How much is reasonable for an abroad hen?

[Mabmabdwarf]

As the title says… How much is reasonable to pay for an abroad hen do?

What amount would you expect to pay for to go abroad on a hen do? Not including spending money?

This isn’t asking if people agree with hen dos abroad but just how much would you expect one to cost you.

In Europe over a weekend.

Others are arranging it for me. I just had the two complain who couldn’t afford flights.

So then you say to the ones arranging it "I'd really like all my friends to be able to celebrate so can you look at something more cost-efficient?"

You're insisting on an abroad hen. You've made that clear. Your friends aren't important to you.

Did you not think about scaling it down when 2 of your friends couldn’t afford it?

You said so yourself.

Otherwise I’m owed a few quid from all the other hens Iv been on.

So basically they need to pay for you or refund you for paying for them. I can't imagine being friends with such people. Your 'circle' clearly isn't as high and mighty as you like to think.

At least £1000

No she thought 'screw you cheapskates'.

She probably thought she'd just ditch them

No, just pointing out how clearly hypocritical it is.

So it was ok for everyone to all chip in before but now MN have spoken and it’s rude and we shouldn’t be doing it.

I also don’t believe most people can’t afford it.

This is the tone deaf part. I have a good job but am a single parent to 3. I have limited support from my ex.

I am in a very difficult financial position. I couldn't afford it.

Thinking across colleagues & family, most couldn't afford it, in the context of it being available, spare money.

Where I live is quite affluent & say the wider school community I know - judging on what I see, I guess most of them could afford a hen abroad.

It's not commonly done through, precisely because of my earlier comments that while some can afford it, many cannot or do not wish to spend money that way.

Your posts are so odd, as if there's something unnatural about not wanting to or not being able to afford a trip like this.

I'm still struggling to see your point too - if you & others can afford it, great. If others are unhappy about the choice, meaning they can't go, that's valid too but you're not bothered about them as you've made clear.

@Mabmabdwarf

I have just read your updates. You are the bride? I've never read such entitlement.

You say that it's the norm for you all to pay for each other. But you dispute that 'MN' doesn't accept this is the norm. MN isn't one mind - it's full of many people who have different experiences. No way is it a) common to go abroad for hens or b) common to pay expensive costs like flights & accommodation for hens where I am.

The fact is two of your guests are upset with the decision. These are your friends, surely? So would you not want them to be happy & able to attend?

Exactly.

The thing is that two of your friends have openly said they could not afford it. Then there will be others who feel they are on the spot and should go but will quietly thinking their own thoughts without voicing anything.

Times are slightly different at the moment to how they may have been in the past when you chipped in and paid for previous brides on their abroad hen break/holiday. Just because something has been done one way previously doesn't mean it's set in stone to continue going forward.

As a goodwill gesture as you are asking your friends to travel abroad with all associated costs of that, it would be polite to cover the cost of your own flights and accommodation in today's World.

It's completely up to you what you do but people here are putting forward the suggestion that paying for yourself may be the prudent thing to do here, even if the bride was covered on your previous trips.

Even if the flights and accommodation are coming in somewhere around £330 there's then costs to and from airport, airport drinks etc, taxis to destination,
taxis at destination, meal costs, food and drink during the day. Surely this is then adding up somewhere around £750 per person?

It would be polite to cover the cost of your own share of the flight and accommodation.

I'd expect £500 plus spending money.

Then I would politely decline, though given my age the situation is unlikely to arise as my friends who married did so a long time ago. However, many people are not so confident about saying no to such an invitation.

After the end of SUVs and 4x4s, hen and stag dos which are weekends abroad are the second thing I'd like to see as positive action to reduce fossil fuel use.

Second thing to end.

'No wonder young people can't afford houses' 🤣🤣

All those avocados on toast, lattes, and now hen do's preventing young people from buying houses 😂

Dont forget their Netflix subscription too 😂

it's not untrue that you can't complain you can't afford a mortgage when you spend 1,000 or more a month on traveling.

A month?

Hen dos are one off events.

I would probably have to bow out of an abroad hen tbh.
Even in more affluent times, I'd only do it for literally one or two closest friends. I could probably rustle up £500 for a VERY best friend. But anyone else? Nope.

@Mabmabdwarf

You've said you've been on many hen-dos abroad in recent times.

I'm going to be honest and it's just an observation. The comfortably off and well off people I've known do hen nights involving one night somewhere nice in the UK and maybe a spa day and a meal out- those who are less well off or from cheaper parts of the UK seem to insist on 4 days in Dubai type things and expect their mates to go along with it. I think it's a ginormous blingy show off exercise to make them feel'well off' - the holiday equivalent of Burberry bags etc

Seconded.

Are they? I loved hen nights, I am too old now, my friends are all married 😂
I had more than 1 friend, I was invited to a fair few, plus sibling..

If you can afford to do both, parties and hen nights while paying your mortgage, no issue.

But people who complain they are too broke to save for a deposit but spend 4 or 5 x £500 on a hen/stage night (which was roughly my budget back then, once you include taxi, flights, accommodation, food and drink, an activity)
plus the overnight costs etc for the actual wedding

plus the £1000 or so you spend on a couple of holiday a year

then these people cannot complain it's hard to save. It's a choice.

Gosh, it clearly doesn't matter to you about spending time with your actual friends if you're happy to ditch them because they can't afford to go to your hen and are 'moaning' about it. If that was me, I would be saying to whoever was arranging it that they needed to think again as I would be mortified.

At my hen, I insisted on paying my own way for everything even though I had previously paid for other brides on hen do's because the thought of folk forking out for me was embarrassing. I had a hen weekend with various different activities over the two days so that people could come to as much or as little as they felt financially comfortable with because, again, I'm not selfish.

Yeah, it's so cringey to be poor 🙄 You're a fucking idiot. Zero emotional intelligence.

It depends on your circle and who your close friends and sisters are.

I would be happy to spend more, for a nice weekend, but would really resent wasting £250 to stay in a local town.

£250 is far too little for a decent weekend abroad, but way too much for a few drinks in the UK.