in he afternoon.

££££

Boltonb · 08/07/2023 19:49

I’d expect it to be at least £500 or £600 and there’s no way I’d go, no matter who it is was for

Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 19:50

OliviaFlaversham · 08/07/2023 19:24

I’d say in this country at this time, most definitely cannot afford it.

If I host something (a party or a celebration), I’d expect to pay for it. So in this instance, the bride should pay for accommodation and flights and the guests then pay for meals and drinks. It’s different to a night out, you’ve invited them.

That’s not how it works with hen or stag dos. You may not agree but thats just how it is.

Otherwise I’m owed a few quid from all the other hens Iv been on.

OP posts:
Clymene · 08/07/2023 19:50

It's going to another place for leisure. What else would you call it?

In any event, that's not the point. The point is that you've asked your friends and family to pay for your expensive weekend away to celebrate your wedding.

That should be their gift to you. It's extremely generous of them.

TomorrowToday · 08/07/2023 19:50

Isthisexpected · 08/07/2023 19:35

I also don’t believe most people can’t afford it

^ how many people in the UK live below the poverty line? The threshold for poverty is 60% below the average income I think. So even with that threshold many people have limited disposable income. I think you're quite out of touch.

1 in 5 of the population are in poverty.

The rest have had massive rent increases, mortgage increases, everyone has had utility bills increase, COL etc

Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 19:52

TomorrowToday · 08/07/2023 19:48

@Mabmabdwarf going oversees for a hen do is a holiday.

No reason why it can't be done local and in he afternoon.

££££

In your opinion you would class it as a holiday. I 100% do not. It’s a break yes but not a holiday.

Not everyone wants to do a local hen. No reason it can’t be abroad either if everyone’s happy with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 19:53

TomorrowToday · 08/07/2023 19:50

1 in 5 of the population are in poverty.

The rest have had massive rent increases, mortgage increases, everyone has had utility bills increase, COL etc

Show quote history

As have I….

OP posts:
Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 19:54

Clymene · 08/07/2023 19:50

It's going to another place for leisure. What else would you call it?

In any event, that's not the point. The point is that you've asked your friends and family to pay for your expensive weekend away to celebrate your wedding.

That should be their gift to you. It's extremely generous of them.

A little break.

OP posts:
Greenfree · 08/07/2023 19:55

My friend went to a hen party in Belgium via the Eurostar and said it was one of the best she had been on. It cost £250 each for train and hotel and that Included everyone splitting the bride's cost. It was Friday until Monday and she said they all had a fab time, spent around £250 so cost £500 in total.

gogomoto · 08/07/2023 20:03

I have just booked 3 days away in late September to Europe. I've paid £76 per person for the flights, £222 for 3 nights b&b (2 people, so £111 a head) add £300 fir meals, drinks, transfers, fun ... change from £500

KarmaStar · 08/07/2023 20:05

Reading these..the world's gone crazy!!do these extravagant hen holidays really need to take place?is not being the centre of attention on the wedding day not enough?asking for destination hen dos knowing very well you will be paid for by the rest of the group seems really greedy and selfish.
A night out of a night away locally with stuff in the day and a night in town is good enough surely?
Yes I know each to their own but it seems so grasping and unnecessary.
Going off post but...then the baby sex reveal party,then the party just before birth...it's so much pressure for others to keep paying out and difficult to say no when the person means so much to you.

Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 20:07

gogomoto · 08/07/2023 20:03

I have just booked 3 days away in late September to Europe. I've paid £76 per person for the flights, £222 for 3 nights b&b (2 people, so £111 a head) add £300 fir meals, drinks, transfers, fun ... change from £500

That’s a bargain.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 20:09

KarmaStar · 08/07/2023 20:05

Reading these..the world's gone crazy!!do these extravagant hen holidays really need to take place?is not being the centre of attention on the wedding day not enough?asking for destination hen dos knowing very well you will be paid for by the rest of the group seems really greedy and selfish.
A night out of a night away locally with stuff in the day and a night in town is good enough surely?
Yes I know each to their own but it seems so grasping and unnecessary.
Going off post but...then the baby sex reveal party,then the party just before birth...it's so much pressure for others to keep paying out and difficult to say no when the person means so much to you.

Being paid for isn’t standard but it is in my circle. No one forces anyone to chuck in the extra £20 quid to cover their flight/hotel.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 08/07/2023 21:58

So you are expecting everyone to pay in excess of £500 and you aren’t having to pay anything? That’s very generous of you!

Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 22:18

toomuchlaundry · 08/07/2023 21:58

So you are expecting everyone to pay in excess of £500 and you aren’t having to pay anything? That’s very generous of you!

Of course I’m going to pay for stuff….. just not the flight or acc.

but it’s not like I haven’t already paid for majority of them and it’s not like I won’t pay for the remaining ones when they have theirs! How generous of me!!!

OP posts:
TomorrowToday · 08/07/2023 22:36

@Mabmabdwarf it's not £20. It's more like £100 per person as well as their own accommodation and flights.

Original poster
Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 22:43

TomorrowToday · 08/07/2023 22:36

@Mabmabdwarf it's not £20. It's more like £100 per person as well as their own accommodation and flights.

What are you talking? And how would you know that or are you just making it up….

How is it a extra £100 per person? If the flight is £200, you think my accommodation is £1,200?!

It is an extra £14 for everyone to cover the flight and a extra £10 for the acc that’s now been booked.

Funny how you can tell me ‘it’s not £20’ when you don’t know what you are talking about.

OP posts:
Hotterthanhades · 08/07/2023 23:00

Mabmabdwarf · 08/07/2023 15:58

The reason I asked was because when asking friends that will be attending they said £250 was what they would like to spend but realistically flights alone are working out £190 including bags.

14 people have now agreed to come with the flights being £190. The couple who have said they wanted it to be £250 for both flights & acc are complaining how unreasonable it is that they can’t come due to costs.

No one’s been forced to come and no one’s moaned when some people have said no.

As you say OP, it’s an invitation not a summons.

been years since I’ve been on a hen do and would say that yes, they are going to be more than £250.

Thats fine if you’re single and without commitments, but people with family and limited time/money probably don’t want to pay.

the thing is - if you add up the hen do, and then the cost of attending the wedding ( outfit, travel accommodation, gift), your guests are probably going to spend £1k on attending your wedding!

friendlycat · 08/07/2023 23:01

But whilst it may have been the thing to do in the past to cover bride to be cost of flight and accommodation, nowadays it just seems so inappropriate.

At the end of the day it’s the bride’s choice of a hen do abroad and close friends are sometimes put on the spot and feel they have to roll with it. For some it won’t be an issue, for others there’s more financial planning.

At the very least I do think that if the bride wants an abroad hen do then they should pay their portion of the relative costs irrespective if historically that wasn’t the modus operandi.

In today’s climate it just seems grabby. It smacks of I want my friends to shell out xxx for this break but actually I don’t want to pay the equivalent for said break. You have a choice here. You could easily state you wish to prefer your relevant cost.