To ditch pregnant guest?

[Sofasandslobbies]

Old friends visiting for a long weekend. They are usually quite hard work but they are long term friends who are good with our elderly parents and 4 DCs so we tend to go along with it and accept it as a character part of their personality.

we’d arrange for them to visit and we have got DCs looked after with the plan to go out out, lots of drinks etc. DP and I have not been out kid free for over a year.

Theyve arrived this afternoon with the great news they are expecting DC1. Really great news and we’re super excited for them. She now, understandably, doesn’t want to go out. Feels tired and sick.

Are we being unreasonable (DP and I?) to say they can make themselves at home, but we’re still going?? We really need this night out and getting 4 DCs looked after is no mean feat with limited family available.

Do what you would with anyone pitching up feeling sick and fragile and send her to bed while the 3 of you go out.

'Oh that's great news, sad you are feeling I'll though. You'll need an early night right? Okay love get comfy and don't worry we'll be quiet when we get back later. Bye!'

If the plan was specifically a big night out, she should have told you about the pregnancy in advance. But just talk to her, if she’s happy to maybe have dinner at home together first and then you can go out, fine.

I’m so glad there are some people on here with a degree of emotional intelligence and empathy. I couldn’t imagine swanning off with my partner to go and drink and leaving guests alone. Especially knowing how rough early pregnancy can be. Maybe just don’t bother with these people any more if they’re not worth your respect or even consideration.

More like really inconsiderate to watch OP make babysitting and night out plans and stay quiet that she has pregnancy sickness.

If they wanted a night in they could have done it in their own home!

Going out and leaving your guests is extremely rude!

So reschedule then! Unless the sickness suddenly came on yesterday she would have known full well she wasnt feeling well. OP said they are hard work so I doubt they did this out of some kind of charity. You dont stay at someone's house to sleep and vomit- whats the point in that?

They are your guests. You are there to enjoy each others company. Save the babysitter for another time. Get a takeaway at home

You do not do out and leave them how incredibly rude!

I think it would be incredibly rude and thoughtless to go out without them. Presumably they’ve travelled far as they are staying over and you don’t see them very often? They are your friends and your guests! Spend the evening with them. Couldn’t you adjust the evening to a dinner out instead?

Very rude to go out and leave them imho. Unfortunately.

Can you elaborate on how they are generally 'quite hard work'? Do you mean inconsiderate or hard to make conversation with?

I wouldn't want to go out partying during my first trimester, but equally I would be mortified if my hosts felt they had to cancel their plans on my account.

Take them out for an early dinner, drop her home and then the rest of you head out.

Just explain you've booked the babysitter and this is a once in a blue moon chance.

If she's feeling that sick she'll be in bed early anyway.

I wouldn't leave them!

They were very rude to assume the baby news would mean you were instantly ok with cancelling all of your plans.
If she's really feeling unwell she should be better off in bed and the three of you could go out.

You don't sound like you like them (her?) given you're only continuing the friendship cos they are convenient - get on with your parents and kids.

How long are they with you? If it's like Sat morn til Sun lunch and you want to go out to at 6 and sleep til 12, just cancel. It's really rude to just let them come and then ignore them basically.
If it's longer could they do one night with your parents?

If you ask if you're allowed out whilst they're there and they're likely to say yes and then distance themselves, would you actually care?

@happyfoot The OP said she 'felt sick'- not that she was vomiting all over.

Bloody hell. You are being rather dramatic!

AND given how hard it was for the OP to arrange a babysitter (maybe read the actual posts?) I doubt the guests want to put her to that trouble.

Let's hope that your 'friends' @Sofasandslobbies aren't reading mumsnet now she is pregnant and sees your posts! 😂

A babysitter thats now completely pointless?- right.

@Sofasandslobbies Deffo go out! Heck, a friend I visit sometimes has pre~arranged evenings out {Her choir or a meal with a friend} and I don't mind if she goes out..BUT we have that understanding.

I remember the early days of pregnancy and the ''Morning'' {all day} nausea, and one definitely won't be drinking!

They knew a big night was planned. Go out especially if others are involved as you mention group.

Exactly this.

I find this all so odd.

If they are your friends…..spend the time with them.

The Q is what matters most to you - is it having a night out without the kids, or is it spending time with your friends. Only you can decide that.

They didn’t tell you in advance….because they wanted to tell you in person, because they think you are their good friends and wanted to share their news with you. They seemingly wrongly thought you’d be delighted and happy to out the plan to go out on hold.

You have kids but perhaps you’ve forgotten the excitement if the first pregnancy and telling people and how you feel anxious about everything.

To be honest, you do t sound like you actually like them that much and prefer to have a night without the kids than spend the evening with them. That’s your choice. In my mind this would be really rude if you have invited guests staying, but actually if this is what’s in your heart to want to do, acknowledge to yourself that you don’t value their friendship that much and want to put yourself first and go ahead. The fact you have to ask assays a lot about you.

I understand you get a pang of disappointment as you’d looked forward to the night out and planned it. Most people would let that go and let the pleasure of their friends news and desire to spend time with them over-ride that disappointment. But if you really don’t feel you can miss the night out or out them first, go ahead.

Im shocked by how many people in MN are saying OP should do exactly what she wants. Don’t people have any sense of making little sacrifices for their friends ir not always putting themselves first?? Amazing.

I’m surprised at these responses. I can’t fathom having guests over and saying fuck uou we are going out and leaving them sitting there, I find it odd how some folks behave. The fact she feels tired and sick doesn’t mean she didn’t think she’d be ok earlier. Anyone who has been pregnant knows full well it can come on you like a tidal wave

I wouldn't change my plans and I wouldn't be too bothered if this particular friendship cooled. Your friend should have stayed home if she is not well enough to participate in whatever you had planned for the evening.

Usually, no I definitely wouldn’t leave guests home alone. But seeing as they knew you were going through the effort of getting an overnight babysitter for 4 children to have a night out with them when they had no intention of having the night out is really rude of them. I understand they wanted to save the big announcement but they could have made an excuse for being happy with a night in and saying you don’t need to get a babysitter. “we’ve been so busy recently and very tired, really not up for a night out but would love a night in with a few drinks at home, no need to get childcare” would be fine and not particularly suspicious!

So because of that, I’d have dinner and drinks at home with them, then head on out and have fun!

It very rude to leave your guests at home unattended and go out. You can always get a babysitter next weekend and go out?