How much is reasonable for an abroad hen?

[Mabmabdwarf]

As the title says… How much is reasonable to pay for an abroad hen do?

What amount would you expect to pay for to go abroad on a hen do? Not including spending money?

This isn’t asking if people agree with hen dos abroad but just how much would you expect one to cost you.

In Europe over a weekend.

We wernt all child free when the hens started. Iv had children for every single hen do Iv been on. Some have now had kids, some are still child free, some rent, some have mortgages and a couple are still in house shares. A couple are mortgage free now too. It’s a mixture.

around £250 each? Any more and I’d never go abroad for a hen.

I don't think I'd go regardless as it's unlikely I'd like all the people going to the degree I'd want to be stuck with them for three days, and being away with people who really get on your nerves is rubbish. Hen do weekends are often made up of people from different parts of the bride's life, some of whom you might not know, and I find it challenging enough when you go away with one friend and suddenly discover they have really annoying habits on holiday. And paying hundreds for it into the bargain would annoy me. But I am an introvert and staying in close quarters with people I don't know very well and having to be 'on' all weekend is not my bag.

But in answer to the question, unless I really really loved the bride, I wouldn't want to spend more than £300 on a weekend that I wouldn't have chosen, but I doubt you would get somewhere abroad for that I'd happily pay a decent amount for a nice meal and evening out though. And YANBU to have chosen what you've done and communicated costs clearly. If someone can't or doesn't want to afford it then that's fair enough. I wouldn't be annoyed or irritated, I'd just say I couldn't come and maybe do something separately at some other point, like go for lunch together or something.

Luckily my close friends are kindred spirits so no one has had a hen weekend abroad and I've never had to negotiate it, although I've done other 'girls' weekends that were not massively enjoyable and I was glad to get home

Will be interesting to hear how many of the 14 will actually pay up if you are planning a hen that is above the amount they wanted to spend to start with.

OP - it can be shit if you are the last to do something , like get married or have dcs etc - and when you put in the effort and money for others, they aren’t able to do that when it’s your turn. But realistically, in the last 3/4 years, so much has changed financially for so many, plus throw in the end of the super cheap flights, then it could well just not be possible for some, no matter how much they would want to.

The summer before covid, I took my kids to my parents house in france via Ryanair - cost me under £100 for 3 return flights - do-able for a week in the holidays when dh was working. Looked for this summer, was going to be over £1k for flights before I look at hirecar. I just can’t do it. I can see if your friends haven’t looked for flight only deals since 2018/19, they might not have quite got how unrealistic a “£250 all in” budget is.

You seem really rude in your responses here.

But to answer your question, I wouldn’t pay more than £300, which I know isn’t possible, so I wouldn’t go. I would just rather spend my money on something I choose to do.

But realistically, i would expect it to be more like £500.

Well all 14 as flights are being booked this evening and all have said yes today.
So considering all 14 of their flights will be booked I presume they will all be attending and if not then they have sent a couple of hundred quid on a flight for nothing …

@Mabmabdwarf it's standard for a £70pp hotel room in Liverpool. It's not reasonable for a £500+ hen where you're the only person making choices

£500

Well, this is what happens when the bride makes "ability to spend £500-£600 on a hen do" a condition of being at said hen do. I think them expecting a weekend abroas for £250 is unrealistic but they are entitled to be sad that they can't come. This is why so many do a meal type thing locally and a smaller group abroad.

I can't imagine a weekend away that I'd want to go on costing less than about £800, but I wouldn't ask my friends to pay that for my hen weekend.

Do they all know each other? Can’t imagine going on holiday with 14 people, especially if I don’t know them very well and I would want my own room!

@Mabmabdwarf what's the age group of the group? Will be interesting to see who actually pays.

Youngest is 31… oldest is 62

Maybe they have a bit of money so can push the boat out.

I don't know, I earn £31k and I'm struggling

Every person out of the 14 are in a couple. Non are single so all have two incomes as non are stay at home mums either. Most work part time.

@Mabmabdwarf

I think you sound beyond tone-deaf tbh

It's great you have enjoyed & been able to afford hen weekends away.

Most / many people cannot. I am one of those - I could never have afforded it, and never would have wanted to spend money on something like this.

I too am glad it wasn't a thing when I was at that stage. I think it's also totally missing the point to say 'no-one is being forced to come'. You (or bride, rather) are putting people in that position by deciding on an overseas hen - people might like to go to the hen in principle but it's out of reach.

So all of them are using up some couple/family holiday budget/time.

Are you the last of the group to do hen/wedding? We had 5 weddings in the year we got married, thank god hens like this weren’t a thing

No I’m not the last.

In any group that big, there are likely to be at least some who will be massively materially inconvenienced by stumping up for a trip abroad. Mahoosive costly hen/stag dos baffle me somewhat — unless everyone in the friendship circle is on the comfortable side of wealthy it just seems to frequently put people in a crap position these days.

I’m not proclaiming bah humbug or saying they shouldn’t happen, just observing they often seem to cause embarrassment, resentment and upset when too expensive for some to comfortably enjoy.

People have to decide things everyday. It’s not hard to say no to an event you don’t want to attend.

I also don’t believe most people can’t afford it. I think ‘some’ can’t afford it and some can. I suppose it depends on what circles are run in and income brackets and abilities to save.

@Mabmabdwarf Define ‘afford’.

A young family with a mortgage probably ‘could afford’ for the wife to go, but it means that they don’t have a family’s holiday.

The single lady ‘could afford’, but would rather put the money towards a house deposit.

Aunt Vera probably ‘could afford’ but would rather spend the money spending a weekend walking in Scotland.

The trouble with some of these hen parties is if you decide not to go, you’re seen as not supporting the bride etc, whereas you’ve got other financial priorities.

Thats on of clothes for the wedding, present, maybe overnight anccomadation etc.

I’d say in this country at this time, most definitely cannot afford it.

If I host something (a party or a celebration), I’d expect to pay for it. So in this instance, the bride should pay for accommodation and flights and the guests then pay for meals and drinks. It’s different to a night out, you’ve invited them.

I honestly think that if you expect friends and family to pay for your extravagant hen and stag dos, you forgo wedding presents. Your mates have already paid for your holiday.

Why would you do it ? Total waste of money for everyone, just don't bother.