13 year olds DD sleepover with boyfriend

[spudulike1]

I have a 13 year old DD that wants to sleep over at her 15 year old boyfriends house (I know there is an age gap but he is quite immature so i am not overly worried about it and dont really need comments on that as I know them both so am comfortable with it as all time is spent in our house or his with parental supervision)

My Dd says all her friends parents allow their boyfriends to sleep over. I just want some parents to let me know if they would allow it. Im sure if the answers but am going to show her I'm not being unreasonable!!

My children are 19, 17 and 10. Think COVID delayed me having to think about this when they were much younger, thank goodness!

My parents were very strict. When I was 23 and living with my boyfriend/ now DH, we still had to be in separate rooms when I went home. DH’s family had his 13 year old sister sharing hotel room with 13 year old boyfriend - then DH, now EXH.

So I was going for a middle ground, I think. When DS was in y13 he had serious girlfriend (also 17) . We let her stay over in same room - but made sure her mum knew. Not sure I would have been as keen in y12. And def not under 16 and age of consent.

Yes, they will probably have sex anyway, but I don’t have to make it easier. And 13 is still very much a child, whether they feel like that or not.

When my kids try the ‘everybody else’s mum’ line, I channel my mum and use the ‘well, I am not everyone else’s mum’ and ‘if everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you?’. Ah, golden oldies…

You need to be the parent here, and help your daughter establish boundaries.

Hell no

Why do you even have to ask?!

I know you're saying no to this but just to reiterate, it's a hard no in this house. And I don't think my DD will be allowed to describe someone as a "boyfriend" at 13 either. Not in mine (or even more staunchly, her father's) hearing.

Much too young for romantic or physical relationships, no matter how seemingly innocent.

Nope. And I don't believe for a second that most of her friends' parents allow it either.

Worth pointing out to DD @spudulike1 that whilst her friends claim their parents let them, they are probably making things up to sound older/sassy (or a whatever the terminology is now). Children do lie to each other, or embellish profusely rather than tell the absolute truth in order to gain social status.

If you agree to this you are completely insane

I've a DC just a bit younger than this and it would be a very definite no from me.

2 years at 13 is hugely different to 2 years at 16 and 18 or 25 and 27.

If you think they are all equivalent then 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely not!

No.
Please don’t believe your dd over this, and please don’t believe her without Mumsnetting it ever again!

I was very close to my mum and used to tell her most things and we could talk about most things also .
However , I did not tell her about my underage sex , and this was years ago , and still not said anything.
You are also being naive to think only " bad boys " want sex .

No way José! And my 14yo does not have her phone in her room overnight either.

You’re bat shit for even considering it and entertaining the idea!

You don’t need proof.. You’re the parent and what you say goes

@AffIt @badluckorbadvibes it may seem to you that I have lost some sort of respect asking people but this is a forum of mums. I don't have many friends so this seemed the perfect place to ask many mums if they thought the same way I did. She has respect for me. She is a little girl who tried to push a boundary. Every teen does it. She knows my thoughts and has just asked when I would say yes. When I replied 18 she just rolled her eyes laughed and that was the end of it. She knows how I feel and asp because of the things in her life that again I am not going to discuss knows I am her biggest support and always on her side so knows I am saying these things in her best interest

Nope.

not until they’re at least 16 and have left school.

Nope no nopity NO!

@MammaTo and all others that can't read OP's properly. I NEVER CONSIDERED IT. I thought it would be interesting to show her that all the other parents that let their kids do this are not actually real or in the very significant minority. SHE WOULD BEVER BE ALLOWED A SLEEPOVER AT 13 WITH A BOY!

Hell no sorry.

No. Aot of parents chose not to challenge their child re phones in their bedroom at night but there are a lot who remove phones st nighy. As a teacher if a pupil tells me this happens to them I do a silent mini fist pump🤣

Well, at least she has a sense of humour! 😂

No! My daughter is 13 and there's no way I would allow it. My son is 15, his gf is about to turn 15 and no sleepovers.

Agreed. In the future OP you need to be able to tell her no end of with out making a post to show her. You are her mom you make the rules

Are you 'shrooming? Say no and protect her.

My dd is the same age , I defiantly would not let her stay over